Sometimes when my husband is searching in the kitchen drawers for a certain utensil I tell him to blur his eyes and look for a blur in the appropriate color. He thinks I'm insane but it totally works.
Anyway, when I was in college, my friend A- had a crush on a guy in a band. The band ACTUALLY went on to become moderately famous and recently played in Boston (Neither of us went.)
However, seeing the writeup reminded me of a party in college - it was an end of the year work party and A- and I worked for a campus cafe. We stole a keg out of the walk-in refrigerator and rolled it down the block to the party. About 16 people saw us but no one said anything.
At the party we played strip poker with the full-time staff of the University. We wore fake tattoos in compromising locations. We were VERY, VERY drunk. There are pictures.
After the party A- and I snuck back into the cafe with a couple of guys that we knew. A- and the guys photocopied their asses while I went to the bathroom. One of the guys was particularly hairy. It was not a pretty picture.
After I left, A- and the non-hairy guy had sex on the sandwich counter. Since I can't tell you where I went to college it's best if you avoid the sandwich counter at all Univeristy Cafes. That's probably good advice even if you DID know where I went to college.
The non-hairy guy was FRICKING HOT. He wanted to be a dentist when he grew up. If he were my dentist I would let him sedate me - if you know what I mean.
I am not currently drunk but I sort of wish I were. My town had town meeting tonight and I sat there for 3 hours before I remembered that life was too short to spend it arguing about how much we should pay the lady that keeps track of where all the bodies are buried (no really, she's the cemetary commissioner.)
Anyway, to recap: College was fun. Only eat food that was prepared on a surface hot enough to burn off any germs and if you're looking for deep insight in this post - just blur your eyes.
Ah college memories. I remember, in my college days, that one particular club had a rule that you shouldn't eat off the table if it was clean. Doesn't seem to make sense at first until you realize that the only reason it would have been clean is that someone would have been "using" it. There was a couch in the club office too but the cushions were propped up with trays stolen from the cafeteria. (Too much "usage" there too.)
Somehow, I went all through college without "using" anything in the club office, but there were plenty of times I walked in to eat lunch there only to see a clean table...
Posted by: TechyDad | May 10, 2011 at 09:23 AM
My drunk roomie and I (also drunk) stole a huge bench from the stadium of the large university we went to. And one night a bunch of us got drunk and posed nude for our neighbor's photo class. I try not to worry about it. :)
Posted by: Deborah | May 10, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Oh, I miss college. You just helped me reach my laughter quota for the day! So I think I will blur my eyes for the rest of the day.
Posted by: Jeane | May 10, 2011 at 05:25 PM
Jeez Louise, guess you just proved that Oscar Wilde was wrong, wrong, wrong when he said "youth is wasted on the young". . . wonder if I can go back to your college as a mature age Oz student? nah. . . will try the blurring thing though, I can see how that would work. . might try it for my next date actually. . .
Josie x
Posted by: josie | May 11, 2011 at 02:11 AM
LIBLMAO! That would be "Lying In Bed..." Thanks for helping me wake up with a giggle. I had forgotten abt the keg...
Posted by: A | May 11, 2011 at 06:11 AM
PS - Just to show how much I've grown up since then: I called in sick yesterday to spend the day in bed with my new vibrator, which is much too loud to use when my husband is home...
Posted by: A | May 11, 2011 at 06:27 AM
Oh, this post is pure heaven. I miss college so freaking much, though every now & then I'm given very real reminders as to why I don't drink now like I did back then.
And your advice on finding the utensil totally works. I do it more often than not (mainly because I wouldn't see what I was looking for if I was looking too closely, especially if the thing I was looking for was right in front of my face).
Posted by: John | May 11, 2011 at 09:47 AM
Thanks for confirming that my brain is not the only one that works in tangential circles somehow linking kitchen utensils and college sex and .... oh never mind, this is going wrong very quickly. Snickering loudly as usual!
Posted by: JJ | May 11, 2011 at 10:22 AM
My children have heard stories from my so-called friends about my college antics. I deny everything!
Posted by: Arlee | May 11, 2011 at 11:27 PM
OK so here is a weird little fact: And it is just way too far out to be used and may or may not be recalled when really needed, but the stand back and squint your eyes so it blurs stuff TOTALLY works when you are looking at your Christmas tree to see if your lights are even too. Do it and you will see everywhere that the lights need to be adjusted. I learned it about 20 yrs ago and it works. And now i need a drink : ))
Posted by: Wicked | May 12, 2011 at 11:22 AM
P.S. It also reminded me, I need to clean my kitchen counter this morning before making lunch! ; )
Posted by: Wicked | May 12, 2011 at 11:28 AM