1. My husband was talking about someone who had lost a limb in war. My son pointed to a microscopic speck on his leg and bragged, "I have a little scar." My husband warned him that bragging about a tiny injury may lead to ridicule. A couple minutes later I left with my son to walk to the bus stop. My 4 year old yelled out the door after us, "Goodbye mom! Goodbye brother - and your little scar!"
2. My kids have started summer track. It's a great program run by the high school track coach and high school track participants for kids ages 4-14. There aren't a lot of sports available for children as young as 4 so I'm thrilled to be able to sign all four of my children up. Practice is from 6-7:30 and the first night I just sat there thinking, "Wow, I could be very productive right now." so last night I dressed in running clothes and ran around the outside of the track while my kids ran sprints.
At one point I was coming around the corner as a group of 7 year old girls lined up to race around the oval. Some friends of mine were on the sideline so I gestured to the little girls and stage whispered to my friends, "I can take them." My friends laughed. I passed the girls. The whistle blew behind me and they started running. The SMOKED me.
3. My brother is EXTREMELY cautious. He's also an accountant - go figure. A couple of weekends ago we were at the beach and one of the boogie boards started to float away. My sister said, "Good thing you grabbed that or he (gesturing to my brother) would have had to swim after it." My brother grunted and said, "Screw that, I would have waved goodbye to it and bought another one."
"Yeah," I added. "He has more dollars than courage." He readily agreed.
4. That same weekend at the beach my nephew got in trouble for a couple of things that he did to my son - because my son told on him. Later in the day my son walked into the kitchen and said to my sister, "He just said a bad word." My nephew turned to my son and said, "STOP telling on everyone!"
I turned to my brother and said, "And by everyone he means stop telling on him."
5. A few years ago my husband and I went to an "adult store" in downtown Boston. A few days later we were visiting my VERY CONSERVATIVE in-laws when my mother in law mentioned a restaurant right across the street from the store we had visited. "We were just over there." I said. My husband froze. "I can't remember why we were there." I told her. "Honey, Why were we just in Back Bay?"
My husband gave me a look and said, "I don't remember." "We were JUST there." I insisted. "Remember? We parked on the bridge and then walked toward the *POW*" I SUDDENLY remembered and became a STAMMERING, SWEATING, PANICKING FOOL.
6. My friend told me that she calls Match.com "ONLIE Dating"
7. My son batted last at his last baseball game of the season. At his level they don't score "outs" they just have everyone bat and then they switch to the field. After my son hit the ball he ran around all of the bases and his WHOLE TEAM ran out to home plate to celebrate his crossing home plate. The smile on his face made my husband tear up.
8. Last night after the last baseball game we brought the kids home, tucked them into bed and then I went to the gym. There are four elliptical machines and three of them were taken. I hopped on beside an 80 year old guy who was passing gas like he was the Exxon Valdez. I could have gotten off the machine but decided that exercising my heart trumped protecting my lungs.
9. The other day I tweeted, "You are Fabulous and anyone who says otherwise is an ASS." It was retweeted over 100 times. That's something we all need to hear more often. You guys rock.
10. Last weekend my husband put the moves on me for one of our Sunday morning quickies - which is basically his way of stalling since it's his turn to get up with the kids but I'll take it. We did it spooning which is USUALLY one of our favorites but halfway through I realized that it felt like I had a broken hip. Getting old sucks.
A good set of laughs! And I agree, getting old sucks.
Posted by: Dangerboy | June 15, 2011 at 09:44 AM
I hate getting old. The past few nights I've been staying up late coding a Twitter application I'm working on. I'm really excited about it and keep having more and more ideas that I have to code RIGHT NOW. Never mind that it is 12am and I need to wake up in 6 hours. I keep forgetting that I can't code all night and then function the next day like I could when I was 22.
Posted by: TechyDad | June 15, 2011 at 09:51 AM
Your 4 yr old sounds hysterical! Good that the baby can keep everyone on their toes.
Here is another one for you, just when you thought this book couldn't get any better - Samuel L. Jackson reads the "Go the F*** to Sleep" book. Not even kidding. Brilliant. http://bit.ly/jBihJ1
Posted by: JJ | June 15, 2011 at 10:12 AM
This totally reminded me that I have an elliptical machine.
Posted by: Handflapper | June 15, 2011 at 12:58 PM
#5 made me crack up because I had a similar experience once. Just after my husband and I had gotten engaged his parents invited me and my parents to go out to dinner with the whole family. The restaurant was in another town about 40 minutes away and I had only been there once a few years before to go to an "adult" shop. We were driving around looking for parking and as we turned onto the street the store was on I was seconds away from blurting out that I knew there was a parking garage around the corner when I was saved from myself by an open spot. I'm sure my in-laws wouldn't thought anything of it but I know my mother would have drilled me about when/why I had been there before.
Posted by: Kate | June 15, 2011 at 02:16 PM
I love it when you laugh. Because then I do, too. Go figure.
Posted by: Sidney | June 16, 2011 at 03:42 AM
I hate the "I'm running and this person passed me as if I'm standing still," feeling. Though, being on the other side of it it pretty cool, until you get passed the next time and you realize that it doesn't feel so good.
My right hamstring has been itchy . . . I realize that muscles don't itch, but I swear, this is itchy. It's driving me crazy. Getting old sucks.
Posted by: John | June 16, 2011 at 09:26 AM
I had a lot of fun reading this entry. Thank you, it is great :)
Posted by: dasi | June 16, 2011 at 10:53 AM
I loved this list (it made me laugh out loud while attempting to listen in to a conference call—luckily I was on mute)! It was so well-written, I could easily picture each of the instances that fueled your laughter. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Abookformydaughter | June 16, 2011 at 11:20 AM