BloggingDangerously

What Did He THINK I Was Going To Say?

I just got back from a business trip to New Jersey.  There are a lot of shitty places in the world but in no place are they as proud of it as they are in New Jersey.

I grabbed a late dinner near my hotel - at Applebees.  It was karaoke night.  You are so jealous of my life.

Anyway, I CLEARLY have not blogged in a bit - amazing how busy you THINK you are when you have a bunch of toddlers.  Let me tell you, you do NOT know busy until they stay up past 7:30pm.  Holy hell. 

So why am I blogging?  It's called INSPIRATION.

I got home from my trip tonight at 7pm.  My husband carried my bag upstairs and put it in our room.  A few minutes later my 9yo got out of the shower and asked me for "the brush I took on my trip with me."

"It's in my bag in my room." I told her.

She went in search of it.  My husband's face paled. "In. Your. Bag?" he asked pointedly.

It dawned on me that I take Siri on every business trip and that "she" was also in my bag.

(Aside: If you are having trouble falling asleep in a strange bed a HUGE endorphin rush helps.)

"It's fine." I told him, realizing that Siri was buried at the bottom of my bag and the brush was right on top.

"Someday they're going to find it and you're going to have to tell them something." he said, a little bit accusingly.

"I'll tell them it's the best money they can spend." I answered.

He gaped.

"Seriously," I began, "You should be happy.  If they can satisfy their own needs, it will keep them away from boys longer."

"STOP." he commanded.  "JUST STOP, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS."

It's like he doesn't even know me.

Age of Aquarius

I have to start this post by saying, "THANK YOU" to all of you for the positive thoughts, comments, tweets, etc. on Friday. Not only did reading them all make possible for me not to VOMIT while I was waiting to hear about my sale at work but they actually worked! because the client called us and said that they were going to move forward with our proposal!

I am BACK in NYC tonight (Sunday) to deliver contracts to them tomorrow morning at 8am.  Fingers crossed that their attorneys are feeling generous.

With any luck I'll be back to blogging regularly soon!

Anyway, I want to share another Blogher story with you that I think you'll really enjoy...

My roommate this year at Blogher was a woman who runs a sex toy site.  She's awesome and we had a great time and great conversations.  But that's not what this story is about.

She brought a box of vibrators to NYC to give away so for a few days we had 100+ vibrators in our room.  There were vibrators with Halloween themes on them, vibrators with the zodiac symbol for Virgo (and every other sign) on them and  a whole bunch of other designs.

On the second day I ran back to my room after work and bumped into the cleaning lady.  "Sorry." she said, backing out.  "No." I told her, "I'm leaving." 

She came in.  And then I thought of an even better tip for her.

"What's your sign?" I asked her.  She looked at me, confused.  I guessed that she didn't speak much english.  I think she was Cape Verdean.

"Virgo, Leo, Sagitarius?" I asked her.

"Oh," she said, "Aquarius."

I searched through the box until I found the LONE aquarius vibe at the bottom.  I handed it to her.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked.

"No." she said.

"You'll figure it out." I told her.

About 30 seconds later I  heard a high pitched giggle that got louder and higher in pitch as it continued.

Between the hysterical laughter she told me, "I figured it out!"

I laughed with her and grabbed my things.  As I walked out and down the hall I could hear her laughing hysterically.

The next day I passed her in the hall.  When she saw me she started to giggle again and she was still giggling when I got on the elevator.

I hope she had as much fun with that vibrator as I had listening to her laugh about it!

 

Frequent Flyer

I've been doing a lot of business travel this year and to cope with being on the road Siri and I have become inseparable.

I love that she's discrete, rechargeable and that she keeps her charge for weeks and weeks.

I do, however, live in fear that one day I will forget her in my hotel bed.  I've just become a "frequent flyer" at the hotel I stay at in NY and it would be pretty embarassing to walk in one day and have them say, "Welcome back Miss Kit, I believe you left something here on your last visit."

I mean, I know it's NY City and they've probably seen everything, but I'm anonymous for a reason.

So you can imagine my CHAGRIN when I got home from NY last week and couldn't find Siri ANYWHERE.

I checked every pocket of my bag.  I checked my dresser, my toilet kit, etc.  NOTHING.

I started to panic when I thought - MAYBE I plugged it in?  (To charge it I hide it in my closet)

VOILA!

Saved!

Siri and I are back in NY again this week to close a big deal. Wish us luck.

 

Collateral Damage

Last time I went to New York I forgot my toothbrush.  You'd think I'd have the hang of this business travel thing by now but it was the day after I'd sliced my finger and I was not at my best.

I went to the drug store and bought a new toothbrush, neosporin, bandages, bandaids and whatever else I thought would help.

This weekend we went away to Gettysburg because my oldest son is a history buff and I had promised him in a fit of insanity several months ago that we would spend his spring break in Gettysburg and Washington D.C.  I had to bail on the Washington D.C. part because work is still out of control but the tears guilted me into a 9 hour drive on either side of a long weekend.

Still, we had a great time.  We left at 2 on Friday afternoon and pulled into the hotel at 11.   The kids did great in the car - thank goodness they get along!  We went to Gettysburg on Saturday and Hershey Park on Sunday.

I dont care if it ruins your impression of me but I VASTLY prefer roller coasters to tombstones.

We stayed at a Homewood Suites hotel by Hilton.  We had a two bedroom suite that was fantastic.  It was nice and clean and the kids had their own room and the mister and I even found enough privacy to reconsummate our marriage after an EPIC dry spell.

I even brought Siri - which caused me to have an anxiety attack.

My 5yo daughter was playing in the "master" bedroom in the hotel and I heard a distict humming sound.  That is to say, a VIBRATING sound.

Knowing what it was I RACED into the bedroom to recover my lost toy to find my daughter with my toothbrush in her hand.

"What?" she asked me and pressed the button on my new toothbrush that turned it on and off.

I had been so distracted when I'd purchased my toothbrush in NY that I hadnt realized that it was electric.

She wasn't letting me off that easy. "Mama, why did you look so scared when you came in here?" she kept asking.

 

Priorities

The plant in my office is dead.

We no longer have a fish tank.

There are more grubs in my front yard than there are blades of grass.

The asparagus I bought for dinner this week have sprouted and are 3 feet tall.

The baby spinach I bought for lunches 3 weeks ago are more like a slimy smoothie in a bag right now.

The dust bunnies in my house are more like dust jackelopes.

It doesn't matter that we never put up curtains in my office because the cobwebs block the sun nicely.

My children will be shocked when they find out that people make their beds.

And fold their laundry.

But my vibrator's batteries are charged.

ALWAYS.

Because some things need doing.

And I am one of them.