Lately it feels like I've spent more nights in hotel rooms than in my own bed.
This is not true but the time on the road feels endless and the time at home feels so short.
On the other hand, the hotel staff treat me like royalty.
Tonight I checked in late and was greeted with, "Hello again, Miss Kit! I've upgraded your room to a suite."
And SWEET it was.
It's the biggest hotel room I've ever seen in New York City. There are two 34" tvs, two closets, and a bathroom as big as most NYC hotel rooms.
There is a separate shower and a jacuzzi tub and I thought to myself, "SElf, THIS, is what life should be like."
And then I looked for a place to unpack my bag.
And I reconsidered.
Don't get me wrong, there were PLENTY of places to put my bag down. There was the funky post-modern chair:
And the UBER trendy chaise:
There was the red chair you can see in the photo above and a variety of other surfaces.
But when I looked at them I thought, "THIS would be a great place for a couple's weekend!" And I realized that I could not possibly be the only person who had ever thought that.
So I asked Twitter what they thought and the RESOUNDING response was that in order to avoid foreign DNA I should stay away from any horizontal surface and sleep in the bathtub.
Which I'm TOTALLY not going to do because someone special is waiting for me in the bed...
Sweet Dreams!
UPDATE: The "Dead bird" on my bed is a very expensive vibrator in a silk purse. Honestly. It's like you people don't even know me.
If I lived closer and we were actual friends I would offer to stay with your kids for a night or two (maybe take them to the beach) so your husband could go with you sometime.
Posted by: Jenny | April 25, 2012 at 09:58 AM
What is that?!?!
Posted by: Brittany | April 25, 2012 at 01:19 PM
As best I can tell by zooming in, that looks an awful lot like a dead bird. Please tell me that's not a dead bird in your uber-fancy hotel suite! Because if so, next time they owe you the mack-daddy penthouse. Preferably with no dead critters.
Posted by: Jenny Lyn | April 25, 2012 at 01:41 PM
You little devil you! ! I knew immediately what it was and I have only known you a few months! :-) hope you enjoyed the royal treatment...and the "someone special!"
Also, what Jenny said.
Posted by: Ken | April 25, 2012 at 03:54 PM
Ugh. What is it about hotel rooms, that they, no matter how sweet, are always skeevy?
I thought that was a dead rat on the bed. Mini-heart attack here. No worries.
Posted by: Andrea | April 25, 2012 at 05:54 PM
Just at least pull down the bedspread! The genetic bouillabaisse that exists on those is horrifying!
Posted by: Terry | April 25, 2012 at 09:41 PM
Hello Siri. Or someone like.
Posted by: Jester Queen | April 26, 2012 at 07:56 AM
Haha yeah it looks like a dead bird, but I knew it had to be something that hummed. =)
Posted by: Marta | April 26, 2012 at 09:33 AM
hahahahahaha a dead bird vibrator could be the next big thing. We've all done rabbits and dolphins to death.
Posted by: Paxochka | April 30, 2012 at 10:55 PM
Hilarious. Seriously. You are hilarious.
Posted by: Maria | May 05, 2012 at 09:23 PM