BloggingDangerously

Is that a Cupcake in your Pocket?

When my husband pulled this out of his bag of tricks the other night I was like, "What the HELL is that?"  It looks like it's completely covered in fancy frosting. 

But I have to admit, the silicon "frosting" does make it soft without making it feel like one of those squeezable stress balls.

Note: I do recommend a little extra glide lotion.  All of those nubs create a lot of friction. 

Not that there's anything wrong with friction.

And if you're wondering how it works?  Well it's NOT my birthday but it SURE felt like it was.

Here's the link:  Taffy Tickler

And JUST IN: The AWESOME folks at EdenFantasys have agreed to give you 15% off your purchase of this - or any other product.  Just use the code "DANGEROUS" at checkout.

You don't have to thank me, just promise me you'll scream my name at least a couple of times. 

Proud as a Peahen!

Two awesome things happened last weekend.

First, on Friday night my husband and sons went to the boys' baseball game.  I stayed home with the girls to get dinner ready.  (Ok, I lied, we picked up pizza but it was cold and rainy!)

While my boys were in the outfield the batter hit a pop fly to second base.  My oldest son kept his eye on the ball, ran back and CAUGHT IT!!!  His FIRST off-the-bat catch EVER!

It was one of the first defensive catches of the season and the crowd - parents of both teams - went wild.  Of course no one screamed louder than my son who proceeded to scream, fist pump and otherwise show unsportsmanlike conduct until he was reminded that the runners on base were halfway home.

He threw one of them out for his first double play.

On Sunday, my 5 year old ran in her first road race.  She's very fast and I told her, "Just run.  Don't stop, don't look for anyone else,  just get out and front and run as fast as you can until you cross the finish line.  If you get a side stitch just remember how close the finish line is."

They lined up - she and my 4 year old.  The whistle blew.  My 5 year old was off like a shot.  The course was L shaped and I was behind her but she was way ahead (and on the outside) at the turn.  She slowed up a bit coming toward the finish line to see my husband waving to her and was passed at the line by a boy.  Regardless, she was the first female to finish!

Hooray!

 

G-Spot: Let's Talk About Sex

I'm publishing the following post because part of my goal here is to help people become more comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.  Part of this is being comfortable to talk about vibrators and experimenting and having sex with your husband and part of it is being able to talk about it when something is wrong.  Because things go wrong but - most of the time - they can be fixed.  But you need to talk about it.

This post is by one of my Twitter besties @efloraross.  'Thank you' to her for sharing such a personal story.

***** 

I was honored when Kit asked me to do a g-spot post for her. And I had one all ready to go. I wrote this a while ago, but it didn’t feel right for my personal blog. I don’t ever talk about sex there.

I feel it’s best to tell you that up front, lest you rush over looking for something juicy. I’ll leave the juicy stuff to the master, my hostess. I normally write about my struggles and successes as a mom and as a writer.

But today, I’d like to talk about something different. Thank you, Kit, for the opportunity!

-

Female sexual dysfunction. Ever heard of it? Or even thought about it before? Me either. I have no idea how many women are affected by it. I've never cared. Until it happened to me.

It started about a year ago with a noticeable decline in my sex drive. I'm not talking about being too tired for sex or "not in the mood." I mean I had no interest in sex whatsoever. Which is completely out of the norm for me.

I have always had a healthy sexual appetite. And, with the exception of the normal decline couples experience immediately following the birth of a child, my husband and I have enjoyed an active, mutually satisfying physical relationship.

I made an appointment to see the nurse practitioner at my OBGYN's office. Based on my symptoms, she (and I) suspected I could be beginning early menopause. So she drew blood and ordered a hormone study.

When I went back to see her a week later to get the results, she had good news. Everything was normal, except for one thing. I had no testosterone in my system.

Testosterone is thought of as a male hormone, but women have it, too. And we need it. But because testosterone replacement for women can have some very unpleasant side effects, I opted not to do anything about it at that time.

A few months ago, things started to get worse. Up to that point, not being interested in sex had not meant not being able to enjoy it. We continued to have a satisfying sex life. Until one day I was unable to become aroused. My body simply did not respond.

