Ten Things That Made Me Laugh Lately

It's been a hysterical week...

1) My 4yo daughter was doing one of those electronic puzzles where you have to answer a question to reveal the picture on the other side of the puzzle piece.  She got halfway thru the puzzle and guessed, "M&Ms under there?"

When she was done, the puzzle was, in fact, a bunch of M&Ms.  She proclaimed, "I stand correctly!"

2) The other day my 7yo went to a party and got his face painted to look like Abraham Lincoln.  (Beard, warts, etc.)  My 8yo history buff walked up to him, raised his "gun" (index finger outstretched, thumb in the air, fingers curled) and yelled, "SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS" which is what John Wilkes Booth yelled before shooting Abraham Lincoln.  But WHO FUCKING KNOWS THAT?

3) My 8yo SORT OF collects those NFL stickers that come in the paper every week - at least he did last year.  Then he made my other son put them in the sticker book for him.  This week I pulled the stickers out of the paper and asked my daughter to give them to my 7yo.  She looked at me, "You mean the 8yo?"  My husband said, "She SAID the 7yo."  So my daughter shrugged and gave them to the 7yo in the other room.  All of a sudden I heard the 8yo yell, "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

4) We went apple picking on Sunday.  We go every year with my friend and her family.  She has a 2 year old.  He loves to be tickled.  I love tickling.  When I walked in he was being shy.  I said, "You really won't say hi to me?  Do I need to turn you upside down, shake you, drop you on your head and tickle you?"

His face lit up, "YES!" he said.

And so I did.

5) This next one is not so much a funny, funny, ha, ha laugh as much as it is an, "OMG, What the fuck is wrong with you? laugh."

We keep a small container in the kids bathroom that we use to rinse the soap out of the girls' hair when they take a bath.  Tonight my husband noticed that it had "water" in it - but when he looked more closely he realized that it wasn't water.  My son had peed in it when he was in the shower and left it on the edge of the tub.

BOYS.

6) Last month we went to a neighborhood party.  During the party my son and his friends decided to play ding-dong ditch.  The problem?  They rang the doorbell of the SAME HOUSE 6 times.  Worse?  My son went last.  By the time he approached the door, the 80 year old woman who lived there was waiting for him.  He never even knocked.  As soon as he got to the front steps, she whipped open the door and screamed.  My son, 7, screamed back.  After she scared the shit out of him she invited him in to have a look around.  He went.  It sounds creepier than it actually was (I think.)

Yesterday, my family went for a walk around the block.  As we approached the old woman's house my 8yo son turned to my younger son and said, "I'm going to go dingdong ditch Grandma!"

We all burst out laughing that he called her grandma.

 7) My 6yo daughter walked into the kitchen about an hour before my son's friends came over for "book club."  "I'm going to take a shower." she said. 

"Why are you showering now?" My husband asked her.  "You always shower before bed."

"If I shower now, I won't have to do it later." she told him.  Then she looked at me and winked so that he couldn't see.

"Wait until later." he asked her.  She walked up to him and kissed him on the nose.  "I'll be down in a few minutes."

He turned to me, "She's just fucking with me, isn't she?"

"Well," I said.  "She MAY be fucking with you.  Or she may just be sweet.  You can choose to believe whichever one you want but I choose to believe that she is just being sweet."

She walked back into the room, held up a pair of skinny jeans she just got as a pair of hand-me-downs that have silver sequin peace signs on the butt and said, "Do these look ok?"

Then she walked out before we could answer.

My husband looked at me.

"Ok" I said, "NOW she is TOTALLY fucking with you."

8. This weekend, when my 6yo daughter would catch my husband and I hugging or kissing she would yell, "LOVE HAWK!" 

9. I watched Rio with the kids last night for the second time.  It was fine but it was REALLY fun to watch my 7yo son sing and dance samba all day today!

10. We went to a Halloween block party today, there was a magician there who was pretty good.

Try this at home:

Spell MOP

Spell TOP

Spell HOP

Answer this: What do you do at a green light?

Did you say STOP?

Gotcha!

The kids loved it.

Comments

[Goodenoughfornow.wordpress.com]

When I find M&Ms I stand incorrectly -- leaning over them and shoveling them into my mouth gives me a Quasimoto hunchback.

Also your 8yo's diction reminds me a little of Manny on Modern Family.

[Tina]

ha...did the joke on a co-worker..almost peed by pants

[JyllianM]

These were wonderful!"I stand correctly!" is precious.
So is Sic Semper Tyrannus--how cool is that?

[John]

I knew the Sic Sempter Tyrannus, but I have a thing for assassinations (and serial killers, but I'm really weird). How does a pre-teen know that, though? I'm crediting a very, very good teacher.

I'm going to incorporate "I stand correctly" into my regular speech.

There are few things that beat tickling a toddler who loves to be tickled.

[Kim Pugliano]

Fuck you.
I said stop.