The Crazy In My Head: What I Don't Have

I won an iPad.  It's fabulous but it doesn't have 3G and my beach house doesn't have wifi.

Is that the most fucked up, selfish sentence you've ever read?

Because I was sitting at the beach house (it's not technically mine but I have access to it) on Friday - with my laptop (and aircard) and iPhone (with 3G) thinking, "Wow, it's sure sucks that my new (FREE) iPad doesn't have internet."

And because it was SUCH a RIDICULOUSLY ABSURD complaint I realized that I often focus on what I don't have instead of on what I do have.  And I'm SO incredibly lucky that I REALLY need to stop that.

Because sometimes it makes me miserable.

Sometimes I think about my brother and how much money he has and how he can afford great things.

But I don't think about the fact that he works from 7am to 7pm every day.

Or I think about how my boss lives in a HUGE house.

But I don't think about the fact that he lives in a town that I have chosen not to live in.

Or I think about how my friend goes to the Cape for the summer.

But I don't think about the fact that her "Cape house" is her parents house and she is living with them FULL TIME.

Or I think about how my neighbor always seems SO relaxed and carefree.

But I don't think about the fact that her 9 year old daughter has diabetes.

It's so easy to focus on what we don't have.  Or on what other people DO have. 

I know that I would be happier if I focused on what I DO have and remembered that those other people have burdens I would not want to take on - not for all of the riches they appear to have.

So today, can you please leave me a comment telling me 5 things that you are thankful for?

(I was going to ask you to leave 1 thing but let's really count all our riches, shall we?)

I will choose 1 comment and donate $25 to the charity of the commenters choice so that we can share some of our good fortune with others.

I'll start.

I am thankful for:

My family
My happy marriage
My job
Having enough food
Having time to spend with my children

Comments

[CaryMc]

A lovely post and a good reminder.

1. Good health
2. A happy child
3. Money in the bank
4. Food on the table.
5. People who love me in spite of myself.

[Lisahgolden]

You're right about how it's easy to focus on the things that drag us down instead of build us up.

I'm grateful for:
1. My healthy family
2. My husband's job which sustains us financially
3. The ability to keep my sense of humor in trying economic times
4. Friends
5. Litter trained cats because one of them is sketchy about it which serves to give me perspective.

[Shaina]

I have a job that i adore and can't wait to get to every day, a mostly awesome and supportive family, enough money to be comfortable, lots of friends, and overall a pretty easy life when compared to a lot of people. I try not to forget these things or take them for granted...when i got home from teaching in Ukraine for a week in HS i stood and looked at our full pantry and realized that the kids i met over there would never see so much food in one house, probably ever. They only got hot meals at school. They had to ride on an unheated bus for up to an hour to GET to school. Etc. Really put my life into perspective, you know?

[@Micrathene]

1. Being employed
2. Good health
3. Health insurance (for when #2 occasionally falters)
4. My kittehs <3
5. Rechargeable AA batteries >.>

[Kristina]

Excellent perspective. I'm thankful for a lot of things, too!

1. All the various loves in my life, especially the main one
2. The good fortune to have found a fun career
3. The freedom to explore my whims (even blogging)
4. A nice place to stay and good food to eat
5. Severance

[Peg]

Great reminder. I'm thankful for:
My incredible husband
The health of my family
My life full of travel
The sound of the Brazilian beach outside my window
The love of my friends

[Lisamarie1320]

I DO have:
A supportive, loving (messed up!) family
A new man who loves me more than I've ever been loved (feeling is reciprocated - I'm mad about him!)
A job running a pre-school that is rewarding, fun, sad, annoying ...!!
A roof over my head, no thanks to my ex!
A great group of people on Twitter who have supported be through some very bad times, even tough the majority wouldn't know me if they bumped into me in the street!

[@dorothygail]

1. Children that I love all of the time and like most of the time (I hope the feeling is mutual)
2. Ditto the husband who is more supportive of me than I feel I deserve.
3. Family
4. Friendships that have lasted impossibly long times.
5. A newly awakening sense of spirituality that has been missing for a long time.

