Remember the cleanse I started in an effort to lose these last 10 pounds once and for all?!? Remember I said I needed to do something drastic because when I "go on a diet" it only works for about 4 days and then I gain weight and am a complete and total bitch?
Well, here's what happened this time.
It worked for the first 7 days and then I gained it all back and was a complete and total bitch.
SHOCKER.
I was going to stick with it until the end because I'd paid for it but when my husband sat me down and said, "Are you okay? Because you seem like you've been miserable for 3 weeks..." And I snapped back, "I'M FUCKING HUNGRY" - I knew it was time to change something.
The diet wasn't working. I'd gained back all the weight I'd lost in the first 7 days and I wasn't cheating or eating anything I wasn't supposed to eat. I even went out to dinner with the two women who had introduced me to the diet and they CHEATED and had meat, cheese, alcohol and bread while I had a dry salad. And they were losing weight and I was not.
So I took a step back and said, "Something is wrong." And it obviously was.
The first thing I did was look at when the diet stopped working for me - it was following the two day fast. 2 days of running 6 miles per day and eating nothing and I gained 3 pounds.
My body doesn't like fasting. My body doesn't like dieting either. I have a VERY LOW tolerance for sudden (or even gradual) drops in my caloric intake and my body rapidly adjusts my metabolism to store fat in these situations. Not good for dieting.
In fact, there have been two times in my life where I was very successful at dieting - the first was in my 20s when I started dating a new guy. I was eating 2 bagels for breakfast (Bruegger's bagels - the 400 calorie EACH type) and having a Mexican chicken Burrito (in San Diego) for lunch. Then after work I was running 6-8 miles/day and going home for a snack before I headed to my boyfriends house where I mostly SKIPPED dinner.
If you look at it I was EASILY eating 1600+ calories/day but I was totally front loading them.
The same thing happened after my 4th child was born. I did weight watchers and I was so hungry early in the day that all I would have left for dinner points would be chicken and vegetables and a quarter cup of rice. And of course I was nursing all night.
I've known that I needed this "reverse diet" for a while - front load the calories to keep my metabolism up and then sleep through the misery of hunger but since I've been married and had children I haven't wanted to skip dinner - plus "skipping dinner" feels like the deprivation that usually torpedos my strongest resolve.
But this diet taught me a few things. It taught me that I can live without Diet Coke. (I've had exactly 2 in the last 3 weeks - one per day for the past 2 days.) And it taught me that Diet Coke is not the thing that's sabotaging my diet efforts. It taught me that I can live without most carbs (although I am a big fan of whole grain bread and pasta now.) But I dont really think it matters if I do or not. (Remember the two bagels?)
And it taught me that I can live without potato chips. I haven't had one in 3 weeks.
Of course we made Christmas cookies on Sunday and I MAY have eaten some of those.
And a FIVE GUYS burger.
But all I had for dinner was baby lettuce and cucumber.
And I lost a pound.
Today I ate whatever I wanted. Then I ran 6 miles. And then I had lettuce and cucumber for dinner.
Let's see how this goes, shall we?
Because the next option is deciding that I'm just perfect the way I am.
And the American Media is not going to like that AT ALL.
Listening to our bodies is the best diet. I applaud your resolve. Honestly the Media can twist off. I have never seen a picture of you but I guarantee you are the hottest gorgeous you there can be!
Thunderous applause to DH for speaking up.
Good Luck!
Posted by: Josiphine | December 20, 2012 at 09:11 AM
Um. Yeah. The best option is to realize you are perfect the way that you are. And as we get older what is the "perfect" weight changes. There is no way I will EVER be the weight I was in my twenties again, and most folks think it would be unealthy for me if I was. Not that I was anorexic then.
You should stay healthy, of course, and you clearly are. Look how much you've run so far! Yay! Barrelling towards that goal! You should be proud of that, and not worry about the rest!!
In my humble opinion. ;)
Posted by: The Borg Blog | December 20, 2012 at 09:13 AM
I have always found that eating whole foods, often throughout the day, and in reasonable portions i am much better off. As a runner, when i'm running 5+ miles I just have to eat more. That's the bottom line. Beans, whole grains, and fruits are my best friends. Making sure I eat protein (i.e. lean meats or plan based proteins) with everything is good too.
Posted by: Liz | December 20, 2012 at 09:25 AM
Every time I diet, I lose weight and when I get where I'm comfortable...my body automatically goes to a certain number. I don't even have to change anything I'm eating. It's so frustrating.
Posted by: Lori | December 20, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Your discovery sounds like the best Christmas present you could give yourself.
Posted by: mks | December 21, 2012 at 09:13 AM
You are perfect the way YOU ARE! And now I'm going to ask if you have thought about talking to a dietician through your doctor? To see if there are foods that are lowering your metabolism or are working against you. I think they can figure that out for you. Just an idea.
I don't usually comment but I enjoy your blog. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Mel B | December 21, 2012 at 05:56 PM
I suspect that, based on many of your posts, your husband thinks you ARE perfect they way you are! Why mess with perfection?
Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Ken | December 21, 2012 at 06:25 PM
After doing a 16-week 8kg weight loss plan and not losing anything (longest plateau of my life!) I am almost at the same stage .... The stage of going, does it really MATTER and is it worth all the deprivation and counting and flogging myself in the gym?!
This week, no, not at all. :-) Merry Xmas!
Posted by: Rachel @ Reality Chick | December 22, 2012 at 06:20 PM
Restricting severely (to the point where you're hungry and miserable) is usually a recipe for weight regain, plus some. And over time, that plus some can really add up. I like that you've figured out how your body needs fuel - now listen to it and enjoy living in that miraculous machine!
BTW diet coke will likely backfire and make you gain, not lose, weight ... here's the scientific evidence against artificial sweeteners:
http://www.drbriffa.com/2012/12/21/artificial-sweeteners-found-to-boost-weight-gain-in-animals/
Posted by: Mary | December 28, 2012 at 03:43 AM
the weight loss path is not easy, and you may need to reach out for help from a support group or counselor, but the weight will come off.
Posted by: Ramon | January 02, 2013 at 12:52 AM
But we think you're perfect just the way you are! Though I'd have been a bitch trying to do what you were doing.
I'll admit reservations in thinking about you & the detox diet. First off, while I've only met you once, and I know the truth of "looking in the mirror" and seeing something other than what anyone else sees better than most anyone else, I didn't think you had any weight to lose.
But, more importantly, you seem to be tremendously in-tune with your body -- you appear to be a reactionary eater (which is a good thing until you start eating to stave off stress, but that's a whole other story), you know your limits, you don't need alcohol, though knowing you don't need Diet Coke is a good thing to have in the back of your mind, knowing Diet Coke isn't hurting you ain't too shabby, either.
Me, I can't front-load, though I wish I could - I just don't get hungry enough in the morning, so when I attempt to front-load, I start messing with my sense of hunger, and that means I look to eat far earlier than I should.
Posted by: DaddyRunsALot | January 03, 2013 at 08:25 AM