When my older daughter was born I nicknamed her Belle. I figured there would be enough things in the world that made her feel insecure about her appearance that if I called her "beautiful" 100 times a day I might stand a chance at outweighing the millions of subliminal messages making her feel otherwise.
"You are so smart and powerful and strong and beautiful and I am SO PROUD OF YOU." I tell her every day at least twice.
But when she started school she didn't believe me because it was hard and she is not confident and while she could DO the work she was afraid to give her answer out loud in case it was wrong.
And then she was afraid to try so the work became harder and we were spinning wildly out of control so I chose another tack. I gave her work to do that was WAY TOO EASY.
And she FLEW through it. And then we did more and more and I told her that letters were just symbols but so were words and that the more she practiced the more "big symbols" she would know and wouldn't have to sound out. And she BELIEVED me.
Tonight I taught her how to multiply - and she totally got it. And then she drew a beautiful picture of a flower and I said, "That's Beautiful!"
And then she drew something tiny beside the flower that I couldn't make out and I asked her, "what is that?" and she said, "It's a person."
And I said, "Hm, it's a VERY SMALL person." And she corrected me, "No, he's just very far away from the flower."
And her perspective FLOORED me and I said, "You are VERY, VERY smart."
And she looked up at me and smiled and just nodded like she TOTALLY KNEW THAT ALREADY.
So my plan is working.
Beautiful post that speaks from the heart! I love it.
Posted by: Mamaintheburbs | July 13, 2012 at 09:17 AM
I am raising two girls and worry about instilling confidence in them. I love your approach and I love even more that you are giving her the tools she needs to build her own confidence. Because that's the real secret, its not enough to be told those things, you have to believe them about yourself.
Posted by: Melissa | July 13, 2012 at 09:20 AM
Everday I say to my son, "I Love you, I'm proud or you, and you're good at____________" I pick something he did well that day.
I alos get him to evaluate his own performance. An example is we were practicing letters ( he's 5) after we are done i as "which one is the best" and follow with "why" he is learning to recognize how to improve and at the same time is proud of his won performance with letter.
Posted by: Rob | July 13, 2012 at 09:33 AM
Hats off to you dear! Girls need lessons like this. Keep up the great parenting!
Posted by: Becky | July 13, 2012 at 10:46 AM
I *live* for that look of confidence! When my daughter looks at me like that, I feel so happy for her. That maybe she'll grow up with more confidence than I did.
She's lucky to have you for a mom!
Posted by: Erin@MommyontheSpot | July 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM
That's a pretty excellent plan. I may need to take that tactic myself... I'll totally give you credit.
Posted by: Matt Conlon | July 14, 2012 at 12:18 AM
What an amazing post! Thank you for this wonderful perspective! :)
Posted by: Krystle Wainscott | July 14, 2012 at 06:40 PM
And now I'm all goose bumply. Thanks!
Posted by: Handflapper | July 14, 2012 at 10:41 PM
I call my daughter Bella as well, because she's beautiful :)
Then Twilight ruined it :(
Posted by: Laine | July 16, 2012 at 02:28 PM
We struggle with this too. NHL is extremely smart but he tends to not think he can do things. Homework can become an hour long scream-fest (on his side) with him shouting how it's too hard and he doesn't know how to. When he actually stops screaming and starts working on his homework, though, he inevitably burns through it rapidly and declares it was easy.
I've told him that he's never to say "I can't" because he can once he sets his mind to it. I just wish he'd believe in himself the way I believe in him.
Posted by: TechyDad | July 16, 2012 at 08:44 PM