You know how when you start dating someone, you're sort of reserving judgement based on previous heartaches and heartbreaks until you've spent a bit of time together and then somewhere around the third date you 're seized with panic at the realization that you ACTUALLY like them and are suddenly vulnerable?
You people know me. You know that all of this angst should be behind me. I'm happily married and rather than experience angst about saying "I like you," the words "I love you" roll out of my mouth and text out of my fingers several times a day.
And yet the other day I was SEIZED in panic from VULNERABILITY.
None of this came from my husband.
You see, I live in an affluent town where the men work and the women stay home. At social functions the men congregate and the women chat and I have nothing to offer to the discussion on the new Zumba instructot at the Y but some ARCHAIC rule keeps me from crossing the room and speaking the with the guys about work, the economic impact on business and networking at children's sporting events.
So, I don't have a lot of close friends in town.
(Note: this is not a comment on stay at home moms - they do an amazing job and I think that it is incredibly valuable work. I just live in a different day to day world.)
The other day I met someone at work that I really like. He's funny and smart and we totally gel. Every time he IMs me I literally laugh out loud.
I said to my husband, "It's like I'm dating someone for the first time. It's SO refreshing to meet someone wonderful that I feel totally insecure and think 'I hope he likes me too!'"
My husband, one of a handful of stay at home dads in town totally got where I was coming from.
"What's not to like?" he laughed.
Where I live, I have no IRL friends. I go from work (where I rarely have a chance to really talk with anyone about non-work topics) to home (where I become "dad" and "husband" and rarely have time to have non-dad/husband chats). The Internet is where I get to talk about things that interest me. I'd love to find some friends to just hang out with and talk to (especially on those days when I'm upset about something and need someone to talk in person to), but I have no clue where to meet such people. The whole concept of meeting new friends just reminds me of dating which dredges up a lot of bad memories.
I'll be honest. Those "I like X does X like me back" moments terrified me when I was dating. More often than not, the answer to "Does she like me back" was "Yes, but only as a friend." And those were the times when my brain didn't lock up in fear preventing me from finding out the answer. Interestingly enough, when I met my wife (online) there was none of that fear. Everything just felt natural and right with her.
Posted by: TechyDad | March 27, 2012 at 10:24 AM
I can totally relate to this. I am 47, single, no kids. That definitely puts me in the minority in many cases. I think it is harder to make friends as an adult, just as it is harder to date as an adult. I wish sometimes there was the adult equivalent of the note with the "Check Yeo or NO" boxes we used in grade school.
Congrats on your new friend!
Posted by: Margaret | March 27, 2012 at 11:12 AM
I agree with another comment, it is VERY hard to make new friends as an adult. I am struggling with that right now.
Posted by: Tracy@TheComfortZone | March 27, 2012 at 10:19 PM
Oh yeah. A colleague with a similar sense of humor is a GODSEND. Especially if your have a hectic time of it right now on the job!
Posted by: Jester Queen | March 28, 2012 at 09:28 AM
Congrats on the new work husband. My wife has one as well. He has been to the house even. Good guy and good family.
Posted by: TM | March 28, 2012 at 11:04 AM
I know exactly what you mean.
Posted by: Katie | March 28, 2012 at 03:36 PM
You know, I'm this personality on Twitter & the web . . . I'm very similar in person. Except when I first meet someone in real life. If I've "known you" online for any amount of time, I know you've made up some decision about me - who I am, what I'm like, etc. It's only during that very first "close enough to touch" (though I'm a hugger, so the "awkward moment as to whether or not a handshake or a wave or a bow would have been more appropriate than a hug") that I actually get really nervous about whether or not people like me.
But, then I think about me - how I've made my decisions about that person based on the online relationship, and physical appearance and/or the fact that the person is physically there means nothing by that point, so I get over it pretty easily.
But, yeah, I know what you mean. And, yes, your husband is right, what's not to like?
Posted by: John | March 30, 2012 at 01:45 PM