Thank you Kit for reminding me to be grateful for what I have, although Kansas in August still sucks, and i am still jealous of both the ipad and the beach house ;)

[Louise]

You know, I was getting all geared up to be stressed out in the way that only Mondays can stress me out... and then your post showed up in my RSS feed. Thank you for the perspective.

1. My boys. They're all different species but they're all mine and I couldn't do it without their love.

2. My education. I am so lucky to live in this time & place, that I can pursue a higher education regardless of gender or wealth.

3. Dark chocolate.

4. Our health. We aren't perfectly healthy but we get by -- and since we don't have insurance but don't qualify for help, THAT is really important & I'm so thankful.

5. Books.

[Christina McPants]

1. My lovely wife
2. That I live and work in a place where I can say "my wife" without fear of being told I'm going to hell or losing my job
3. That after a year and a half of layoffs and fruitless searches, we're both employed again (because even if neither of us are thrilled with our jobs, we have two incomes again)
4. A wonderful support network of friends and family
5. Iced coffee with half & half and vanilla syrup

[TechyDad]

I completely understand your feelings. I often wish that I could afford more. More tech products (how unfair is it that "Techy Dad" doesn't have an iPad!), a bigger house or other luxuries that I see other people with.

Still I'm thankful for:

1. My wife.
2. My two boys. (I could list them separately, but then the list would go beyond 5)
3. My extended family (my parents, my wife's parents, etc.)
4. Having a job and a house.
5. Our upcoming Disney World vacation celebrating our 10th anniversary. My wife and I are going while my parents watch the boys. 5 whole days in Disney World with my wife and no kids!

Of course, I'm thankful for a whole lot more than just this, but this is the short list. (After the Disney trip is over, spot #5 will be filled with My Online Friends. Sorry folks, but a 5 day trip with just my wife and me trumps online friends. ;-) )

[Louise]

1) Improving health
2) Wonderful husband
3) Two sweet dogs
4) My parents, brother, and sister
5) Tomatoes fresh from the garden

[Nicole H]

What a great post and a great reminder. :)

1. My faith
2. My health. I have a chronic pain disease (fibromyalgia and thyroiditis) but it would be MUCH worse, and for that, I am truly thankful.
3. My amazing two year old daughter.
4. My awesome, supportive, loving husband.
5. Food in our fridge and a roof over our heads. We are blessed.

[Angie S]

1) My amazing husband
2) My healthy, energetic, happy 2 year old son
3) Having a good job and a roof over my head
4) Family that loves and cares about us
5) Being able to comfortably support my family

[Mkpheartsnyc]

1. My sobriety
2. The dream grad school I applied to and will start attending in 2 weeks
3. My roommate's puppy who just turned 1
4. The past year in a job with friends I love that means freelancing security while I'm in school.
5. My loving parents and my staunchly feminist little brother.

Thanks for the gratitude check :)

[Sarah B]

I am a regular reader but don't think I've ever commented. This is exactly what I needed this morning, though, especially as I was just complaining about something that was unnecessary.
1. My husband. Although I've seen him twice in the two months we've been married, I have to remember that we have a lot of years to spend together and I don't need EVERYTHING right. Now.
2. My mom..she's my rock.
3. A beautiful home that we're building. Again, I want it done right now but I have to remember that we'll have plenty of time.
4. My job. Most days I hate it, but I need to be thankful that I have a job to hate.
5. Friends...my friends are few but they are steady.

[Vicki]

My 6 year old's favorite quote is "You get what you get & you don't get upset"

1) The health of my beautiful children
2) My wonderful family
3) My fabulous network of friends
4) The very fact that I was born & live in such an amazing country free of tyranny, with clean water, free public schools, amazing hospitals & have the ability to believe in the reglion of my choice.
5) The very fact that I can stand up, hug my children, & run to the grocery store without pain. Good Health is ALWAYS something to be thankful for every single day!