My husband, knowing me as well as he does, definitely noticed. And I was completely freaked out. I called and begged for the next available appointment.

This time, a whole battery of tests was ordered. The results of which revealed I am a very healthy 42 year-old woman. Good news, but what could be done for me?

I was referred to the doctor in the practice who specializes in female sexual dysfunction, who concluded after interviewing me there is no psychological cause for my problem. He suspects the long-term use of birth control pills have suppressed my ovaries to the point they no longer produce testosterone.

So I’m going off the pill in the hopes within several months, my levels will be back to where they should be, and everything else will return to normal. If not, we will explore hormone replacement therapy.

There are additional reasons to be concerned about a loss or lack of testosterone in women. It can lead to a decrease in bone density, loss of muscle mass, an accumulation of body fat, fatigue, hot flashes and an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, to name a few.

Other conditions can cause female sexual dysfunction, too. Some serious, some not. And from what little I have read, it is fairly common. I hahadve never heard much about this topic before.

Though it has become commonplace to see ads marketing remedies for male sexual dysfunction, our society doesn’t seem to believe it is OK to talk about female problems. Awareness and acceptance of an issue can lead to more people seeking help when they need it.

We are all sexual beings. It is part of our make-up, and certainly an integral aspect of our relationships. I'm comfortable sharing my experience in the hope it might help someone else. I believe it is important we be able to discuss these types of issues. 

If nothing else, maybe what I have just told you will make you feel better about your own sex life. In which case, you're welcome.

Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately

1. Last Sunday night I had tucked the boys into bed at 8 and was sitting in my office voraciously finishing the last Harry Potter book.  They both got up at 8:30 and walked into my office for absolutely no reason at all.  Then my 6 year old points to the book, points to my laptop and asks, "Mom, shouldn't you be working to make us more money?"

2. On a related note, my kids never go to bed on the first (five) tries.  Last week several awesome readers sent me a link to this book for parents.  It's HILARIOUS...

3. DH was supposed to chaperone my daughter's class field trip.  He had to be at the school no later than 8:10.  At 7:55 he was still in the bathroom and from the sound of it - he wasn't going to be done any time soon.  I'm not being gross, I could hear the Angry Birds themesong from outside the door. ;)  I called in to him, "You need to be at school in 15 minutes." "Thanks" he called out.  "No problem," I called back.  "I know how time gets away from you in there!"

4. On Thursday morning my 4year old does not have school.  Since I usually work from home, she and my husband and I try to spend some time together.  Last week she walked up to him, wrapped her arms around him and said, "Daddy, I'm going to make you have sap in you." (i.e. make him sappy)

5. "Can we watch a movie tomorrow night?" my 8yo asked on Saturday.  "No" I told him.  "Why?" he asked.  "Because you have SHchool on Monday." I answered slurring the word school.  (I may or may not have been drunk.  I don't actually remember. Which is probably a good indication.) 

As he walked away from me, he turned around so he was almost walking backwards, "SHCHOOL?" he asked. He raised his eyebrows.  "Really? That's what you're going with?"

Question: He's 8.  Can I still legally strap him into a chair?

6. Last week I took a look at some of the search terms that people have used to find my blog and I noticed that one of the top 10 was "Last Shreds of Sanity."  At first I was panicked.  I can barely find MY last shred of sanity.  There's no way I could help all of you find yours.  And then I realized that it actually referred to MY LAST SHRED OF SANITY my friend Shan's blog.  Which makes much more sense.

7.  I'm not the only one in the house with Harry Potter fever lately.  Both of my sons are at least deep into Book 4 and the girls have seen the first 3 movies.  The other day they were running around the first floor casting spells at each other.  I was trying to get them to brush their teeth and all you could hear was "EXPELLIARMUS!" (disarm) or "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" (a protection spell.)  Finally I couldn't take it any more and I yelled, "EXPECTO A SPANKING IF YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"  They laughed - but they brushed.

