1. We ran the dishwasher 3 times yesterday. Finally at 10pm I realized that the final load - the china, was clean and dry and needed to be put away - particularly because there were a few more items in the sink including a couple of wooden items that DID need to be hand washed but would NOT be okay after a whole night soaking in water. I called to my husband to help me with the last bit of work.
As he emptied the top rack of the dishwasher of plastic cups, I held the box that we store them in. With my hands busy, the took the opportunity to rub up against me - like he ALWAYS does - that drives me CRAZY (and not in a good way.) "YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS!" I yelled.
"I wasn't in your ass." he defended himself.
"You would be if I stopped saying no." I pointed out.
He laughed.
2. My oldest daughter will turn 6 next month. The other night at dinner she started talking about what kind of birthday party she wanted. I was TRYING to convince her to have a "Pajama Party" where her friends come over and have their hair braided and their nails done and listen to music, etc. but she decided that instead, she wanted to have a "Hannah Montana Soccer Party" that was co-ed and involved lots of sports. My husband had hardly recovered from the shock of the "Co-ed" announcement when she added, "And I want a Miley Cyrus blowup doll."
"Who doesn't?" I asked.
He shot me a horrified look.
"What?" I shot back. "She's legal."
3. My kids apparently need to get up fifty times after lights out before they can go to sleep. No amount of yelling, screaming or threatening can put an end to it so now we just ignore them. The other night one of my son's got up to go to the bathroom. The second he was done the other son was up for his turn. As my oldest walked back to his bedroom I heard the younger one call out, "Thanks for keeping the seat warm!"
4. My daughter's kindergarten soccer team - of which I am one of the coaches - is a bit lackluster. In the fall we called ourselves "Team Black" because our shirts were black but that wasn't inspirational enough so I decided to get some pirate patches and some iron on letters for the backs of the girls jerseys. My daughter immediately started nagging me to put the letters on her shirt. Finally I agreed. It was during the bathtime/bedtime ritual and all 4 kids were running around. I set the ironing board up in my room and plugged the iron in and then started yelling at everyone to watch out for the iron.
I pulled the letters off the backing - ignoring the part where it said to cut the backing and leave it attached to the letters. Whatever. I arranged the letters on the shirt, put down my 'press cloth' which started out as my daughters underwear but the elastic waistband kept messing up the letters so I switched to a dishtowel. I laid the iron over the towel for 30 seconds and when I pulled it up all of the letters came with it. They were not ATTACHED to it - they just weren't attached to the shirt either. The kids were all over me, my second son almost knocked over the iron. "Ahh!" I yelled. "Everyone out!" I re-spaced the letters and ironed them directly on the shirt. It worked PERFECTLY. Who cares if I don't follow directions and still have the scars from my first glue gun experience? I am UBER-CRAFTY MAMA.
That is, until I realized that when I had respaced the letters? I had put them in the wrong order - and spelled our last name WRONG. AWESOME.
5. Tonight at bedtime I had my husband cover me in our bed with all of the pillows and scrunch the comforter up. Then I had him call the girls to come find me. Ok, it's TRUE that I hadn't showered yet today but my 4yo walked into the room and started sniffing the air! When they finally found me she yelled, "I was sniffing you like a doghound!" SO CUTE!
6. My 8yo son had 5 friends over today for a play date. When my 5yo daughter heard they were coming she grabbed her soccer shirt (with the corrected name,) donned her cleats and went head to head with the best of them. They all fell and cried and complained at time - except her. She's the coolest girl I know!
7. Saturday I took my 4yo to a birthday party. On the way home I adjusted my rear view mirror so that I could talk to her in her car seat. "I..." I began. At the same time we both said, "love you." And then she, influenced by two older brothers yelled, "JINX!" And then she refused to say my name until we got home.
8. The other evening I left my home office and walked downstairs to the kitchen to start dinner. I was in need of a pick me up so I cranked up some Lady Gaga. My 8yo walked into the kitchen, gave me a funny look, walked over the ipod, read what it said, turned to me and said, "REALLY mom? Lady Gaga?" Rolled his eyes and walked out. I didn't even have a chance to defend myself.