[Sickerthnothers]

1) jailbroken iphone with mywi so that I can tether my wifi ipad!
2) close proximity to strong family ties
3) steady employment in the house
4) remission from RA
5) land ownership

[Kristen]

I am thankful for:
1. My job. I have found a job that lets me be creative and push myself intellectually.
2. My roommate. While I would love to live alone, it is nice to have someone help out with bills and care whether or not I had a long day at work.
3. My bike. It was stolen earlier this year, and I had to remind myself that it probably went to a kid who just needed a way to get around all summer and couldn't afford one himself. Now I have a shiny new one, which I wouldn't have bought had my other one not gotten stolen.
4. My family. They are the most generous, supportive people on Earth.
5. Baseball games. Yes, it may seem frivolous, but to me, I love seeing families bond at a game - dad's teaching their kids how to keep score and how to understand what pitch is what. There is so much love at a game, if you have trained your eyes to see it.

[Cat]

1)my parents at 88, still doing alright
2)my daughter, who turned out so well-considering what we went thru with her as a teenager
3)my husband and son who love baseball and tolerate my indifferance
4)a flexible job
5)decent insurance-proved by tornado

[jwohlenberg]

Love this!
1 - That my 7th grader so thoroughly embraces the adventure that is Junior High. I was petrified at this stage of life, so I am in awe of how much she loves it, and am so grateful for it.
2 - That for the first time in my life, I feel physically fit. I've been up and down the scale before, but never involved exercise, and now that I do exercise regularly, I realize how empowering it is.
3 - That I found a way to participate in my daughter's sport without being in her way or being a "stage mom." She and I both get so much more out of it now.
4 - That my other daughters are getting the help they need, and hopefully they will have the skills they need to help them face adulthood.
5 - That it's almost pumpkin spice time. Come on, pumpkin spice! I've been waiting for you for soooo long!

[ObviousInsight]

1. Being able to adopt 3 wonderful children
2. My foster child (who is my children's bio sibling)
3. Being able to stay home with my children and share in their everyday while my husband supports us all
4. Have a sensibly nice home with electricity & running water
5. Great friends and family to share my burdens

[Sarah]

1) my home is my dream home
2) my job is my dream job
3) the friends that adore me as I am. Well mostly :)
4) Good health for those that I care for.
5) Really, I have most everything I need and want in life. I have come through a storm and survived and am better for it. And for that, I am most grateful.

[Domesticated Gal]

1. Being utterly and completely loved for who I am by someone I completely and utterly love, respect, and poke fun at constantly.
2. Being fired so I was forced to find the ability to stay at home full time and watch the Little Miss learn how to smile as the Little Man learns how to give her a hug without crushing her even a tiny bit.
3. That the Big Man and I are able to begin what is probably the biggest, scariest professional venture of our lives. Together.
4. That the Little Man ended his 5day hunger strike finally...and the day before we have a check up with our doctor scheduled for him!
5. That I lucked out with (most) of my family, and have been smart enough to keep the friendships with those who might as well be family.

[Brian]

Thank you for this...really helped.

1. My wife, the single most incredible woman in the world, BAR NONE!
2. My kids
3. Kim's Academy of Tae Kwon Do for keeping me humble and reminding me I am not superman.
4. My guitar and amp and the power to run them and house to put them in and the ability to move my hands and arms to make some semblance of music.
5. The ability to choose to get up at 4:45 am and exercise.

[Tetisheri1972]

This is just such a great idea. I do the same thing myself when I get down, and my crazy gets out of control, and I'm just negative.

5 things I'm grateful for today:
1. My wonderful husband and son
2. Modern medicine
3. The beautiful weather outside
4. School starts on 9/1
5. We have enough money to take care of our basic needs and get some fun extras.

[Roxanne]

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful. I tend to forget. A lot.

--My son is happy and healthy and the greatest part of my life.
--My best friend & every single thing she has done for me during the most difficult time in my life.
--My dad bought a condo in the city I live in so I could pay rent to him. Much cheaper rent than smaller apartments in the same area.
--Living in a society that does not condemn me for getting a divorce, so I was not forced to stay in a marriage I was unhappy in.
--The ability to see a light at the end of the tunnel, even as I am in the depths of my depression.

[Shay]

1 - A very happy marriage
2 - My supportive family
3 - Our house that is becoming our "home"
4 - My job, that I {usually} LOVE
5 - The fact that we have enough money to live a life we fully enjoy and still be able to save

[Sarah]

Just the reminder I needed to hear!

