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April 08, 2013


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I think the only thing you can truly rely on in situations like these is that one (or maybe two) friend who loves you enough to say, "nope, this time, it's you."


I will totally cop to my crazy moments. Hey, if stepped on by enough assholes one is bound to have their own bout of ass-hattery. MY ass-hat is completely invisible...only time and self-reflection lets me find the damn thing.

Dar Long

In my experience true Assholes never entertain the notion that THEY could be the issue. Never. They are absolutely secure in the knowledge that they are in no way responsible for whatever has become an issue - the problem is always YOURS.

So therefore, the fact that you are wondering about being right and trying to be sure your position is sound - well that's pretty much proof that you are NOT the asshole.


How did you get in my head? I have the same thing going on right now. Called a friend who knows the other person and as soon as I started talked she said "she doesn't listen." My point exactly.
Now to figure out how to point this out in a committee meeting on Wednesday.


I'm with the previous commenter who said if you're wondering if you're the asshole then you probably aren't. Real assholes always think it's the other persons fault.

Jester Queen

Need more specifics (which you probably cannot give in a blog) to be more specific with an answer, but basically, I ask myself

1) If I'd done something else, could this have been prevented? (eg, if my foot wasn't sticking halfway to Mars, would I still have gotten trampled?)

2) If no, fuck em.

3) If yes, would my having done that different thing made things actually WORSE for me than whatever just went wrong?

4) If yes, fuck em (most likely - sometimes it NEEDS to be worse for me)

5) How often do I come into conflict with this same person over the same fucking thing, and how much do I seriously blame myself for except the bit where I stick around and don't get the hell out of dodge?


Other people make me crazy, they irritate and upset me pretty much all the time and then I remind myself that I am probably upsetting and offending someone else and not even being aware of it at probably the exact same time. So the thing to think about for me is, "is it worth it?" The aggravation of a social situation, or interaction, or even the relationship--is it worth putting up with, or forgiving (especially without an acknowledgment or apology), and do I want the others involved to show me grace for my irritations and offensiveness. Socially, we have to make allowances for others just to get along but more personal relationships can be re-evaluated. Maybe a gentle conversation about whatever is going on could help the situation or maybe just a personal change of perspective will make things better. Sometimes situations or people just need to be avoided or relegated to "acquaintance" instead of "friend".


Ask a friend. Or a husband. Say - this keeps happening, and i'm wondering if i'm bringing it on myself, or there's something i could be doing differently.
good luck.
i hate it when i think i'm just not seeing something obvious.

John (Daddy Runs a Lot)

I wish I had better advice here. I refuse to believe that people are outwardly asshole-ish without reason . . . so when I experience someone who is rude or mean to me, I assume there is some reason for them to be rude or mean to me. And then I sulk in the corner because that someone was rude or mean to me.

But, when push comes to shove, there are people who, simply, are assholes - so, even if you're looking inward, that doesn't mean that what you find there is the root cause of the assholery.

So, really, this isn't any advice. Just a blathering. I'm good at those :-)


I substitute my self for somebody else...somebody I love and have a duty to protect. How would I feel if somebody were treating them in this situation? Is it their fault or is somebody else to blame? Helps me, maybe it will help you!

The Borg Blog

That's why I recommend pointing out that they are stepping on your toes without doing so rudely. This way you don't perpetuate anger and bad vibes. Just in the event that you're in the wrong, too. Politeness is much better than anger. :)

Molley Mills

Wait, How can we ever be the assholes? That's just not right ;P
Kidding, I've totally been guilty for time to time but I try to be aware of situations before they happen. It"s a thing, I really need to let it go.. OCD tendencies, but only tendencies...hmmmm, denial much? Ok now I've raved too much and annoyed you... DOH, see OCD and people pleasing... OK I'm stopping, closing the computer, walking away.....


I think sometimes it just takes learning from the past and the mistakes that you've already made. Sometimes it takes tripping a few people to realize that you're the asshole and it's time to make a change.

Magnolia Ripkin

It is a universal truth that many patterns in our lives are caused by ourselves. If we always have trouble with the same sort of thing, look in a mirror. Make a list if you can of all the elements of the conflict, the person and how you feel. There might be a pattern and you could be at the centre of it.


Congrats on being aware you might have caused someone difficulty, most people are not that aware. Sometimes it is easier to just walk away. If you can't, try looking at what they are doing and see if that is something you have had a problem with in the past and what it is that makes you mad about they are doing.


I try to always be mindful of others' feelings and live by the Golden Rule. Obviously, there's things we don't know we're doing that just annoy others. If they don't tell us, we have to rely on their body language to realize when they're displeased with us. It can be tricky. If I have the epiphany that I've unknowingly been an asshole, I apologize and just say I was clueless. If I won't see the person again, I just chalk it up to human nature.

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