I've been going through some drama for the past few weeks that has gone something like this: (Note: IN MY HEAD)
"I'm arguing with my family. Now my family hates me and we will never be together on the holidays again. If I dont have to live near my family so that we can spend the holidays together I can live anywhere I want. Where do I want to live? What work will I have in this new place? What do I want to be when I grow up? Oh no, I have to get a new job! What if I don't want to move? Who can I talk to about these things? Why don't I have any friends? Thank God I have my family. Oh shit! I'm arguing with my family..." Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
In other news, I've been TREMENDOUSLY fun to have around and no, I have not been invited to any parties lately, why do you ask?
As much as these anxiety ridden moments of midlife crisis suck, they do help in some respects.
For example, I've realized that I DO have friends. And not only do I have some really, really amazing ones, I have some, "Oh shit, is she going to do this again? I have my own shit going on but I love her even though she is one crazy bastard" sort of friends.
Some of them are 20 year old friends. And some of them are ghosts in the machine - from the internet friends - but for the past 3 weeks they've listened to my bullshit and they haven't once said, "oh for the love of fuck, shut the hell up."
Although I'm pretty sure they wanted to.
Hell, there were a few times that I wanted to.
Beyond that, beyond realizing how blessed I am, it was also helpful to hear from people that they go through the same doubts themselves - although maybe not in the same "If I'm going to have a breakdown I'm going to go large!" way that I did.
Many people told me that they have a lot of acquaintances but only a few real friends.
Many people told me that they struggle to find a balance between spending time with their "spouse & kids" family and their "family that they were born into."
A LOT of people told me that if I found a way to solve in-law issues they wanted the secret.
And my friend Sarah told me, "Life is a Hot Mess and You Do the Best You Can."
And truer words were never spoken.
Hey Kit, I am sorry you're going through a rough patch in life. Keep your head up; you are a genuinely good person that works hard for the life and family you do have. From what you have written here, sounds to me like you have the best friend a woman could ever want sleeping right there beside you...a man that seems to love and get you for exactly who you are.
And all of us that are devoted readers and also love you for exactly who you are.
Posted by: Jenny | June 13, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Hello Kit. I'm thinking Kit is the name your mom wanted to name her little girl when she was like 10 years old. My name would have been Gladys had my mom birthed me at the ripe age of 12.
I stumbled upon your blog while reading reviews about the dalliances of Mr. Grey and Ms. Steele. (if you anyone needs to ask, come out from under your rock!) I've laughed my ass off reading your blog. Tell it like it is! Free yourself! Oh, right, you're doing/done that. Trash talk typed so eloquently. Loving it.
Thanks for swallowing the blue pill that pushed you off the deep edge and into this cyberland abyss of indiscretion and blatant honesty, even if exaggerated times ten on occasion.
Looking forward to the future, Kit.
Anonymously yours,
dadsmutt
Posted by: dadsmutt | June 13, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Blargh! Sounds like job stress has spilled over into life stress!! No fun at all.
Posted by: Jester Queen | June 14, 2012 at 08:01 AM
Oh, my darling Kit. If I know anyone who can take the lemons and not only make damn good lemonade, but also market it like a pro and turn it into a profitable business franchise in the time it takes to cook french toast, it's you. :) All will be well and whatever the next chapter brings will be just as interesting and exciting as those that have come before. Hugs!
Posted by: A | June 16, 2012 at 08:56 PM