8. The air temperature warmed and the clouds parted long enough on Sunday for my daughter's birthday party.  21 Children under the age of 8 and for 90 minutes they decorated t-shirts, played tag, rested in a hammock, chewed on grass and ate cake.  I HAD planned to set up a soccer game but sometimes you just have to realize that unstructured play is the best kind.

9. I ran in a 5k on Sunday morning.  I hoped to finish in under 40 minutes.  I finished in 33 something.  That's the good news.  The bad news? The 8 and 9 year old boys who live around the corner from me beat me - HANDILY.  (By FIVE minutes.)  Their 5 year old brother also ran the race.  THANK GOD for me he took a wrong turn when the 5k and 10k race went separate ways (they found him at the 6k mark) or I may have been REALLY humiliated!

10. One day I was out running and it was INSANELY foggy.  I was running up the street and could barely see the houses on either side of me.  As I was passing the aforementioned neighbor boys' house I glanced over to see the 9 year old dressed in FULL hockey gear standing in front of a goal in his driveway.  There was NO ONE else in sight.  All I could picture was him waiting for some invisible lineman to come skating out of the fog.  It was funny and creepy at the same time.

Back in Business

What's the difference between Newlywed Sex and Old Married Sex?

Newlywed sex is where you have sex in every room of the house and Old Married Sex is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Fuck you."

After a series of events - including elbow surgery, Harry Potter addiction, female problems, EXHAUSTION - that had us counting the WEEKS since the last time instead of the HOURS, this past weekend was supposed to be our reunion.

It didn't happen Friday.  I was in my office icing my ass (okay, my hip) in preparation for a 5K race on Sunday, and celebrating #wineparty and he was indulging a pretty hardcore iphone monopoly addiction in the tv room.  Then he went to bed and fell asleep before I had even finished brushing my teeth.

An inauspicious start.

Saturday was more promising.  I took my 5 year old - Actually she's 6 as of 11:52 this morning! - to soccer and then to the grocery store.  Then I took my 4 year old over to the beach (I can't WAIT to show you beach photos!) As we headed out to the car the mailman pulled up and hopped out of his truck - "A package for you!" he yelled.  I was annoyed because it wasn't for me and I didn't want to leave it in my car and it made me have to run back into the house.

If I'd known what was IN the package? I would have felt differently.

I got home from the beach in time for my husband to take the boys to baseball.  They came home and sat at the kitchen table to play legos.  I stood at the center island and planned my daughter's party for the following day.  My husband rubbed up against me.  The kids were in the room so I non-chalantly turned toward the sink.  As I turned back I reached out and grabbed him.  My hand was hidden by the center island but his reaction wasn't!  He had that LOOK in his eyes.

"Kids," I said, "Go play outside for 6 minutes."

The look vanished. "Six minutes!" he feigned indignation.

"A GOOD six minutes." I said.  "I'll be lucky if it's 6 minutes after all this time." I thought to myself.

Despite all of his broken old-man parts he managed to kick me (gently) in the behind.

It jiggled.

(NOTE: This is why I run.  It will NOT be jiggly by blogher. )

So THEN we had dinner, and THEN we put the kids to bed and THEN we had date night - which consisted of me playing Words with Friends and him playing the aforementioned Monopoly on his phone  - swearing his head off at the device because apparently it cheats.

And then it was adult bed time.  And I knew what was planned to I grabbed a new flavor of lubricant from my dresser drawer.  We retired to the bed and he showed me what had come in the package I had reluctantly delivered earlier in the day.  I was no longer reluctant.

I had already grabbed Carmen and at the risk of providing too much information, she and the new guy (for he's decidedly MALE,) got along swimmingly.

Although it WAS touch and go for a minute.  You see, I applied the new lubricant and turned back to my husband for a kiss but a burning sensation below got my attention quickly.

"What is this firewater I just applied to my privates?" I demanded.

He laughed.  It didn't help.  Luckily the burning was short lived.  Or I was distracted.  One of those.

I was so preoccupied with everything that was going on that I forgot to time whether or not he lasted 6 minutes.   

But either way I was right.  It was a GOOD SIX MINUTES.