1. Back in December my 4yo daughter told me that I had a fat butt. Actually it was apparently Barack Obama that said I had a fat butt and she was just relaying the message. REGARDLESS, now that the weather is nice I've been working out a lot - sometimes going to the gym, sometimes going for a run and my clingy 4yo has started crying when she sees me in workout clothes. So now I tell her, "Mommy HAS to go for a run because SOMEONE said I have a fat butt." Far from being shamed she laughs and says, "It was me!" But at least it gets me out of the house.
2. We have not had any pet escapes recently but my husband HAS been trying to socialize Strawberry by taking her out of her cage and getting her used to human contact. Apparently he also got the urge to socialize the gecko we've had for two years (and have never handled.)
Last week I was in the kitchen and he was on the other side of the house when he started SCREAMING, "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go you SONOFABITCH! ARGH! STOP! LET ME GO!" It sounded like he was wrestling an intruder because he would OBVIOUSLY never speak to the children like that. Except he was sort of laughing - which I presume he wouldn't do in a life threatening intruder sort of situation.
Well it turns out that the gecko decided that she didn't care to be manhandled and she bit him - HARD, THRICE. He got her back into her cage, put the lid on and came into the kitchen sweating and bleeding like crazy. Apparently geckos have pretty sharp teeth.
3. Last night I posted to my Facebook Page, "For the record: I'm thrilled OSAMA is DEAD and would like to buy the heros of Seal Team 6 a round of blowjobs."
The resounding response - which I hadn't expected but probably should have - was that Seal Team 6 will be receiving Blow Jobs free of charge for a VERY, VERY long time.
4. (This one may have made me laugh AND cry.) Last week at Parent Teacher conferences my son's teacher confused Colonel Mustard with General Custer.
5. Earlier this week I was arguing with my sister and brother about some changes we want to make to a house we share. We finally resolved it and when I told my husband he didn't say anything. "You're not listening!" I accused him. "No, I heard you," he protested, then added, "But I was trying to think of a tactful way to say I didn't care." I looked at him for a second and said, "That wasn't it." He agreed.
6. Last week I wrote a Happy Mother's Day post mentioning that the Boston Globe had criticized me for enabling drunken mothering - or some such rubbish - the violence with which you all rushed to my defense was BRILLIANT! Thank you.
7. Brilliant? You can CLEARLY tell that the Harry Potter addiction continues. I have to admit that I'm thrilled that I didn't read them years ago because now I don't have to wait for the next book to come out and, EVEN BETTER, my 8yo and I are discussing them as we read. "Mom, what do you think about this?" he asks and we discuss it. The books? $50. Speaking with my son like he's a peer? Priceless.
8. We watched the first half of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on Saturday night. "Don't watch it in the morning without me?" I asked them (planning to celebrate Mother's Day by sleeping in.) "Ok." the promised. "I'll even pinkie swear." my 8yo told me sticking out his pinkie. (They didn't watch it.)
9. I woke up at 10am this morning. I had told my husband to wake me at 11. I thought about rolling over and going back to bed but then I thought about all of you. I didn't want to disappoint you by not THOROUGHLY enjoying my mother's day morning so I reached into my pillowcase where I had secreted Carmen last night. We shared a blissful Mother's Day MOMENT and then I went back to sleep for an hour. ;)
10. For Mother's Day I received a pot of growing grass, a homemade hummingbird feeder, a votive candleholder decorated with glitter and tissue paper and a notepad holder. I hope you received such treasure!
Ah, your things that made you laugh made me smile, thank you!
I also LOVED ready Harry Potter back to back to back. Sadly, I did not have an 8 year old to share with, though enjoyed them nonetheless.
My mother's day treasure was having a wonderful convo with my youngest baby, who is now 24 and contemplating buying his first house. He has planted a huge garden and had to tell me every detail, and even taste tested while we were on the phone. Priceless.
Have a great week :)
Posted by: Sarah | May 09, 2011 at 09:11 AM
After reading #3, I had immediately Google imaged "Seal Team 6" is that wrong of me?
Posted by: lmp | May 09, 2011 at 11:13 AM
At fifteen months, my daughter was not able to lovingly craft a Mother's Day present for me. So instead, she hitch-hiked to the mall and bought me an iPhone 4. Even better.
Posted by: Mrs. MidAtlantic | May 09, 2011 at 11:21 AM
Went steady with a SEAL. Twice. Although the first time he was just a pup. I am indeed thankful for his service.
Posted by: Sidney | May 10, 2011 at 11:32 AM
I've gotta wonder how many relatively fit, young-ish men with short hair and cleanshaven faces will be hinting that they *might* have been part of Seal Team 6 in the next few months/years... just for the free beer and blowjobs people all over the interwebs have been willing to offer them! (Of course, they can only hint. You'd know they *weren't* if they claimed outright that they were, 'cause that's confidential information.)
Back in the "Shrub" era, I offered to get on my knees and take one for the team, Lewinsky-style, with that asshole, if someone would only film it, so we could get his hypocritical ass out of office, but no one volunteered to hold the camera. Several people told me they thought it was a grand idea, but they didn't think they'd be able to hold down their lunches if they had to film that man doing anything sexual. As for me, it would have taken a lot of antiemetic drugs and some strong liquor, but I'd have soldiered through, if I'd had that chance to make the world a better place.
Posted by: toni in florida | May 13, 2011 at 03:02 AM
I love to read Harry Potter cause it is my favourite book since childhood!
Posted by: essay writing | September 21, 2011 at 07:51 AM
Back in the "Shrub" era, I offered to get on my knees and take one for the team, Lewinsky-style, with that asshole, if someone would only film it, so we could get his hypocritical ass out of office, but no one volunteered to hold the camera. Several people told me they thought it was a grand idea, but they didn't think they'd be able to hold down their lunches if they had to film that man doing anything sexual.
Posted by: custom essays | June 02, 2012 at 11:43 AM