BloggingDangerously

You Know You're Raising Entitled Children When...

Your 9 year old goes into the bathroom and the next thing you hear is him yelling, "SINGLE PLY?!?!"

I Don't Even Know What State He's From...

Last weekend we had a fire in the fire pit on our deck.  It was super fun because it saved me from having to shred a year's worth of financial documents (it's amazing what a little lighter fluid can do.)

It was also fun because it created a focal point while the 6 of us just hung out and chatted.

At one point my younger son asked my younger daughter to dance.  It was adorable.

Then my older son said, "Can I try?"

"No," I told him, "You ask, 'can i cut in'?"

So he asked and my daughter turned to him.

The younger son asked, INCREDULOUS, "You're DUMPING me?"

Every time I think of it I laugh.

That's How It's Done

The boys where complaining tonight about all the chores they have (empty the dishwasher, move laundery from the washer to the dryer) and how the girls have none and how the girls get lots of things and they get nothing.

Specifically that the girls have a $15 full length mirror in their room and that I bought one of the girls a betta fish this weekend ($7) because she did a TON of schoolwork this summer and worked very hard.

The boys felt that this injustice should be remedied by me buying them a Boa Constrictor and also by taking them to NYC for a weekend.

I advised them that a full length mirror is a reasonable request and a boa constrictor is not.  I also advised them that a trip to NYC is not something you earn by putting your own dishes in the dishwasher.  (By doing this you earn dinner.)

I further coached them that if they approach their todo list with a little more gusto and cheer and a little less bitching and moaning that perhaps their hard work will be rewarded and at worst they will avoid being kicked in the behind.

10 minutes later my husband noticed that one of them left the light in the basement on.  "Boys," he called, "One of you needs to go down and turn off the light."

My older son said, "I will." with almost unrecognizable cheer.

Then he looked at his younger brother and said, "BOOM!  That's how it's done.  I'll send you a postcard from NYC."

 

Scape Goat

Last week my daughter turned 9.  She told all of her friends that she wanted an Apple gift card for her birthday so that she could buy her own iTouch.

This, despite the fact that she has a Kindle Fire which is a MUCH better form factor for an internet enabled device that is not also a phone.

Sadly, this fact is not marketed to 9 year olds.

I digress.

Thankfully for me my daughter did not receive the requisite number of gift cards (and associated CASH VALUE) to actually buy the iTouch - yet.  However, it's only a matter of time.

Tonight, as we she talked about how AWESOME it was going to be when she got it, I reminded her that she will not have any "Public" accounts like instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc until she is older.  And, I mentioned in passing, of course I will be able to monitor her internet usage and texting.

She.Lost.It.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" she asked.

"I won't read all of your texts." I told her, but I"ll have access to them.

"BUT WHY?"

"To protect you."

"Don't you trust me?" she asked.

UGH.

I mean, I sort of trust her.  I trust her to WANT to do the right thing but I won't let her carry the burden of having to make the right decision alone.  I want to be her scape goat - the person she can blame when she's facing peer pressure.

My IDEAL situation is that when she's in a situation she doesn't know how to stand up to, she can take a deep breath, breathe easy and say, "I can't do that.  You KNOW my mother will kill me."

And when her friends say, "You're right.  Your mother is a BITCH."

That is my finest moment.

 

What Did He THINK I Was Going To Say?

I just got back from a business trip to New Jersey.  There are a lot of shitty places in the world but in no place are they as proud of it as they are in New Jersey.

I grabbed a late dinner near my hotel - at Applebees.  It was karaoke night.  You are so jealous of my life.

Anyway, I CLEARLY have not blogged in a bit - amazing how busy you THINK you are when you have a bunch of toddlers.  Let me tell you, you do NOT know busy until they stay up past 7:30pm.  Holy hell. 

So why am I blogging?  It's called INSPIRATION.

I got home from my trip tonight at 7pm.  My husband carried my bag upstairs and put it in our room.  A few minutes later my 9yo got out of the shower and asked me for "the brush I took on my trip with me."

"It's in my bag in my room." I told her.

She went in search of it.  My husband's face paled. "In. Your. Bag?" he asked pointedly.

It dawned on me that I take Siri on every business trip and that "she" was also in my bag.

(Aside: If you are having trouble falling asleep in a strange bed a HUGE endorphin rush helps.)

"It's fine." I told him, realizing that Siri was buried at the bottom of my bag and the brush was right on top.

"Someday they're going to find it and you're going to have to tell them something." he said, a little bit accusingly.

"I'll tell them it's the best money they can spend." I answered.

He gaped.

"Seriously," I began, "You should be happy.  If they can satisfy their own needs, it will keep them away from boys longer."

"STOP." he commanded.  "JUST STOP, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS."

It's like he doesn't even know me.