The Crazy in My Head: The Empathy Edition

I NEVER cry.

I thought I might cry at my wedding - but no.  Not a single tear.

I thought I might cry when my children were born - and I will say that a single tear christened each one of them - perhaps two.  But definitely not more than two.

There are weeks that seem to last years - with professional disappointments and sick children and more and my brow furrows and I get VERY, VERY focused but cry? No.

I cried when my grandfather died.  He was like a father to me and I was not married when it happened.  And I miss him every day.

But my grandmother who was more of a friend to me - when she died a couple of years later I had gotten married and had a son and I realized that it was the circle of life and I may have shed a tear or two but not more.

But four years ago I was sitting in my livingroom and found out that my husband had cheated on my and my daughter had an incurable disease and I bawled like a baby.

And then Grey's Anatomy cut to commercial and my husband came into the room and looked at me sobbing and said, "What's wrong?"

And I tearfully told him about the cheating husband and the dying daughter and he looked at me as if I were posessed and said, "You know it's tv? Right?"

I nodded.  Sobbing.

Thank GOD for the writer's strike a few years ago.  If the Grey's season hadn't been interrupted halfway through I was going to have to start taking xanax.

When the strike was over I swore off tv - except for Criminal Minds.

One night earlier this year I sat on my couch with adrenaline coursing through my veins.  I was so agitated that I thought I might be sick and my heart was pounding.  My husband asked me a question and I couldn't answer him because SOMEONE WAS ABOUT TO DIE!!!

Then I asked him to turn off the series recording I had set on our DVR.

I read half of the second "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" book because I walked around for three days with a feeling of DREAD and couldn't figure out why until I realized that I wanted to throw up everytime I looked at the book jacket.  (It turns out that I was afraid for her safety.)

And this week I BAWLED while reading the Harry Potter books.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why don't I cry when things are really tough?  But I find it so overly easy to empathize?

Today my husband said, "You haven't smiled much lately."

And he's right.  Work has been frustrating.  The kids spring sports schedule has been busy.  My husband's surgery has put more responsibility on me and if someone's not careful Voldemort is going to kill us all!

I'm 205 pages from the end of the last Harry Potter book.  I wrote a few weeks ago that he'd stolen my mojo.  Turns out he's stolen my emotions as well.

I'm looking forward to having my life back!

P.S. Quarter to midnight and I finished.  Tears are, of course, streaming down my face and I am emotionally exhausted.  Please remind me not to do that again.

Comments

[HerMelness Speaks]

We all cry from time to time about stuff that bears no relevance to our real life. This is God’s way of making sure we stop crying once we start since, if we used our own lives for the watershed, we might never stop. Just saying. :O

[Mae]

It's not just you! I mean, it's at least you AND me. I notice when I watch sad shows or dramas like Grey's I get depressed-ish. And bitchy. And sad. And absolutely convinced that terrible things are about to happen.

When I was pregnant I had to stop watching crime shows because I was convinved unspeakable things were going to happen to me and my unborn child and we would end up the inspiration for a new episode.

I still can't watch anything more intense than say, NCIS. SVU? Forget it. Never again.

[Talei Loto]

Don't do that again! Okay, really... it's quite normal methinks. I cry at TV commericals, reality shows and even the X-factor... not sure if you get that where you are, but, the life stories always get me. I am a sap. And, in good company by the sounds of it! ;-)

[Deborah]

I might swear off tv and Harry Potter if I was bleeding from my eyes, but not for tears. But I did stop watching ER once I had kids. Just couldn't take it anymore. My youngest is six, and I was able to read and watch "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." But it bent my brain for weeks. I don't ever want to forget it either.

Hope you're smiling again soon!

[Inbarati]

I'm pretty sure it's normal. I do it too. It's your psyche's way of releasing the emotions that get shoved down because they're inconvenient at the time. If it effects you long-term with books and shows, I suggest movies that are not part of a series. Juno works well for me, having been a teenage mom. Throw the movie in, cry, feel better, go about the rest of your business. :D

[deharza]

It is not just you...believe me...I am more emotional with TV shows and Harry Potter books..

[Sarah]

I am the exact same way. Serious drama in my real life? No tears. Crappy Lifetime movie that I'm only watching because nothing else is on? I'm in full force ugly cry. What is up with that? How can we make it stop?

[June the Homemaker]

I recently cried when I watched the video of Big Bird singing "It's Not Easy Being Green" at Jim Henson's funeral. I DARE anyone to NOT cry at that! Anyway, I think that maybe it's easier to cry at other people's imaginary problems than our own because when we come back to real life it's over and not real. I get that a lot, anyway.

