It Feels Like 10 Minutes.... Underwater

Last year I blogged about How I Met My Husband.  This year I decided to do something about it.

Last Friday was the tenth anniversary of the day that we met.  I started obsessing about planning it early in the week.  First, I considered whether or not it made sense to spend $500 on a less than 24 hour love fest.  I decided that I could NEVER justify spending that much money just to have sex.

Then I remembered that we had 3 unopened varieties of K-Y waiting to be sampled and I called my mom and asked her to babysit Friday night. (I did NOT mention the K-Y.)

Then I proceeded to solicit every single hotel in Boston for a "media rate" in exchange for reviewing their property as the "Ultimate Weekend Getaway Locale."

The Mandarin Oriental was the only property that was eager to help - unfortunately their media rate was out of my price range.  (Although their property is GORGEOUS and I highly recommend it if you have the budget.)

I finally booked a room via Hotwire.  I made a reservation at Grill23 for dinner.

And then I panicked that my husband would be too tired to go, or wouldn't want to spend the money, or wouldn't have a clean shirt for the restaurant. 

So I totally ruined the surprise on Thursday night.

Which was just as well because I went for a run on Friday afternoon and when I got home my mother was already there.  (She's notoriously early.)  Can you IMAGINE how awkward it would have been if my mother had broken the surprise to him?  "You're taking my daughter to have sex in Boston."

Speaking of awkward, earlier in the day I had mentioned to my boss that we were going into Boston for the night for our anniversary.  It seemed like an innocent remark when I made it but it became pretty clear, pretty quickly that I just said I was going to have "hotel sex" and it really killed the conversation.

So my husband and I got ready to go while my mom hung out with the kids.  I ordered and paid for pizza and then we left.

Just.like.that.

No fireworks, no histrionics, no "I'll miss you momma" - which I get every time I go for a 35 minute run!

It was pretty anticlimactic.  And nice.

Except WTF? Don't those kids know how much we do for them? And they're not even going to FUCKING MISS US?

So, we get into Boston and I direct my husband to the hotel - which is SHOCKING because I have NO sense of direction.  NONE.  When God gave out senses of direction, I didn't get any - because I was LOST.

So we pull into the hotel and go up to our room.  And...

he unpacks.

We're going to be there for less than 18 hours and he has to unpack.  Thank you US ARMY.

Then we go to the bar for a drink.  But their taps were broken so he had a bottle of beer and I had nothing.  Well, nothing except for half of his bottle of beer.

Then we walked to the restaurant in the most direct way possible.  Or maybe not.  Because he let me lead - which I pointed out SEVERAL TIMES - was really not the best idea since he's been with me for TEN YEARS!

So we're on our way to the restaurant and our path takes us through several hotels connected by skybridges and an indoor mall.

At the first escalator, we hop on and as the reality hits us that we are ACTUALLY on a love vacation he leans down to kiss me - and the HUGEST BOLT OF LIGHTNING comes from our lips and shocks us both to within an INCH of our lives.  It's so powerful that we don't even finish the kiss, we SCREAM, jump away from each other and clutch our mouths.

ROMANCE.

Despite my directions, we got to the restaurant early and had a drink in the bar. 

Then we were seated beside a table with three people.  We spent the next hour trying to figure out what the dynamic was between the three people and talking about our children - NO LIE.  Since it turns out the threesome beside us were parents with their law-school graduate daughter - it likely would not have taken them very long to establish our "PARENTS WHO NEVER GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS" dynamic as we discussed cute stories and bowel movements.

We finished dinner and went back to the hotel.  I was tired.  I crashed face-up on the bed.  My husband spied the wingchair across the room.  I won't go into too much detail about what happened next but 1) we didn't pause long enough to open the KY and 2) if you ever have occassion to be in room 2051 of the Sheraton Boston I would avoid the wingchair and PARTICULARLY the ottoman. Just saying.

There may have been subsequent activities during which we also did not pause to open the KY. 

It was during a lull in the activities that I heard the ENTIRE conversation of a couple walking the length of the hall outside our room.  Apparently NOISE CONTROL was not a focus for people building hotels in the 1960s.  Even though it was the 60s!

Anyway, the ensuing bashfulness MAY have been the reason that we never did get around to opening the KY.

We fell asleep.

Except the pillows in the Sheraton are EVIL and when you put your head down on them all of the stuffing in it shoots into the other half of the pillow - which poofs up and hits you in the face.  And no matter what you do you can't get it to stop whacking you in the face.  Unless you scrunch it down very carefully - in which case it is 1/4 of an inch think and ABSOLUTELY useless.

In the morning we went out for breakfast and AGAIN he let me lead.  - You see how getting lost is completely his fault right? - But when we got there, there was bacon.  So we stayed married.

Then we went back to the hotel and got our stuff and I bought 4 chocolate lobsters from the gift shop for the kids and we went home.

It turns out the kids DID miss us when we were gone AND did a great job helping my mom. 

We're going to try to book her for next weekend - because we STILL have to try that KY!

P.S. If this post makes you jealous at all - stop right there - because since we've been home two of our 4 children have puked and a third came home from school sick. Just when you think you can avoid parenthood there's some sort of bodily discharge (not yours) that needs to be cleaned up. 

 

Comments

[carol anne]

LMAO !!! The last hotel we stayed at in Cape May lacked soundproofing also. We could hear the folks next door when we arrived so we had an early heads up. *shakes head*

[Rockstar]

Sounds like you had a great time though and the weather was perfect last weekend. The perfect weather plus the puking thing really makes me think that you have great timing. You could have been away during all of the puke-fest and missed it! Nothing is more stressful that a call from grandma saying that there is a vomit fountain going on.

Plus... The puking thing really firms up my belief that you cannot have TOO much good.

[Garrett Wolthuis]

Nice to know the sparks are still happening after 10 years!

[Surf Momma]

Amen to your P.S.! I told my husband I'd wanted a mental check out last night and that bed and bath time were all his. But we're potty training, and a pre-bath poop in the potty required celebration and that I tear the house apart to find the Lightning McQueen promised to him!

[Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)]

Damn girl! Whenever i read your posts i start wondering if there's something wrong with both my marriage and my sex life. Of course, i am about a million years older than you, but still!

I'll stay at the Mandarin and avoid your hotel and the ottoman.

[Sarah Williamson]

thank you for sharing this story! gives me hope.

www.sarahplanet.com

[Nicole]

Spending this week-end in New Orleans WITH kids..pretty sure the ottoman won't get touched:-) your funny.

[Amy @ A Little Nosh]

Oh how I can relate to the husband unpacking. Mine was also trained by the Army. He's a terror to live with because I'm too messy for my own good.

[Mrs. MidAtlantic]

OMG I LOVE HOTEL SEX! It's the best.

[Olivia]

Take it from someone who's in hotel management...other guests NEVER complain about that sort of noise! Hotel sex is great. Glad you enjoyed yourself :)

[Mama647]

Sex, Boston, and swearing. Three of my fave things!

[Dee]

What a way to celebrate your 10 Year anniversary. Good to hear that you are also still keeping the love making alive after 10 year of marriage. www://lovedrive101.com offers alot of different toys that will help bring the romance back into your marriage.