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May 18, 2011

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BigBadBooDaddy

you know you are completely right about this. @gypsy_momma and I have had some pretty big knockdown dragout fights over the dumbest crap... mainly because we are so tired and stressed, and the kids are always into something.

but what you said here is absolutely perfect advice!

Mrs. MidAtlantic

Your three points are right on. Hubby and I don't fight. Ever. Instead, I yell and yell while he calmly looks on and waits for me to be rational again. Then we discuss the situation like two adults. The situation is usually about time, and it ends with a respectful discussion founded on teamwork.

TechyDad

@Mrs. MidAtlantic,

I'm a bit similar to your husband. I rarely yell at my wife if I'm upset. Sometimes, if I'm really stressed, I might lash out before catching myself. Otherwise, if I'm upset I get quiet. Growing up, my father would verbally lash out at all of us when he was upset. Nothing abusive, mind you, but still hurtful.

Knowing I could do this if I lashed out verbally, I instead just get quiet. I'll often even deny there's something wrong so I don't need to talk about it until I've calmed down and had time to mentally process everything. It's probably not the healthiest approach, but I feel that it's better than screaming something that you regret the moment the words leave your mouth.

Kate

My husband and I are getting better and better at fighting calmly. We have also reduced the amount of time fighting from about 3 hours down to about 20 minutes, tops. I think that's a good sign!

Kim

gah, the yelling. Now that summer is here the windows are open again . . . which means the neighbors can hear. We used to hold hands when we fought b/c it's hard to yell at each other when you're toucning -- and it REALLY is. But then we had kids and the level of stupidity in our house sky rocketed.

Carol

Very true, very good advice. The best battles won (so to speak) are when DH or I take these things into consideration. Has helped me through 16 yrs of marriage.

Erin Reissig

Yep. That's it, in a nutshell.

Tawny

Just have sex and all will be right again. My husband and I only argue during dry spells.

TropicallyAnon

Hubby and I don't fight or yell at each other. Yelling is not my thing and I think hubs is grateful for that. If I'm upset, I try to watch my words 'cause I'll say something I know I'll regret later. Sometimes, I say nothing for days and wait til we have peaceful moments to ourselves and I know I can calmly talk about whatever we need to discuss. It's probably not the best thing to do but I'd rather do that than have one of us hurt the other's feelings by saying the wrong thing in the heat of the moment.

Andi Sexton

Sweet! Sweet that you know these things....
And hopefully.. you have told them to your dh and you are both on the same page.. again!!!

Jessie

I'm a shouter. Scott is the quiet type. We've not got the money demons that a lot of couples (including our parents) had, and we do decently on the time. It's stress that makes us fight. And the fact that I yell. And yell and yell and yell. And I SPIRAL in my yelling BEGGING Scott to TALK TO ME, only the more I yell the quieter he becomes and the more glowery he grows, which makes me yell MORE until I give up and storm off.

And then we sometimes talk about it later. Mostly we do. But we both also do a very good job of saying 'sorry'. Because it's a mistake to think that the noisy one is necessarily guilty. Coz I only am about half the time, and Scott knows it.

John

Keep the communications lines open, always. In my own marriage, that seems to be the issue that breaks things. Things will be too hectic to bring up something that I think needs to be brought up, and then, later, it's not that big a deal anymore. But, time passes, and I haven't forgotten it, but I never brought it up, and it happens again . . .

No matter how hectic things are, keep communication lines open.

Valentina@baby quilts

In our first years of marriage, we used to be the 'screaming' couple. Every 'yelling match' left us not only emotionally and physically drained but very embarrassed by our own behavior. One day we decided that every time there is an issue to be resolved we would go to a restaurant and over supper and drinks we'll discuss our differences. Public places do not tolerate screaming hysterics and that's what helped us overcome this bad habit and have a civilized discussion even when we fiercely disagree.

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