Tomorrow is my 40th birthday.
I'm not much for birthday angst but it's hard not to feel it when you hit 40.
Rather than look at my whole life, I try to look at the past year and ask myself - "Am I better today than I was a year ago."
Sometimes it's hard to answer yes. During most of my 30s for example - I felt like I was more out of shape, more stressed out, more financially strapped every year. It was hard to answer yes.
But then, when I took a step back, I realized that I was pregnant or nursing for most of my 30s - for 66 months in fact or 5.5 years. So while I wasn't getting in shape, or making tons of money or vacationing in Bali - am I better off for those years? For the AMAZING 4 people who live in my house (and spend all of the money I used to spend on personal trainers and travel)?
The answer is a resounding YES.
But my baby turns 5 this November. So it's back to the quantifiable things.
I'm getting in shape. In fact, Runkeeper says that since March I've run over 586 miles and burned over 50,000 calories. Whoo-hoo. Not bad for an old woman.
I'm travelling. Ok, it's not Bali but I was back in San Diego (where I used to live) for the first time in 12 years this month - and I'm going back again in 2 weeks! And I am going to use all these frequent flyer miles to take the family someplace fun. We'll even need passports.
I quit my old dead-end job. Okay, that happened last year and so far it really hasn't paid off like I'd hoped. But it's coming. I think. Or it's not. And that's okay. Because leaving a REALLY stable-but-sucky job after 12 years was REALLY brave. And since I did it? I could do it again - if I had to.
But if I don't have to because I'm making BAJILLION$ of dollars? Well, that would be pretty cool too.
And watching these 4 people grow up - teaching that baby boy who taught me how to be a mama - teaching him to be a man? He'll turn 19 the same month I'll turn 50.
So these next ten years? I have to hold on to them.
Because I'm not getting any younger.
I hope Carmen is getting you something real nice in celebration of your 40th!
But seriously, it sounds like you have had an amazing year and an amazing decade. Be proud of your achievements!
Posted by: Mrs. MidAtlantic | August 26, 2011 at 09:27 AM
Happy Birthday! I love this post. Great perspective on getting older. I keep trying to remind myself that the effort I have put into my family is what's most important. I need to do things for myself but it doesn't have to be an overnight thing. And you were very brave to leave your job. Mine is really stressful right now so I am jealous. But again, focus on what's important, not the petty job crap.
Hope to make it to the birthday #wineparty tonight!
Posted by: Denise | August 26, 2011 at 09:47 AM
Happy Birthday! I am exactly 5 days older than you! Good Luck in your next 10 years!
Posted by: Katie in Texas | August 26, 2011 at 10:48 AM
You're 29 right?
Posted by: Marlowe | August 26, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Happy Birthday. Loved reading this. Awesome stuff as always. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
Posted by: Amber | August 26, 2011 at 12:47 PM
You're going back to San Diego?! I'm jealous.
And happy early birthday!! I think that this coming year is going to rock the 40's face off.
Posted by: Alena | August 26, 2011 at 12:50 PM
happy happy birthday, young wonderful woman!
look at all you have around you. it's so right to do that.
i turned 45 a couple months ago and for the first time, a number really bothered me. boo.
but, what the hell, age is a state of mind.
enjoy 40!
Posted by: Marian | August 26, 2011 at 12:53 PM
Love this post! We're like twins separated at birth- I also turn 40 tomorrow! Hope you have a great celebration (and that hurricane irene doesn't make it to messy)
Posted by: GunterClan | August 26, 2011 at 01:03 PM
Happy Birthday! I loved reading this post. Unexpectedly, made me tear up (*sniff*). I wish I was in a position where I could quit my job and be at home with my kids. Maybe by the time I'm 40, I will be. Hope your birthday is wonderful!!
Adrian
Posted by: The Working Momaholic | August 26, 2011 at 01:25 PM
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Cole | August 26, 2011 at 05:19 PM
Happy Birthday to you! It is not that bad turning 40! I remember when it was my turn, I felt really shocked and upset when I got one of those cards reading: "Welcome to the second half of your life!" How dare they. On second thought: how many make it to the age of 80? In the end it is a question of how you spend your life and from following your blog, it is a pretty nice on!
Keep on rocking!
Posted by: Barbara | August 27, 2011 at 05:00 AM
Happy Birthday! I really hope today and this year are amazing and bring you even more joy.
Posted by: Susannah | August 27, 2011 at 08:29 AM
Happy Birthday! :)
Posted by: buzzvibe | August 27, 2011 at 02:21 PM
Great BIG Happy Birthday to you! I turn 40 tomorrow, It has been a bit of an "Oh God I'm 40 where did the time go!" thing for me but they say life begins at 40 so hopefully they're right!
Posted by: Emma | August 27, 2011 at 06:04 PM
Happy Birthday, Kit (he says, well-after the fact). I hope the day was magical for you!
Posted by: John | August 29, 2011 at 08:26 AM
Happy Belated Birthday!!! Hopefully you weren't hit by Irene and are still celebrating! You will LOVE your 40's! They allow you to settle into your own self and just relax with who you are! It's not the greatest getting older, but it does have some advantages! So have a great time celebrating and hope all your wishes come true!!
Posted by: Wicked | August 29, 2011 at 10:16 PM
It's hard to watch your body go up and down, in and out and your muscle tone make a run for the hills. Hair that once use to be jet black has hidden trails of grey. The laugh lines are now there even when you find nothing funny. Getting old sucks. Having said that, my mind is sharper and I'm smarter than the younger me (I'm not yet forty). Sometimes I look back at my young self and wonder how I survived walking around with all that stupidity. Don't make my complaints put a kybosh on the celebration. Happy belated birthday, I'm sure you're one of the lucky ones that improves with age.
the Super Sistah
www.thesupersistah.com
Posted by: the Super Sistah | August 31, 2011 at 10:24 PM