Hold On To It

Earlier this week I was reading the blog of a woman I only know online and she made reference, in passing, to the fact that she and her husband had recently separated.

And it floored me.

Honestly people, there's this woman I barely know, half a world away and the fact that she and her husband are living in separate houses knocked the wind out of me.

Because when I tell you that I HARDLY know her, it's completely true.  BUT if you'd asked me to tell you three things about her, #1 would have been that she's completely in love with her husband.

So what the hell happened?

The truth is that I don't know and even if I did, it isn't my place to say but it made me think and it made me want to remind you that if you're in love, don't take it for granted.

Don't treat it like something that will always be there so you don't have to appreciate it or thank it or take time to tend to it.

Because last week in Cincinnati I felt lonely, and it had been SO LONG since I'd felt that way that I was like, "What the hell is this misery?"

And then I remembered, "Oh, it's Lonliness, that shitty roommate I had for ALL OF MY 20s.  Piss off."

And then I flew home and my husband met me in the driveway to carry my suitcase in - even though it was practically empty and weighed almost nothing.

And so tonight, as twenty hours of training classes sat waiting for me on my computer, I completely ignored it because he wanted to tell me about his day.

Which was not a big deal.

And is completely my point.

Take the time to love each other and to show each other that you care.  Remember that you're on the same team and never let go of that because once you do, it's hard to get back.

I love you husband.

Love,

Kit

Comments

[J]

Beautiful.

[Carrie]

This post makes me happy. I divorced 18 months ago. I was married for 19 years, with my husband for 21, had 4 beautiful amazing children with him, and was completely totally miserable the entire time. I knew within a few months of dating him that things were not as they should be, but I didn't want to hurt him by breaking up with him.

Our home was full and busy and chaotic, and there was absolutely no underlying serenity, no happiness. My children all at many different times told me to just leave their dad because we would all be happier. When I did get the courage to ask for a divorce, people were stunned. Everyone thought that we were so happy. I can only assume it is because we were never seen together in public, he is a hunter and missed all of our children's events, even family Xmas eve celebrations in order to go hunting. People offered condolences,I wanted a party. So did my kids. Its amazing how you can be lonely in a small house with 6 people.

A bit over a year later, we are all so darned happy. I'm in a healthy relationship with a man I adore, but may never actually marry. My kids are confident and secure. Our home is chaotic with 4 kids, 2 dogs, 4 inside kitties, and numerous stray teenagers who find their way home with my eldest children. But it is a serene place. My children adore my boyfriend. The youngest two have a good relationship with their father. The older two will get there, but aren't there just yet.

You are exactly right, if you have love, hold on to it and don't screw it up. If you don't have real true love, then move on because anything less isn't worth keeping.

[Don]

Suburban Bliss? If so, I was shocked as well.

[Coffee Lovin' Mom]

Thank you for this - I think my husband should read your blog..

[MsShona]

Wow, you got to the core of the matter when it comes to love and relationships. Kudos!

[Happy]

I was just thinking about this but you said it much better than I, not taking family and the people we love for granted and putting in the effort to work on our relationships. I think I need to go do something nice for the husband now!

[TechyDad]

Wait, you had loneliness as a roommate too? Here, I thought loneliness was my roommate. That two-timer!

I remember hating Valentine's Day because of all of the reminders of how many people had someone except for me. Many nights of silent tears. However, if I could travel to the past and do it all over again, I would do it exactly the same for only 1 reason: Fear of changing history and not meeting my beautiful wife and having my two wonderful kids. (Ok, that's 3 reasons.)

[minkprisoner]

Lovely, bittersweet post. So true. I can't believe loneliness is my constant background companion now I am in my mid30s, twas never thus.

I have hope though.

[powerpuffgirll]

WOW< THANK YOU, i have been feeling soooo out of touch with my life and my husband for a long time now, we have had some major issues for well over a year, and most of them my issues, i have been married to my husband for 20 yrs, w ehave been together off and on since i was 12, so i always kne he was THE ONE, but i have been battleing depression and a mid life crissis, i mean im only 43 i should nt feel like my life is over, and you hit the nail on the head, i think we have been taking hat we have for granted, and have just become complacent with each other, like oh weel were not going anywhere so why try, thank you for giving me something to start with to make a change.

[powerpuffgirll]

PS) i wish i had known you ere in cincy, i would have loved to meet you, i live there.

[Aubrey Anne]

Almost cried. Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm completely in love with my husband, too. But we're headed in that direction as well, despite the love we have. Sometimes there are just too many other factors.

But if you've got it... hold on like hell and appreciate every moment of it.

[alaina]

life is short. it's a fact. dont be afraid to declare your love. ever.

[Christine Nolfi]

Perfect post to bring in the holiday season. Thank you.

[John]

Beautiful, Kit.

The other thing that I'd add to this, though, is, if there is love, it's worth it . . . whatever "it" is.

[Gwendolyn Francis (@pullmyfunnybone)]

Really touching and beautifully written! It is funny how you can develop these connections with people you've never met who live thousands of miles away, yet the connection and care are there.

Sounds like we both have the same roommate, loneliness. That's a tough one! The rel. I was in ended in August so my roommate has been the roommate from hell lately. I just try and remind myself that I have A LOT of love in my life and have more close friends than I can handle. And hopefully that special guy will show up in my life who can love the deep, sensitive me as well as the me who occasionally shits on someone's front lawn. :-)

I raise a glass to your post Miss Wine Party. :-)

[Wicked]

I once read - Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do! It's the way you love your partner every day!
It makes me remember to keep working every time I feel l can just let it slide. We all feel that way sometimes but if you aren't careful, one day becomes two, etc...

[Alfredliveshere]

Very well said, thanks for posting this! I am gonna go hug my husband... and bite my tongue when I see his underwear and socks all over the floor...

[Account Deleted]

Lovely.

[Kasha the FarmGirl]

Just goes to show no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and we are good at faking happy marriages as well as orgasms.

Yes, be grateful and demonstrative, even if just in private. Love is grand!

[Ken]

How did someone so young become so knowing? So well said!

[Paxochka]

I love you, Kit.