BloggingDangerously

The Art of Seduction...

I'm one of those people who can't relax until everything is done.

Yes, I realize that this - combined with my four children and full time job - is why I never sit down.

I'm not gonna lie - this also impacts my ability to enjoy my husband on occasion.

Now let's be fair - I work from home and my children are in school full time - so my husband has more than the usual number of chances to offer a quickie.  And now that the kids are out of the house he has a lot more free time on his hands.

So I refuse to accept full responsibility for the number of "Go Aways" he gets during the hours of noon - 4pm.

Just like he refuses to accept full responsibility for the number that I get during the hours of midnight to 4am. (What can I say, getting all of my work done is a turn on for me.)

Sometimes, however, the stars align and we're on the same page.

On Friday I had a client who was driving me INSANE and a 6 minute break was just what the doctor ordered.

My husband, not knowing this, walked into my office and gave me a kiss on the neck.  He does this about 10 times a day and I love it.  Even when I'm on the phone and forget I'm not on mute and moan.  Oops.

On Friday, however, I wasn't on the phone - and I needed a break.  I turned and kissed him back.

He looked at me, "what?" he asked.

"What?" I asked getting up from my office chair and walking toward our bedroom.

"Really?" he asked.

"Why not?" I answered.  "You have some free time.  I have some free time.  You have an outie.  I have an innie..."

And judging by the next 6 minutes, Cyrano never said such magic words...

 

 

Fallback Plan

Saturday morning I coached an 8am soccer game and a 9am soccer game for my daughters while my husband coached a 9am football game for my sons.  After the 9 o'clock game my daughters and I raced back to the football field to see the last play of the football game.  Then my in-laws - who had come up for the game - came back to my house and I made bolognese sauce and lasagna.  

I took the kids out to ride their bikes (my 5yo is THISCLOSE to riding by herself) and cleaned out all of the too-small clothes from the kids' drawers and helped them put away about 6 loads of laundry.

It was a LONG day.

At 6am when my husband was trying to get me out of bed he started whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  He was just doing it to get me aroused and awake but it totally backfired when I whispered my own sweet nothings back.

He looked at me and his eyes dilated as all of the blood left his head.  I'm pretty sure he giggled.  "Okay" he said.

"Go away." I told him snuggling back into the bed.

"TONIGHT." he promised.

Well, after our early wakeup call and the day we had, there wasn't much energy left by bedtime to fulfill any commitments.  

But neither of us wanted to completely pull the plug.

"I don't think I can - but I want to." I told him.

"That's okay, we don't have to." he said, kissing me.

Before long, one thing led to another and while neither of us made good on the promises we'd made that morning, we managed to essentially achieve the same goal.

The situation doesn't have to be perfect, you can be too tired, too busy, too whatever, you just have to give yourself 5 minutes (according to World of Psychology) and a willingness to compromise and you're there.

And the ironic twist to this post is that I just turned my husband down to finish this post.

 

 

 

Dangerous in the City

My company was acquired about a year ago and we're finally going through a reorganization that has me working in New York City two days a week starting this week.

I am THRILLED.

Of course it's going to take some getting used to and being away from the kids will be hard but the truth is that it's only one night per week and my husband is a rock star father.

I LOVE to travel and despite living so close I've never spent very much time in New York City.

I'm so excited to go and take pictures and SEE things and go for a run on the East River!

I leave first thing this morning for 48 hours.  Be excited for me okay? 

Also, leave suggestions on what to do in the comments!!!

TSA Would Never Approve of Carmen

I spent last week in Amsterdam on business but managed to spend some time sightseeing and shopping.

I discovered Stroopwafels which are difficult to describe - but imagine a round sandwich with the top and bottom made from the same material as a waffel cone and filled with caramel.  A word of warning:  The first 15 are AMAZING.  The next 15, less so.  The thrid 15 are nauseating.

I discovered LUSH, a cosmetics store that uses all natural ingredients.  I AM LOVING their Chinese mud and Rosemary face scrub but punted on their mud mask when they told me it had to be kept refrigerated so it didn't grow mold.

I bought cute wooden shoes for my daughters and an AWESOME knit hat for my younger son.  My older son had his heart set on a snow globe so that's what he got.

And I bought a skin tight black shirt for my husband.  Oh, the shirt was for me to wear but it was a gift for my husband - if you get my point.

But the night before I left I felt bad returning home with nothing specifically for my husband.  He's into hunting and doesn't mind a relaxing smoke once in a while so I decided to get him this:

Which seemed like a FABULOUS idea while I was standing there in the red light district but revealed itself to be a VERY BAD idea the following day at airport security.

First, I went through Amsterdam airport security, which is essentially non-existent.  Then I walked through the airport in a DESPERATE search for a croissant.  Finally I went to my gate where I found "American security."

This was disastrous for a number of reasons.  First of all it meant that I couldn't carry any Diet Coke onto the plane.  For anyone with a substance abuse problem you know what I mean when I tell you that I was NOT HAPPY at the prospect of spending 8 hours with a rationed supply of Diet Coke - no matter how friendly and generous the Delta Flight Attendants were.

The next disaster occurred when I put my briefcase through the scanner and the TSA agent pulled it aside and asked, "Is this yours?"

Just as I was trying to figure out how to say, "It's a vibrator" in dutch, she pulled out the gift bag for my husband.

"It's metal?" she asked.

I nodded.

CRAP!  Busted for drug paraphernalia.

But there's no residue!  It's a tobacco grinder!

Foolish American.

The could not have cared less about my grinder's illicit purpose or past - they cared that it was shaped like bullets.

And the fact that it unscrewed completely - revealing nothing inside? 

Didn't matter.

And the fact that bullets without a gun are not really a threat?

Didn't matter.

So I asked them, "Well, can I put it in my luggage and check my luggage?"

"Nope."

"Can I go back through security and mail it to myself at home?"

"Nope."

So I left my bullet grinder at the TSA counter in Amsterdam.

And I learned a valuable lesson - DO NOT TAKE BULLET VIBES on airplanes!

Jeremiah Weed

Yesterday I drove 420 miles round trip to a 2 hour meeting in Connecticut where I was allowed to say 50 words by an overeager coworker who thought he knew everything.

He even interrupted me - REPEATEDLY - to say, "She's right."

The funny thing is that he's new to the team and a good deal of what he said was incorrect.

Good times.

The best part of my day - besides treating myself to sushi for dinner (and then expensing it) was buying this shirt...

 
because sweet tea, vodka and weed on a tight t-shirt? OBVIOUSLY.

Unfortunately my town is too conservative and too cold right now for this shirt...

Fortunately I fly to Miami tomorrow.  Guess what I'll be wearing on the plane?