1.) Caring husband
2.) Kind friends, new and old
3.) Finally launching the kind of career I've always wanted
4.) Creativity and the ability to write
5.) Good food and good people to share it with

[Brooke]

1. A healthy, active, happy son.
2. My job (even though I don't like my job...at least I have one)
3. My family and friends!
4. The roof over my head (that belongs to me).
5. The small-town life I live (there are some things that are to be desired, but overall it is pretty nice.)

[Clara]

1. A safe and beautiful neighborhood to explore while I walk each day.
2. Good running shoes that I could afford to buy to support my new healthy habit.
3. Readily available fresh fruits and veggies (hooray for summer!)
4. Family that lives nearby and friends that live all over the world.
5. Leftover Chinese food.

[mrs.d]

1. My wonderful amazing husband
2. My family
3. My gorgeous neices and nephew
4. My puppy
5. That both my husband and I have jobs - and I'm able to work part-time (most of the time)

[Kristen]

1. A wonderful husband
2. Good health
3. My dog
4. Good wine
5. Jobs that allow us to not only afford the necessities, but also to enjoy a lot of the "extras" in life

[Jamie]

1. That for every disappointment or heartache life throws at me, there is always some form of redemption. I just need to patiently wait for it.
2. That my successful, responsible husband of 28 years is still wild and crazy enough to do things like bungee jumping.
3. That my 16-year-old daughter chooses (usually) to be witty and make us laugh, rather than being moody, scathing and sarcastic.
4. That in our 50s, our lives seem to be ever-evolving, with new experiences and adventures around every corner.
5. That I no longer live in Belgium.

[Elle]

Thank you, I needed this today, as I've been focusing all my wishing and hoping on something I do NOT have but want very, very badly. So here goes.

1. The health and safety of my family.
2. A happy marriage to a man I love more every day.
3. Loyal, thoughtful, fun friends who make me laugh.
4. Freedom -- to learn and grow and say and speak my mind.
5. My sister and the baby she is carrying that will make me an aunt in about a month.

[Ellenberry]

1. My wonderful, funny and sometimes zany husband.
2. Two wonderful teenagers who are grounded, excel in school and considers each other a good friend.
3. A job that I love.
4. A dream home that we ave built ourselves.
5. An amazing extended family that is large, loud and a joy to be a part of.

[Michelle P.]

Don't we all need to be reminded of the good in our lives from time to time!

1. My husband... he truly wants me to be happy and is supportive and giving.
2. My kiddos... they are both teenagers, so very trying at times, but they're both good kids & I'm proud of them.
3. My extended family... my mom, aunt & sister are special people and I'm lucky to have them.
4. My girlfriends... I have 6 best friends and I don't know what I would do without them.
5. Health... my family and myself are basically pretty healthy people and I don't take it for granted!

[Jane M]

OMG - I am always walking my dog and looking at my neighbors homes thinking their life is just so much easier than mine - yep that's me. OK here are my 5 things.
1. That I have the most loving husband who has been through more than is humanly possible for 1 person.

2. I have 2 wonderful children - 1 who recently graduated from college and 2 weeks later got a job in the field she studied in the city she wanted to live in - I have a son who volunteers at our town's Rescue Squad and helps others all the time without being paid.!

3. I have a job/company - with my husband AND we work from home! WOOT WOOT!

4. I have a wonderful all fixed up home that I wouldn't trade for the world.

5. I have a wonderful immediate family who always have my back!

[Julie]

1. A wonderful husband that is my favorite person to be with.

2. A strong, healthy body.

3. The opportunity to work from home and figure out what it is I really want to be when I grown up (if I ever do!)

4. A few good friends that I can tell anything.

5. 3 sweet kitties and the best dog that you could ever ask for :)

[Nromiglio]

1. Love from and for family & friends
2. Health
3. The opportunity and support to follow my dreams, wherever they may lead me.
4. Food on the table, a bed to sleep in, and a roof over my head.
5. A supportive community, which has been rocked by tragedy twice this week. I'm amazed at the support of the townspeople that are rallying around the victims' families.

[carol anne]

1. My amazing strong husband who has held my hand every step of the way this year and always.

2. My family who have been with us every step of the way this last year and always.

3. Friends who ran toward me when I got sick.

4. My two kitties who taught me about a whole other aspect of love. 3 years ago I had no idea you could love 2 little balls of fur just so much.

