BloggingDangerously

Scape Goat

Last week my daughter turned 9.  She told all of her friends that she wanted an Apple gift card for her birthday so that she could buy her own iTouch.

This, despite the fact that she has a Kindle Fire which is a MUCH better form factor for an internet enabled device that is not also a phone.

Sadly, this fact is not marketed to 9 year olds.

I digress.

Thankfully for me my daughter did not receive the requisite number of gift cards (and associated CASH VALUE) to actually buy the iTouch - yet.  However, it's only a matter of time.

Tonight, as we she talked about how AWESOME it was going to be when she got it, I reminded her that she will not have any "Public" accounts like instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc until she is older.  And, I mentioned in passing, of course I will be able to monitor her internet usage and texting.

She.Lost.It.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" she asked.

"I won't read all of your texts." I told her, but I"ll have access to them.

"BUT WHY?"

"To protect you."

"Don't you trust me?" she asked.

UGH.

I mean, I sort of trust her.  I trust her to WANT to do the right thing but I won't let her carry the burden of having to make the right decision alone.  I want to be her scape goat - the person she can blame when she's facing peer pressure.

My IDEAL situation is that when she's in a situation she doesn't know how to stand up to, she can take a deep breath, breathe easy and say, "I can't do that.  You KNOW my mother will kill me."

And when her friends say, "You're right.  Your mother is a BITCH."

That is my finest moment.

 

What Did He THINK I Was Going To Say?

I just got back from a business trip to New Jersey.  There are a lot of shitty places in the world but in no place are they as proud of it as they are in New Jersey.

I grabbed a late dinner near my hotel - at Applebees.  It was karaoke night.  You are so jealous of my life.

Anyway, I CLEARLY have not blogged in a bit - amazing how busy you THINK you are when you have a bunch of toddlers.  Let me tell you, you do NOT know busy until they stay up past 7:30pm.  Holy hell. 

So why am I blogging?  It's called INSPIRATION.

I got home from my trip tonight at 7pm.  My husband carried my bag upstairs and put it in our room.  A few minutes later my 9yo got out of the shower and asked me for "the brush I took on my trip with me."

"It's in my bag in my room." I told her.

She went in search of it.  My husband's face paled. "In. Your. Bag?" he asked pointedly.

It dawned on me that I take Siri on every business trip and that "she" was also in my bag.

(Aside: If you are having trouble falling asleep in a strange bed a HUGE endorphin rush helps.)

"It's fine." I told him, realizing that Siri was buried at the bottom of my bag and the brush was right on top.

"Someday they're going to find it and you're going to have to tell them something." he said, a little bit accusingly.

"I'll tell them it's the best money they can spend." I answered.

He gaped.

"Seriously," I began, "You should be happy.  If they can satisfy their own needs, it will keep them away from boys longer."

"STOP." he commanded.  "JUST STOP, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS."

It's like he doesn't even know me.