[TropicallyAnon]

Holy crap! So it's not just me! TV shows, movies, books, even touching music videos and I'm crying or bawling. The movie Armageddon with Bruce Willis? Not to mention the song and music video by Aerosmith that was featured on that movie??? Don't get me started. But throw me a real-life crisis ... well ... I've been told I have no feelings since I don't cry and show practically no emotion. Whatever. You can't compete with my fictional worlds.

[Mrs. MidAtlantic]

I always get so ticked off when the baby dares to interupt my reading time. What could she possibly need that's more important than The Count of Monte Cristo? Oh, a clean diaper? I guess that is sort of important.

Dammit - the baby wins again!

[TechyDad]

Like you, I rarely, if ever, cry. In my case, it's because, growing up, showing emotions just meant that the bullies would have more to use against me. I learned to bottle them all up. I've gotten better at not doing this, but tears still get suppressed most times.

Perhaps thanks to those bullies or perhaps thanks to my getting emotionally invested in fictional characters too easily, I can't stand to see people being embarassed on TV (either through their actions or by other people). When something like this happens, I start to feel like *I'm* being embarassed and I need to look away. Of course, this leads to questions about why I've suddenly closed my eyes so I need to invent stories of itchy eyes or being tired or something.

[Opto-Mom]

Harry Potter rocks! Hope you smile through your tears at the end!

[Amy @ A Little Nosh]

My husband thinks it's hilarious to watch me when I watch Grey's. I don't think I've EVER seen an episode without crying. And when I watch alone, I SOB. Like full on heaving.

[ashleyc]

Don't reread Harry Potter unless you plan to cry the whole time. I reread it and the second time around you are so much more in tune to the characters. I was bawling by page 10 of book 1!

[Sally]

I don't watch a lot of TV, but I decided that I should watch that episode of Glee where they cover Lady Gaga "Born this way".
I bawled most of the way through, and I don't even know who the characters are.
And yes, Harry Potter WAS difficult to read while crying. But I managed.

[Shaina]

I cry way too much...when other people are sad. or happy. or whatever. And i get very emotionally invested in books and shows and movies.

Examples: Heroes. I had to stop watching because I was getting so physically upset my boyfriend at the time was worried about me. His favorite book series did the same thing to me--i would be reading and would get SO MAD that the characters could not catch a break that i would want to throw the book across the room.

I do cry for myself, too, but not nearly as often as I'll cry for someone else!

[Coffee Lovin' Mom]

I had to stop watching Grey's for that reason...but I've always been a cryer - my mom had to tell me Lassie wasn't on the air anymore..

[Ericka @ Creative Liar]

Didn't cry at my wedding. Didn't cry when my daughter was born. Cried the other day when watching a show about an elderly lady with an incurable disease because I realized one day my daughter is going to be old and I never want her to be unhealthy or scared.

I also cried when they canceled Big Love.

So there's that.

[KBEspenshade]

It could be that in lieu of crying over the important stuff, when you need to keep your wits so others don't lose theirs, you cry over the trivial to express all that pent up emotion.

or it could be that you're as crazy as a loon and have things totally backasswards...

[BTW, if it's the latter, welcome to the club, we meet on Fridays after #wineparty. er, well, no... not really, but it could be fun, no? assuming we're all out of #twitterjail by then ;-)]

[kate]

This sounds familiar. I actually thought this was an instance where I was the only one.

[Genevieve]

I'm a cryer. I'll say it right now. I cry at books, movies, tv shows. Last night I was bawling while watching "Castle" and it took me quite awhile to recover.

Harry POtter? ARe you kidding me? I cry when Neville gets his freaking House Points in the first book. I cry when I see the TRAILER for the next movie. I pause it when I see someone I love is dead in the frame, and just bawl.

*sigh*

[Marta]

In total agreeance. I can never cry about me, but I bawl during most episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Can't say I cried during Girl with a Dragon Tattoo though, but I did love the series.

[Valentina@baby quilts]

I act exactly the same. Seems like when facing personal dramas I feel obliged to be the strong, to be the rock when everybody else is loosing it. On the other hand when I face other people's (real or fictional)dramas I just bawl.

[Dorene:]

LMFAO! I am here for you! I felt the same way, but actually even starting the last Harry Potter book was emotional for me since I knew it would be the last. Honsetly I was quite peeved in the manner things were left lol. But thats me. And currently while reading my current chapter of Vampire Diaries here I am again...emotional...don't talk to me...in a funk all because of being wrapped up emotionally to FICTION! Maybe you should read the Twilight Series (if you haven't already...since it seems that your hubby is healing...hee hee. It will give you a different type of emotional buzz. Or even read the True Blood series. Thats my next stop...the latest Charlaine Harris book...I can't wait. :) But I totally understand where you are coming from!

[John]

I've absolutely falling in love with the idea that you're super put together & can be almost emotionally distant at times . . . yet you break down with fiction.

You remind me of . . . me.