5. Amazing doctors and nurses who've cared for me and who have my best interests at heart.

[MajorBedhead]

1. That I have a job I really enjoy, working with people who are genuinely nice and smart and fun and good at what they do.
2. That I have a lovely, if messy, apartment, with no crack dealers & no cockroaches.
3. That I live a 3 minute drive from my sister and my best friends and can see them whenever I want.
4. That my 16 year old daughter is kind and nice and likes to hang out with me.
5. That I'm divorced and really pretty content with that, as odd as that may sound.

[M Pony]

This week I am attending two funerals. It tends to focus the mind on what is important.
1) Today I am healthy in mind and body.
2) I live in a home, not just a dwelling.
3) I have the good fortune and wit to find the world endlessly fascinating. Every day of my life is a mini adventure because I don't live in fear, or hand to mouth, and can expend energy on the frivolous and selfish.
4) If everything in my life went wrong there are at least five people who would take me in, regardless of the inconvenience to themselves.
5) The people in my life are so wonderfully imperfectly inspiring that it hurts like hell when they leave.

[Jes]

I'm thankful for:

1. My parents TEACHING me the importance of following my dreams and giving me the freedom to do so.
2. My partner who massages my feet.
3. My friends, wherever they are around the world.
4. My biweekly paycheck.
5.My partner who actually does more than massage my feet.

[chuck]

1 - I am thankful for my wife of 40 years, and that we are having the best, ahem, well, intimacy of our marriage life.

2 - I am thankful for the four adult children that we have raised.

3 - I am thankful that not one of them went through the proverbial "troubled teen" phase.

4 - I am thankful for the 33 years I spent as a school librarian, working with so many great kids and teachers.

5 - I am thankful for the faith that has been bestowed upon/within me. Thank you, Lord.

[Jessi J.]

5) Coming out the other side of Luekemia (AML)

4) Having extended family ready to help at a call

3) Two healthy children

2) My loving and supportive husband

1) For a God that hears our prayers and cares!

[Emily]

It's our first full week of school, and I'm a teacher. With that in mind, I am thankful for:
1. A job that I absolutely, positively love (even though others cringe when I tell what I do.
2. Parents who subconsciously taught us to value education without making us hate it.
3. Books.
4. That I work with so many encouraging and thought provoking teachers.
5. The challenges of a new school year - knowing that they will make me a better teacher.

[Dana K]

I am thankful for my husband's job in the Navy, it pays our bills and provides health insurance that was a GOD SEND when our son was born with a disorder.

I'm thankful that we live near an excellent children's hospital.

I'm thankful we moved back to the East Coast, near family, before starting our family.

I'm thankful that I have some of the most true, honest, and loyal friends a person could ask for.

I'm thankful for the lessons I learned in my (not so great) childhood. They've helped me become who I am today.

[Juli]

1) My family's health
2) My job
3) My beagle
4) Friends
5) Fall :)

[Wendy]

I just wrote this really long comment and my computer ate it. patooey.

This post is timely and relates strongly to some thoughts I had this weekend.

Backstory: My family has had some issues. My only sibling is a year older than me. About 10 years ago he had a sex change operation and is now my sister. At that time, she decided that being connected with my family wasn't a good choice and found a support system that fit her needs better than what we were able to provide. She and I haven't spoken since 1998. I miss that relationship and am so envious of others who have strong bonds with their siblings.

Fast Forward: My boyfriend's sister is a meth addict. She is back in jail again, arrested on friday, for trafficking stolen goods and breaking and entering and a whole list of other things that are just not good. Her mugshot shows a picture like the ones they use in Drug Talks about why kids shouldn't use drugs. She looks strung out, skin and bones, open sores on her face and neck... she looks like death walking.

And I had a sort of epiphany.

My sister may not be speaking to me, but she is happy. And healthy. and smart. And working on her internship is pediatrics with John's Hopkins. She has found a place for herself in life and is whole. I may not have a relationship with her, but I don't worry that she will die or about what harm she is doing to herself. My mom doesn't live in fear that she'll get a call that they've found her body in some hellhole somewhere having over-dosed or something.

So what I DO have is a happy sibling, living her life. And I am grateful for it.