9. We went to McDonald's for lunch on Friday and all of the kids got cups and mixed every single fountain drink into the cup. My oldest said to me, "I even put Dr. Pepper in there!" and then asked, "What's the flavor of Dr. Pepper?" My husband and I both made a face (we hate Dr. Pepper.) "I don't know," my husband said. "ASS." I mouthed to my husband. He almost spit out his Coke.
10. My husband took my 6yo to the barber for a haircut. Apparently they nearly came to blows about whether or not he was going to get a Mohawk. Finally the barber suggested a "Fauxhawk" which was a boys regular gelled up to look like a mohawk. The next day the 6yo sent me to the store to buy more gel.
Love the ten things!!
Help: I'm scratching my head on the Dr. Pepper... I don't get it... Am I out of the loop on some commonly known joke?
Posted by: Andi Sexton | April 25, 2011 at 09:16 AM
That's great! Kids are so funny! It makes me miss my niece and nephew even more.
And excuse me, Dr. Pepper does not taste like ASS! It is delicious!
Posted by: Bobbi | April 25, 2011 at 12:29 PM
Thank you for the giggles today. I am quite possibly in the worst mood ever. To the point where I might throw things at the next person who uses the word "preggers."
Also, if it makes you feel better, my husband likes to assault me from behind in the kitchen. If you, um, catch my drift.
Posted by: Gini | April 25, 2011 at 01:07 PM
Yay! My daily dose of morning laugh has been taken care of, thanks!
P.S. I heart Dr. P. It's just plum juice soda. Yum yum yum.
Posted by: Tipsy Reader | April 25, 2011 at 01:17 PM
If you ever cross the Mason Dixon line headed for warmer weather, never a breathe a word about not liking Dr. Pepper. There are a few things we hold sacred in the South (Dr. Pepper, football, and guns) and, as much as it pains me to write this, most don't take kindly to you'uns who feel dif'ernt. (mumble, mumble damn Yanks, mumble)
Seriously, though, your kids are brilliant. I love reading these posts because they always put me in a good mood.
Posted by: Chelsie | April 25, 2011 at 02:21 PM
Can totally understand why you might not like Dr. Pepper (though I'm pretty fond of it and its cousin Pibb). But you REALLY want to taste ass-in-a-can?
Get some Moxie.
My state used to be part of yours, so I'm sure you can find it (or perhaps you've already been acquainted with it).
Never has any drink but Moxie dared to combine the sublime flavor of root beer with heavy notes of cough medicine and an undertone of concentrated sphincter.
Posted by: Thedeaconblue | April 25, 2011 at 11:34 PM
You know what made me laugh? The fact that you tried to pass of numbers 1 and 10 as different events.
HA!
Posted by: Just K | April 26, 2011 at 12:24 AM
It was so good it counts as two.
It is the alpha and the omega - the Beginning and the End.
And it was hilarious.
Posted by: Kana | April 26, 2011 at 02:58 AM
New fact learned at trivia this week: Dr. Pepper is comprised of 23 different flavors. 23!
Posted by: abbylyn | April 26, 2011 at 10:47 AM
Oh what a good list for a laugh!
BTW, cannot agree with you on Dr Pepper. I think that stuff is brilliant. Not as much as Mtn Dew but brilliant all the same. What you should try is a Dublin Dr Pepper! Now that is the good stuff!
I applaud you for ironing on the name to the Jersey but I so would've taken it to a tailor. I cannot sew. Some of the kids GS/CS patches don't iron on or if they do they sometimes don't stay well. So tailor it is.
Posted by: Paulette | April 26, 2011 at 06:00 PM
Ooooo the repeat has magically disappeared! Maybe my computer is going nut-so.....
Posted by: Just K | April 26, 2011 at 10:51 PM
Ha, ha, ha - had a good laugh, thanks! Is it my subscription or my extended Easter party but I see #1 and #10 being the same. Come on, deliver on your promise; I want one more, please...
Posted by: Valentina@baby quilts | April 27, 2011 at 10:33 AM
Totally agree, Dr. Pepper is awful!
Loved the post.
Posted by: Marta | April 27, 2011 at 04:42 PM
Totally agree, Dr Pepper is DISGUSTING!!!
I love the fauxhawk story, my son reminds me every morning to gell it up!! (He hasn't quite mastered it himself)
Posted by: SarcasticSingleMom | April 28, 2011 at 08:38 PM