You know how sometimes you're just standing there in a crowded place and all of a sudden a stranger steps on your foot and you give them a look like, "Hey ASSHOLE, That's my foot!"?
And they give you a half-assed "sorry" and keep moving and you're left with an annoyed feeling in your stomach for the rest of the day?
And that happens in some form or another fairly frequently?
And then one day you're standing there and you happen to look down and all of a sudden you realize that you TEND to stand with your foot sticking out about 15 inches from directly underneath you and suddenly you realize that ALL THOSE ASSHOLES who were stepping on your foot were actually TRIPPING on the foot that you left stuck out in the aisle. And what's worse?
Now you realize that YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE.
CRAP.
So there are currently AT LEAST three different social situations happening in my life right now that are making me feel like assholes are stepping on my feet. But at the same time, I'm trying to look at myself and make sure that I am not the asshole.
I KNOW that it's easy to see things from your own point of you. And that it's HARD to see them through other people's eyes.
How do you figure out when you're right and when you're wrong and what you're not seeing?
And how do you decide how much asshattery you're willing to put up with from other people?
Comments SORELY needed.
Thanks.
I think the only thing you can truly rely on in situations like these is that one (or maybe two) friend who loves you enough to say, "nope, this time, it's you."
Posted by: Kristy | April 08, 2013 at 09:37 PM
I will totally cop to my crazy moments. Hey, if stepped on by enough assholes one is bound to have their own bout of ass-hattery. MY ass-hat is completely invisible...only time and self-reflection lets me find the damn thing.
Posted by: Terry | April 08, 2013 at 10:11 PM
In my experience true Assholes never entertain the notion that THEY could be the issue. Never. They are absolutely secure in the knowledge that they are in no way responsible for whatever has become an issue - the problem is always YOURS.
So therefore, the fact that you are wondering about being right and trying to be sure your position is sound - well that's pretty much proof that you are NOT the asshole.
Posted by: Dar Long | April 08, 2013 at 10:16 PM
How did you get in my head? I have the same thing going on right now. Called a friend who knows the other person and as soon as I started talked she said "she doesn't listen." My point exactly.
Now to figure out how to point this out in a committee meeting on Wednesday.
Posted by: Lisa | April 08, 2013 at 10:17 PM
I'm with the previous commenter who said if you're wondering if you're the asshole then you probably aren't. Real assholes always think it's the other persons fault.
Posted by: Vanessa | April 08, 2013 at 10:26 PM
Need more specifics (which you probably cannot give in a blog) to be more specific with an answer, but basically, I ask myself
1) If I'd done something else, could this have been prevented? (eg, if my foot wasn't sticking halfway to Mars, would I still have gotten trampled?)
2) If no, fuck em.
3) If yes, would my having done that different thing made things actually WORSE for me than whatever just went wrong?
4) If yes, fuck em (most likely - sometimes it NEEDS to be worse for me)
5) How often do I come into conflict with this same person over the same fucking thing, and how much do I seriously blame myself for except the bit where I stick around and don't get the hell out of dodge?
Posted by: Jester Queen | April 08, 2013 at 10:52 PM
Other people make me crazy, they irritate and upset me pretty much all the time and then I remind myself that I am probably upsetting and offending someone else and not even being aware of it at probably the exact same time. So the thing to think about for me is, "is it worth it?" The aggravation of a social situation, or interaction, or even the relationship--is it worth putting up with, or forgiving (especially without an acknowledgment or apology), and do I want the others involved to show me grace for my irritations and offensiveness. Socially, we have to make allowances for others just to get along but more personal relationships can be re-evaluated. Maybe a gentle conversation about whatever is going on could help the situation or maybe just a personal change of perspective will make things better. Sometimes situations or people just need to be avoided or relegated to "acquaintance" instead of "friend".
Posted by: Nikki | April 08, 2013 at 11:46 PM
Ask a friend. Or a husband. Say - this keeps happening, and i'm wondering if i'm bringing it on myself, or there's something i could be doing differently.
good luck.
i hate it when i think i'm just not seeing something obvious.
Posted by: kazari | April 09, 2013 at 12:04 AM
I wish I had better advice here. I refuse to believe that people are outwardly asshole-ish without reason . . . so when I experience someone who is rude or mean to me, I assume there is some reason for them to be rude or mean to me. And then I sulk in the corner because that someone was rude or mean to me.
But, when push comes to shove, there are people who, simply, are assholes - so, even if you're looking inward, that doesn't mean that what you find there is the root cause of the assholery.
So, really, this isn't any advice. Just a blathering. I'm good at those :-)
Posted by: John (Daddy Runs a Lot) | April 09, 2013 at 08:18 AM
I substitute my self for somebody else...somebody I love and have a duty to protect. How would I feel if somebody were treating them in this situation? Is it their fault or is somebody else to blame? Helps me, maybe it will help you!
Posted by: Heather! | April 09, 2013 at 10:33 AM
That's why I recommend pointing out that they are stepping on your toes without doing so rudely. This way you don't perpetuate anger and bad vibes. Just in the event that you're in the wrong, too. Politeness is much better than anger. :)
Posted by: The Borg Blog | April 09, 2013 at 03:19 PM
Wait, How can we ever be the assholes? That's just not right ;P
Kidding, I've totally been guilty for time to time but I try to be aware of situations before they happen. It"s a thing, I really need to let it go.. OCD tendencies, but only tendencies...hmmmm, denial much? Ok now I've raved too much and annoyed you... DOH, see OCD and people pleasing... OK I'm stopping, closing the computer, walking away.....
Posted by: Molley Mills | April 09, 2013 at 07:29 PM
I think sometimes it just takes learning from the past and the mistakes that you've already made. Sometimes it takes tripping a few people to realize that you're the asshole and it's time to make a change.
Posted by: Krysten | April 09, 2013 at 08:58 PM
It is a universal truth that many patterns in our lives are caused by ourselves. If we always have trouble with the same sort of thing, look in a mirror. Make a list if you can of all the elements of the conflict, the person and how you feel. There might be a pattern and you could be at the centre of it.
Posted by: Magnolia Ripkin | April 10, 2013 at 12:20 AM
Congrats on being aware you might have caused someone difficulty, most people are not that aware. Sometimes it is easier to just walk away. If you can't, try looking at what they are doing and see if that is something you have had a problem with in the past and what it is that makes you mad about they are doing.
Posted by: Richard | April 10, 2013 at 05:30 PM
I try to always be mindful of others' feelings and live by the Golden Rule. Obviously, there's things we don't know we're doing that just annoy others. If they don't tell us, we have to rely on their body language to realize when they're displeased with us. It can be tricky. If I have the epiphany that I've unknowingly been an asshole, I apologize and just say I was clueless. If I won't see the person again, I just chalk it up to human nature.
Posted by: Chrisor | April 10, 2013 at 08:31 PM