Sex Homework: The Baseball Edition

I'm taking the kids to Fenway park this weekend. 

Oh, the Red Sox aren't in town - in case you were wondering.  I could NEVER afford 6 tickets to a RED SOX game + food and parking.  It would be about ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

We're going to see a AAA league double header.  It should be really fun. 

But enough about baseball.

Let's talk about BASEBALL.

I just looked at the calendar and realized that summer is almost over in New England.  You may have heard my screams at your house.  Yes you, Kailan.

How does life pass by so quickly.  It was YESTERDAY that I was sitting on the beach thinking, "THANK GOD it's Memorial Day - we have the WHOLE summer ahead of us!"

But that's life.

Even in bed.

So this weekend's homework is to slow it down.  Go OLD SCHOOL back to GRADE school when making out was referred to as "First base" and the girls who went to "Second base?"

SLUTS.

Yeah, I'm looking at you with the bleached hair and the tattoo.

Oh crap, that's a mirror.

ANYWAY, this weekend I want you to take your time rounding the bases.

FIRST BASE: Take it slow with long, passionate kisses.

SECOND BASE: Give him a minute, let him fumble.  I sometimes rush through this step to get to the "good stuff" but the truth is that this is one of my FAVORITES.  Enjoy it. 

THIRD BASE: I'm talking HEAVY PETTING.  You can relocate to the back seat of his dad's Chevy if it makes you feel more comfortable.  Remember how much fun this could be when it was as far as you'd go?

And then there's Three and a Half.  Oh, I know that you're not supposed to lead off third but there's really no other euphemism for oral is there?  Go ahead.  Enjoy it.

Now, STOP RIGHT THERE...

Before we go any further, Do you love me?  Will you love me forever? Do you need me?

Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away will you make me your wife?

*wink*

I think you can find home plate on your own.

 

Comments

[@Micrathene]

LOVE the nod to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights!" XD

[Andra]

Last weekend after dinner we were rounding the bases on the way home...haven't done that since we were 18. I had given our house key to the sitter so she could pick up our daughter's swim suit. There was NO way we were going to pick her up in this condition. I have always been good at picking locks so with a quick swipe of the credit card we were in...home run!

[Krista]

Awesome. So awesome. I think there may be some baseball this weekend here with my beloved Sox on the road. Thanks for the reminder!!

So jealous of your trip to Fenway. We go to many games each year but had to pull in the reigns and haven't been. Boo! The tour is awesome!! Make sure you carefully grab a rock of the gorgeous field. Just be careful!

[shaina]

I love you.

that is all.

is it bad that i'm leading a guy on simply because he can actually afford to take me to a red sox game and says he will soon? because that's how much i want to go.

[John]

This might be your best homework assignment yet.

[Redneck Princess]

I just love this whole post...