BloggingDangerously

Sex Homework: Hard Habits Die Bad

I don't even know the last time I had sex.  Seriously.

I know, I know, who am I and what did I do with the real me?

It's like this, first I was working, and then we were at the beach house where we PRACTICALLY share a room with the kids and then I was working LATE and then I was in NYC and THEN it was "that time." and now I'm pretty sure I've forgotten how.

My husband says it's like riding a bike - but without the saddle.

I'm willing to give it a go - which is why this post will be short.

Nevertheless, I wanted to point out that this is how bad habits get started...

First you don't do it because you're too busy, then you're too tired, then the expectation is too high - and then finally you don't do it because NOT DOING IT has become your thing.

Well LET ME TELL YOU, if, as a couple, you're going to have a THING.  NOT DOING IS is a LOUSY ONE.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD pick a different THING.

Pick using babytalk, pick PDA, pick arguing in public, pick ANYTHING ELSE.

But don't let the sex get away from you.

Because once you've lost that, you've kind of lost the point of having a LOVER.

So tonight's homework is to break that bad habit; stop being too busy, too tired and too out of practice.

Practice my friends and enjoy.

Leave a comment if you dare...

 

Sex Homework: You Know You Want It

I've recently been having an email conversation with a friend about how frustrating it can be when only one partner initiates sex.

You people know me and you know I am NOT shy when it comes to the maritals but I have to admit that the Mr. hardly gives me 24 hours to make a pass at him before he's looking all distracted and nodding at what I'm saying, but in his head I can HEAR him thinking, "Boobies."

I've got a lot going on between work and the children and servicing all of you and sometimes I'm not ready to tackle the last item on my TO DO list until after midnight and he's asleep.

But yes, I understand that it can sometimes be frustrating to always be the initiator - worse than frustrating - it can be DEMORALIZING.

We all want to be wanted and it feels good to be admired.

So today's homework is to turn to your significant other and say, "I think you're very handsome/beautiful.  I love you."

That's it.

Oh, that's not sex homework you say?

Try it and tell me that.

:)

 

 

Sex Homework: No Really, I Mean It

I am not going to lie to you... the past couple of weeks have been as dry as the Sahara desert at my house.  And I am including the nights that I was in the mood but just too damn lazy to get out of bed to get Siri after my husband fell asleep.

Sad times at Casa de Dangerous.

What's the situation you're wondering?  Well, there are a couple of things going on...  First of all, the husband is on a fitness kick so during the day he's pumping iron instead of well, you know.

And after the kids go to bed he starts falling asleep and drooling in front of the tv until about 9pm when he's ready for bed.

9pm is JUST about the time that I stop working and break out the ol' blog so he's already in bed and snoring by the time I wander in 3 hours later.

On top of that, not having sex makes us cranky so then we get pissy and don't even want to have sex (with each other.)

Eventually we get over it, have sex, stop being cranky and start making time for it again.

That time is now.

For all of us.

I'm leaving for Amsterdam on Sunday so time is getting short.

I need a little inspiration to get over this slump.  So I need you all to get it on and send me romantic karma.

Your homework is to break any dry streak you may be having - whether it's 2 years or 2 minutes - then leave a comment (anonymous is fine) and dare me to follow in your footsteps.

Let's see how many carnal comments we can get by the time I land in the City of Sin on Monday morning, okay?

Have a GREAT weekend!

 

Sex Homework: Mix It Up

Between travelling and being just unbelievably exhausted there hasn't been much bumping uglies in my house lately.

Travelling to Miami and back in the past 48 hours has my nose running like a faucet so I'm not sure what the sex forecast is for the weekend but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I figure if we switch positions so there's no chance that I can cough on him during the deed, I might stand a chance.

So that's your assignment for the weekend too...

I'm sure you have your favorite position but every once in a while it's nice to mix it up a bit - try something new - or old, as the case may be.

If you're the missionary type, work in a little spooning.  If you're more of the doggie style type, try it standing up.

For heaven's sake don't INJURE yourself but try to spice things up.

If you DO injure yourself, remember that the euphemism for "It happened during sex." is "I was helping my friend move furniture."

Have fun!

Sex Homework: When Life Hands You Lemons...

Yesterday was my husband's birthday.  To celebrate I flew to Miami and left him home with the kids - because I'm a great wife like that.

The trip was for work and THANK GOODNESS my husband isn't much for dates and anniversaries because I spent our 9th anniversary on a business trip to NY.

Romance is my middle name.

Not.

But what I lack in Ceremonial Sentimentality I make up for in every day effort.

What I mean by that is, YES, I flew to Miami on his birthday but I made sure to give him a birthday BOFF before I left.

And it wasn't easy.

I tried Monday night - a little after midnight nookie to start the year off right but APPARENTLY 42 year old men prefer sleep to sex - at least at midnight.

And then this morning it was OBVIOUS that he was going to prefer sleeping in to christening the new year.  And when I saw OBVIOUS, I mean that the snoring sort of gave it away.

No worries, we made a plan to rendezvous in the bedroom after I'd packed and after he'd dropped the 4yo off at preschool.  That gave us 3 hours to ourselves - which is about 2 hours and 55 minutes longer than we'd need if history was any indication.

I was wrapping up some stuff at work when the phone rang...

"Hello." I said.

"Oh hello!" she said, "This is the school nurse.  Your son is waging an epic battle for dominance of the herd and your husband doesn't stand a chance. is complaining of a tummy ache." she said.

"Ok," I told her.  "I'll have my husband come get him."

As soon as they walked in the door my husband gave me a look that said, "Well that takes care of that!"

But I love him for his sticktoitiveness and a few minutes later he gave my son a glass of water and a tums and sent him to bed.

I wasn't wholly comfortable with the thought of having sex in our bed with him just down the hall and awake so I brought my husband into our Master Bathroom.  I figured that put at least THREE doors and a few walls between us and the kiddo and if I could manage to be quiet (doubtful) we might just get away with it.

WHOA - we have  A LOT of mirrors in the bathroom.  And a stool so the kids can brush their teeth.  And of course, the throne.

So there was sitting and straddling and standing on a step and MIRRORS everywhere and I managed not to scream and/or fall.

AND my husband had a Happy Birthday smile on for the rest of the day.

So what I'm saying is that I get that it's hard to find the time/opportunity and I get that you're not always in the mood when the opportunity presents itself.  And I get that plans change and you are not a lightswitch BUT I read an article today that says that MARRIED women age 18-49 have sex an average of 1-3 times/MONTH.

And it's my personal goal to help raise that number - both through my own actions - and by inspiring others.  So get out there and do it.

(Hey, I know it's not world peace but it'll put smiles on a lot of faces.)

And P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful husband.  I LOVE you.