Last night my daughter excused herself from the dinner table, walked down the hall to the bathroom and dropped an atomic bomb.
At least that's how the survivors - her siblings - described it when they came out gasping.
They? you ask.
Oh, yes. You see, her brother went into the bathroom after she came out and then ran out announcing the devastation with his dying breath.
My other two children, sensible as they are, immediately ran in to take a sniff.
The offending child happened to be sharing my chair. She looked up at me and said proudly, "It was REALLY awful!"
And then she farted and - I'm not saying I'm proud of this - but I may have shoved my baby daughter out of the way and yelled, "Save yourself!"
For the next five minutes the other three children ran in and out of the bathroom sniffing, screaming, running out gasping and pretending to die, recovering and then repeating the scene all over again.
It only ended when we threatened to take away dessert if they didn't start acting like human children and not animals obsessed with the smell of other animal's behinds.
My poor daughter, not only was she gifted with a difficult stomach that requires a laxative that I'm pretty sure is made from petroleum, she also got my husband's ass, apparently.
Hopefully she can learn to control it by the time she starts dating.
Or at least decides to use her powers for good instead of evil...
Hilariousss!!
Posted by: Emily | December 01, 2011 at 02:29 PM
Oh. My. God. This is totally my entire family. Not just immediate. But extended. OhmyGod. Seriously. We all have this same problem. I have to blush and say, unfortunately, I share this with them as well. It is the American way, after all.
Posted by: Sarah | December 01, 2011 at 05:03 PM
Milk and cheese can cause chronic constipation for some folks. Try switching her to soy or almond milk (and just abstain from cheese) for a few days. You should be able to confirm whether or not milk is the culprit within a week.
Posted by: Don Crowder AKA @eldergeek | December 01, 2011 at 08:31 PM
Just a couple of days ago my daughter (7) spent ten minutes obsessed with sticking her face against the panted behind of her 6-year-old brother to get a good whiff of the toots. Srly.
Posted by: EJ | December 02, 2011 at 07:07 AM
Sounds like a day in my house. Constantly telling the kids to take those kinds of bathroom breaks upstairs and further away from our noses :)
Posted by: Denise | December 02, 2011 at 09:09 AM
Too Funny!! I can totally see this! I can just imagine the hoopla! I'm in tears here; laughing so hard!
Kourtney
Posted by: Kourtney | December 02, 2011 at 01:51 PM
My grand daughter passed gas yesterday, and uttered "Wow! That was a good fart." Seriously. I died laughing.
Posted by: Gramma of 7 plus 1 | December 02, 2011 at 05:09 PM
I very nearly just spit beer all over my computer. Thank you for that. I needed a good laugh.
Posted by: thorn | December 28, 2011 at 07:26 PM