BloggingDangerously

Sex Homework: Squeeze It In

All summer long my husband kept promising threatening me that as soon as the kids were back in school we would alternate between spending our days in bed and swinging from the chandelier.

Well the kids have been back in school for a week and we haven't been near each other once.  Not even on the weekend which is usually our come-hell-or-highwater time to reconnect.

I can't even remember when the last time was to be perfectly honest.

I remember my birthday, and then hurricane Irene and then not having power for 5 days (and not showering very regularly) and then an INTENSE Labor Day weekend, and then back to school and then off to San Diego and then back and then being "indisposed" and then being manhandled by 3 different doctors on the same day.

So it's been at least 2 weeks - maybe more.

And that's completely unacceptable - because there's blogging to be done.

So this weekend's homework is to squeeze it in.  I don't care how busy you are, I don't care how many things are on your to do list.  Make time.

Remember the WASTED ORGASM THEORY.

There's always an excuse not to do it.  Now you have an excuse TO do it.

Because I said so.

You're welcome.

See you at #wineparty. (9pm eastern)

Sex Homework: The Baseball Edition

I'm taking the kids to Fenway park this weekend. 

Oh, the Red Sox aren't in town - in case you were wondering.  I could NEVER afford 6 tickets to a RED SOX game + food and parking.  It would be about ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

We're going to see a AAA league double header.  It should be really fun. 

But enough about baseball.

Let's talk about BASEBALL.

I just looked at the calendar and realized that summer is almost over in New England.  You may have heard my screams at your house.  Yes you, Kailan.

How does life pass by so quickly.  It was YESTERDAY that I was sitting on the beach thinking, "THANK GOD it's Memorial Day - we have the WHOLE summer ahead of us!"

But that's life.

Even in bed.

So this weekend's homework is to slow it down.  Go OLD SCHOOL back to GRADE school when making out was referred to as "First base" and the girls who went to "Second base?"

SLUTS.

Yeah, I'm looking at you with the bleached hair and the tattoo.

Oh crap, that's a mirror.

ANYWAY, this weekend I want you to take your time rounding the bases.

FIRST BASE: Take it slow with long, passionate kisses.

SECOND BASE: Give him a minute, let him fumble.  I sometimes rush through this step to get to the "good stuff" but the truth is that this is one of my FAVORITES.  Enjoy it. 

THIRD BASE: I'm talking HEAVY PETTING.  You can relocate to the back seat of his dad's Chevy if it makes you feel more comfortable.  Remember how much fun this could be when it was as far as you'd go?

And then there's Three and a Half.  Oh, I know that you're not supposed to lead off third but there's really no other euphemism for oral is there?  Go ahead.  Enjoy it.

Now, STOP RIGHT THERE...

Before we go any further, Do you love me?  Will you love me forever? Do you need me?

Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away will you make me your wife?

*wink*

I think you can find home plate on your own.

 

Sex Homework: Summer Sextice! (#SummerSextice)

Last year, when I'd only been blogging for about 3 months and had roughly 16 followers I tried to get everyone to use those extra daylight hours for something FUN!

SOME of you embraced the idea, some of you laughed.  But there DEFINTELY wasn't the impromptu orgy in the streets that I'd envisioned.

So this year I'm assigning it as your homework...

CARPE DIEM! (Seize the Day!) and seize your partner and celebrate  like a pagan!

And if you're on Twitter get people talking #SummerSextice

Sex Homework: YES, YES, OH GOD YES!

My husband seriously believes that sex is all about the law of large numbers - that is to say that if he asks me to have sex 1 MILLION times per day - he will probably get it about 3 times a week.

What I don't think he realizes is that this has me VERY MUCH in the habit of saying, "no" without really considering the question. 

The problem is that since he asks me at times when I absolutely can't - like when I'm bending over to empty the dishwasher, or bending over to get lettuce out of the crisper, or bending over to tie my shoes (do you see the pattern?) - "No" becomes my go-to answer.

For example, today was a VERY slow day at work.  My mom showed up at noon to take the girls to lunch and the boys were at school so it was just the two of us in the house.  I think he suggested sex 8 times between noon and when my mom came home at 2.  If we discussed the question for a minute each time he brought it up - and ended up not doing it - we could have had sex 2 or 3 times in the amount of time we spent discussing how we were not going to have sex.

I said no because I felt like I had work to do - but the truth is that I could have given in and added 6 minutes to my day.  What a waste!

So I'm resolving to listen to the question and seriously consider it before I say no.  And just because every single item is not crossed off my todo list - doesn't mean I can't indulge.

So for your homework I'm encouraging you to try saying "YES" instead of no.  (And for you singles out there - this means taking some "time for yourself" if you know what I mean.)

And don't forget to leave a comment and tell me if saying yes puts a spring in your step AND adds 6 minutes to your day!

Note: husband if you're reading this - it doesn't mean that I'm going to give in EVERY time you ask - so don't up the requests to TWO million times per day please.

* Amusing aside - Myhusband just came in and gave me "the look" and I had to tell him no so that I could finish this post!

 

 

Sex Homework: F- & other random thoughts.

SADLY last week's homework required 4 working elbows and my husband and I had but 3. 

Combine that with HIS percocet, my EXHAUSTION, his going to be early, my HARRY POTTER ADDICTION, and some female stuff and, WELL, let's just say I'm COUNTING THE MINUTES til the RAPTURE.

(Leave a comment and let me know how your homework went.  Be GRAPHIC, I'm horny. (j/k! no, I'm not)

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ALSO, I think I met a new best friend today.  My 4 year old's preschool class put on a show and I sat down beside a woman who I don't know very well.  At the end of the show the teacher got up and told us to help ourselves to the refreshments on the side table.  The woman's 2 year old daughter looked at her and said, "I'll go get you some wine, mommy."

Makes my former Diet Coke addiction look socially acceptable, doesn't it?

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I'm looking for some people to send me guest posts for my G-Spot section.  (If you've already sent something, I've clearly misplaced it, please resend.)  Click here to see past contributions.

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It's been 45 degrees and rainy here all week.  I'm having 25, 6 year old girls over to my house on Sunday for a soccer birthday party.  Send dry thoughts.  (I bet you never thought you'd hear me say that!)

Love,

Kit