G-Spot: Let's Talk About Sex

I'm publishing the following post because part of my goal here is to help people become more comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.  Part of this is being comfortable to talk about vibrators and experimenting and having sex with your husband and part of it is being able to talk about it when something is wrong.  Because things go wrong but - most of the time - they can be fixed.  But you need to talk about it.

This post is by one of my Twitter besties @efloraross.  'Thank you' to her for sharing such a personal story.

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I was honored when Kit asked me to do a g-spot post for her. And I had one all ready to go. I wrote this a while ago, but it didn’t feel right for my personal blog. I don’t ever talk about sex there.

I feel it’s best to tell you that up front, lest you rush over looking for something juicy. I’ll leave the juicy stuff to the master, my hostess. I normally write about my struggles and successes as a mom and as a writer.

But today, I’d like to talk about something different. Thank you, Kit, for the opportunity!

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Female sexual dysfunction. Ever heard of it? Or even thought about it before? Me either. I have no idea how many women are affected by it. I've never cared. Until it happened to me.

It started about a year ago with a noticeable decline in my sex drive. I'm not talking about being too tired for sex or "not in the mood." I mean I had no interest in sex whatsoever. Which is completely out of the norm for me.

I have always had a healthy sexual appetite. And, with the exception of the normal decline couples experience immediately following the birth of a child, my husband and I have enjoyed an active, mutually satisfying physical relationship.

I made an appointment to see the nurse practitioner at my OBGYN's office. Based on my symptoms, she (and I) suspected I could be beginning early menopause. So she drew blood and ordered a hormone study.

When I went back to see her a week later to get the results, she had good news. Everything was normal, except for one thing. I had no testosterone in my system.

Testosterone is thought of as a male hormone, but women have it, too. And we need it. But because testosterone replacement for women can have some very unpleasant side effects, I opted not to do anything about it at that time.

A few months ago, things started to get worse. Up to that point, not being interested in sex had not meant not being able to enjoy it. We continued to have a satisfying sex life. Until one day I was unable to become aroused. My body simply did not respond.

My husband, knowing me as well as he does, definitely noticed. And I was completely freaked out. I called and begged for the next available appointment.

This time, a whole battery of tests was ordered. The results of which revealed I am a very healthy 42 year-old woman. Good news, but what could be done for me?

I was referred to the doctor in the practice who specializes in female sexual dysfunction, who concluded after interviewing me there is no psychological cause for my problem. He suspects the long-term use of birth control pills have suppressed my ovaries to the point they no longer produce testosterone.

So I’m going off the pill in the hopes within several months, my levels will be back to where they should be, and everything else will return to normal. If not, we will explore hormone replacement therapy.

There are additional reasons to be concerned about a loss or lack of testosterone in women. It can lead to a decrease in bone density, loss of muscle mass, an accumulation of body fat, fatigue, hot flashes and an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, to name a few.

Other conditions can cause female sexual dysfunction, too. Some serious, some not. And from what little I have read, it is fairly common. I hahadve never heard much about this topic before.

Though it has become commonplace to see ads marketing remedies for male sexual dysfunction, our society doesn’t seem to believe it is OK to talk about female problems. Awareness and acceptance of an issue can lead to more people seeking help when they need it.

We are all sexual beings. It is part of our make-up, and certainly an integral aspect of our relationships. I'm comfortable sharing my experience in the hope it might help someone else. I believe it is important we be able to discuss these types of issues. 

If nothing else, maybe what I have just told you will make you feel better about your own sex life. In which case, you're welcome.

Comments

[Jess]

Are the symptoms not being interested in sex go further into not even wanting to masturbate? Or does female sexual dysfunction relate to only the act of sex or getting aroused for the act of sex?

[Olivia @ Crossing Bridges]

Great post! Thanks for putting such a relevant topic out here like this. I'm 24 and got off of birth control pills 6 months ago mainly because my sex drive was nearly non-existent (though I could still get aroused with enough stimulation). It has been a gradual thing, but it's starting to return! I hope you have the same good luck I've had--don't lose hope!

[Tracy]

My life was pure HELL for 3 years with horrible symptoms. Sexual Dysfunction doesn't even cover how it felt for me. Plus the rage, depression, headaches, paranoia(sp), etc. Turns out, it was The Devil,aka, The Pill. Within 6 weeks of being of the pill, some of my body's reaction began to be normal again. And now things are great! The beauty about ovulating is that you feel awesome and the sex is awesome! Good luck!

[Pixi]

Really good, informative post!

And Kit, that first paragraph.... You are too awesome!

[RoryBore]

And here I thought all along I was just too tired, or that they thought of someone else touching me after being mauled by 3 kids all day was the reason for lack of interest. Although I wouldn't say it was so bad that I can't enjoy it. I'd just rather sleep some nights. LOL
But thanks for writing this....it's not something I thought I should discuss at a Dr's appt. But next appt I will.

[Andra]

Great topic! I suffer from endometriosis and sex can be extremely painful during certain times of my hormone cycle. I have had two surgeries to help ease the discomfort but it only lasts about 6 months. I'm now 7 months out from my last surgery and our sex life is definitely being effected. I have also had to come to grips that we will not be growing our family, BUT at least we were blessed with our daughter 7 years ago when we were wild, crazy 20 year olds! I knew all that fun couldn't be totally wrong. ;)

Thank you for encouraging me with your guest post...I will not give up. I'll be calling my specialist today for a follow up appointment.

[Jenn]

Thanks for sharing this. You are spot on (no pun intended) that no one ever talks about women problems, but they are so very common and worthy of the same attention. Best of luck with your course of treatment. :hugs:

[Elizabeth Flora Ross]

Thanks for all the encouragement and great comments! I'm happy to see the response; I had a feeling this would resonate with other women.

@ Jess - I'm not an expert, so I can't answer your question definitively, but no, I have not been interested in masturbating either.

@ Olivia - No sex drive at 24?! That's awful! I'm glad things are getting better for you.

@ Tracy - OH, yes! I have had unbelievable mood swings, rage, headaches. All those things. Just didn't include that here. I feel ya 100%!

@ Pixi - Thanks. And yes, Kit is awesomeness! :)

@ Rory - Some of what you describe can be perfectly normal. But I do think whenever there are changes or concerns, it can be good to discuss w/your doctor. That is what they are there for!

@ Andra - I have friends who suffer from endometriosis. I know it can be awful. I hope the specialist can help you. Good luck!

@ Jenn - Thanks, hon! And I liked the pun, even if it wasn't intended.

[John]

Excellent post - I've always wondered why our society is so loathe to discuss "female problems."

Best of luck with treatment (be sure to use SOMETHING if you're simply going off the pill . . . that 9 month STD has a tendency to occur), and keep us updated.

[Elizabeth Flora Ross]

@ John - LOL! No worries, we've taken the necessary steps to make sure there are no surprises. Or rather, I have. I'm too old to have any more babies!

It is amazing how people squirm when "female problems" come up, isn't it?

[Kim]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I had heard the term before, but I never know about how mot having enough testosterone can affect bones. Crazy!

This was lovely and brave of you to share. I'm betting that you're going to help someone today.

[the right time for pregnancy test]

I never heard of female sexual dysfunction but by the accounts of this storyteller, it seems that this is indeed very common among women, only that it bears a different name.
Many women especially in Asia will tell you that sex or talking about sex is "immoral" (not under the blessing of marriage of course). That is the main reason why it is still a "taboo": people just avoid this kind of topic.