BloggingDangerously

I Don't Even Know What To Say...

I was going to write a post today about how sweet my second son is. 

Last week I went to Miami and when I came back I had brought him a Miami Dolphins football and when I gave it to him he was so touched that he threw his arms around me, got all teary and said, "Thank you mom."

I WAS going to tell you all about that.

But earlier today I received a new 32GB SD card for my video camera, and while I was moving the old movies off the old card I found this video...

  

I still think he's the sweetest little boy...

A little bit tapped, but totally sweet.

PS Please ignore the shambles that is my bathroom.  Try as I might I just can't seem to banish the little pirates...

Two Things That Made Me Proud Lately...

Last week the kids and I went to my brother's house.  My husband stayed home to watch football rake leaves.

I was in the kitchen trying not to burn cookies when my sister-in-law walked in and told me this story:

She and my brother had been arguing about something and my daughter had walked up to her and said, "You two fight a lot."

My sister-in-law told her, "All mommies and daddies fight." 

And then she asked my daughter, "Don't your mommy and daddy fight?"

My sister-in-law told me that my daughter had thought for a moment and then said, "No, not really."

-----

I asked my husband to replace the double outlet in our bathroom with a 4 outlet receptacle because I was tired of unplugging the toothbrush every time I had to dry my hair.

The wiring in our house is old and completely fucked up and some of the outlets in my office are downstream from the outlet in the master bathroom - even though the rooms are on opposite sides of the house.

My husband got halfway through the project and said, "I think we need to call an electrician."

I walked into the bathroom and sort of agreed with him.  The wires were too short, too stiff and completely unlabeled.  But then I remembered the engineering degree hanging on my (dark) office wall and decided that I could do it.

I ran to Lowe's, grabbed some supplies and systematically rewired the old outlet, the additional two outlets and the jumper to my office.  My husband dutifully turned the breaker on and off - with only a couple of jokes about how he would prefer my hair curly and "why did I need a Voltmeter, didn't I trust him?"

Finally, I had everything wired up and working and he offered to put it all back into the receptacle.  Apparently all of my connections were loose and came apart when he tried to push them back into the wall but he used those bulging biceps to recrimp everything and we now have 4 working outlets in our bathroom.

No electrician necessary!

 

Apparently Anal trumps Vaginal at my House...

Last week in Miami I had a couple of minutes to call home.  I called our home phone and it went directly to voice mail which is never a good sign.  We RARELY use our home phone so we have a very low budget Internet phone service that frequently goes offline.  Any voicemail is emailed to me so it's not a big deal. Except when I am 2000 miles from home and want to say goodnight to my children.

So I called my husband's phone and IT went straight to voicemail.  Which means that it was either off or not working.

We've both been having issues with our phones losing signal and going off the network for hours until we reset them so I knew what the problem was but I was still a momma cub faced with the prospect of not being able to call her babies and I was NOT HAPPY.

I called customer care for our phones and asked them to reset my husbands phone.  "If it's not on the network, we can't reset it." they told me helpfully and NOT HELPFULLY at the same time.

I asked that the ticket be kept open and went to dinner.

On Friday, they called me at home to see if the situation had resolved itself.  "So far." I told them, "but please keep the ticket open a little longer."

Today at 2:15 I had an itch that needed scratching.  I decided to call for delivery.

I picked up my phone and called my husband who was in the basement.  I had an entire erotic monologue ready to go - but he didn't answer.  It went straight to voicemail.

I ran down to the basement.

"You didn't answer your phone." I accused.

"It didn't ring." he answered.

"Let me see." I demanded.  NO BARS!!!

I took it back upstairs and called customer care.   They walked me through resetting the phone and resyncing it to iTunes - by which time my husband was nearly late to pick up my daughter from preschool.

So much for our quickie...

Later, I mentioned to him why I had tried to call him.

"WHAT!?!?!" he yelled.

"You were in the mood in the middle of the day AND you had time and you let the signal on the phone sidetrack you!!!" He was incredulous.

"What can I say?" I asked him. "You know how anal I am about stuff like that."

 

 

Doh! A Deer!

My husband grew up hunting deer with his father.  They owned property in northern Maine and they would go up every November.  Then my husband got to that point that all me do with their fathers when he realized that his father made a lot of rules that he, himself, didn't follow.

They argued vehemently enough about the hypocrisy that they decided it was probably not the best idea for them to be alone together with guns.

And now my husband doesn't hunt any more.

Or, rather, all he hunts are paper targets.

Which is ironic because we live in a town with a healthy deer population.

I think they must have found out about him too because they've started taunting him.

Last summer they ate his meticulously tended peppers and green beans down to the ground.

Last week there was a HUGE pile of deer scat right in front of our front steps and today there was a HUGE buck in our back yard just strolling around eating weeds.

(Because my husband doesn't tend our lawn as meticulously as he tends the garden.)

The funny thing is that the back yard is completely fenced - but the gate was open.

As my husband and I looked out at what he called, "The biggest deer he's ever seen." My husband said, "Now they're just fucking with me."

"What I want to know," I answered as the deer walked back into the woods and disappeared, "Is how he opened the gate."

Not Necessarily...

I've never been one for playing hard to get.

Obviously.

But, 22 years after losing my virginity and 10 years into my marriage, I'm turning over a new leaf.

Saturday night is date night at my house - when the husband and I agree that instead of retreating to our separate domains - his the tv, mine the computer - we will spend the evening together.  Sometimes we play cards, or games or watch a movie, whatever, but the point is that we have at least 3 uninterrupted hours of "we time," which doesn't happen unless we're pretty strict about it.

Now the "rules" state that I can't just bring my computer to the livingroom, and he is prohibited from doing something that irritates me (but that I can't reveal.)

This Saturday night I went downstairs to find out that he had done said thing.

I immediately went back up to my office.  I was VERY irritated.

The truth was that I had been looking forward to a nice date but didn't want to carryon as if what he had done was no big deal to  me because it would happen again.

I worked in my office for a couple of hours and he came up.  He had already told me that he was feeling VERY AMOROUS! (not his word.)

He came into my office.

"Hey." he said.

"Yep." I said.

"Are you coming to bed?" he asked.

"In a bit." I said.

"Come on." he asked.

"I'm IRRITATED." I told him.  "Did you agree or not?"

"Yes." he said.

Then he added, "I know you're mad but can you tell me if you feel a lump right here? And he held out his arm.

I reached out before I realized what he was doing.  You see, he's been working out A LOT lately and the "lump" was his bulging bicep.  The bulging bicep that had succeeded in seducing me the night before.

"Fine." I said, "I'll come to bed.  But I'm not necessarily having sex with you."

"What?" he said.

"I said I'm NOT having sex with you." I told him.

"That's not what you said." he argued.

"Fine, I said I'm not necessarily having sex with you."

He laughed, "But you took out the necessarily because you didn't want to give me hope?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Too late!" he laughed harder.

"I'm not having sex with you." I told him as we got ready for bed.

We climbed into bed.  I rolled away.  He rolled toward me.

"Goodnight," I called over my shoulder. 

He started rubbing my back.

"OH, that feels good." I said.

He proceeded to rub my back and my hip for FIFTEEN minutes.

Let me tell you, normally when I ask for a backrub I get about 15 seconds.

Of course, I eventually gave in because he had worked so hard and OBVIOUSLY.

Afterwards I asked him, "When did you know you had a chance."

"When you came to bed." he told me.

"Really?" I said.  "Because I knew when I said 'necessarily.'"

And he laughed.