I'm sorry I missed #wineparty on Friday night. I kidnapped my husband for a romantic getaway. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
1. My son is in a bookclub. The moms and the sons meet every 6 weeks to discuss a book, eat pizza and then the boys play. The morning after our last meeting I glanced at my son and noticed that he had a black eye. "Where did you get the black eye?" I asked him. "Book club." he said.
2. Last weekend I was in the grocery store with my 4yo. In the middle of a crowded aisle she turned to me and asked (loudly,) "Mommy, is FUCK a bad word?" "Yes" I told her quickly. "How many times do you have to say FUCK before you get in trouble?" she continued. "Only once." I told her praying that she would stop yelling "FUCK" in the middle of the store. I was half laughing and half hiding my face in her shoulder so that no one could see my mortified face. AWESOME.
3. Our pet tarantula died last week. It was sad but the kids didn't really mind. Until they saw it in the trash. I'm not overly emotional, but even I was surprised when my husband tossed it in the trash. My 8year old looked at him like he was the devil and said, "We could have at least buried it in a PLACE OF HONOR!" He sounded like a Jedi when he said it.
4. Our new pet? Is a snake. True story.
5. Last weekend I went for a run. "I want to come too" my 5yo told me. "Let me go for part of my run and then I'll come back and get you and we'll run around the block." I told her. I ran 2 miles. I came back and got her and we ran 1 mile together. She kicked my ass.
6. We had a town election last weekend. I held a sign for one of the candidates. While a bunch of us were standing there someone mentioned that she was going to Miami for spring break. I thought about all of the scantily clad latina women in the gorgeous Miami heat - and about how stifling my 'business casual' attire had been on my last trip and I blurted out, "There's something about Miami that just makes me want to take my clothes off." I spent the next 5 minutes trying to explain what I meant - but I'm not sure they believed me.
7. I was RESCUED from this faux pas by the husband of the woman going to Miami when he took something she said about her weekend with the girls COMPLETELY out of context and said, "Come on honey, this isn't college any more - no more experimenting." Practically outing her as bisexual. Suddenly me walking around naked was pretty freaking conservative.
8. I've been working out a lot lately. At dinner one night my son asked me why I've been running so much lately. "To lose weight." I told him. My 4yo burst in, "You have a big butt because you eat TOO MUCH FOOD! Peace, me out." and then she got up and walked down the hall. (Fast enough that I couldn't throttle her. Smart girl.)
9. We went to an improv comedy show Saturday night and they asked for volunteers from the audience. All of my children raised their hand and they chose my 5yo. She went up on stage and did an amazing job. I'm okay with public speaking but would not volunteer to do improv in front of 100 people.
10. I am a sympathetic puker. I always have been. In college I worked at a concert venue and whenever someone puked they had to call someone else or I would vomit on top of the vomit - something so gross that just thinking about it now is making me feel queasy. All day today my oldest son was lying on the couch saying he felt terrible. I thought it was allergies because he described it as runny nose, sore throat, headache. We gave him Children's Tylenol and he just had a stuffy nose. I kept suggesting that he go to bed but he refused - opting to lie in front of the tv instead. At dinnertime we made him come in for a little bit of food. He took a sip of milk and then retched a bit. I thought he was faking because he hadn't wanted to leave the couch - and he was aiming for the middle of the table.
"Don't you dare throw up on the dinner table." I told him. He looked up at me and vomitted all over the table. "GO TO THE BATHROOM" I yelled and dove for the kitchen sink. Luckily 8+ years of parenting have dulled my vomit reflex. THANKFULLY it hasn't dulled it TOO much. I dry heaved over the sink while my husband cleaned up the vomit and took care of our son.
Hilarious, made me laugh too! Last night my yo told me, "your butt is big, not cute and wiggles." Love the whole FUCK scenario. My kids think that stupid is a bad word, but fuck and shit are just part of everyone's everyday vocabulary!
Posted by: btchygirl | March 21, 2011 at 09:06 AM
"SNAKES! Why did it have to be snakes?" LOL
Posted by: Lady Estrogen | March 21, 2011 at 09:17 AM
The imagery of you retching over the sink is priceless. Even though I don't even know you.
Posted by: Rachael | March 21, 2011 at 09:37 AM
OH MAN, this post gave me SUCH a good laugh!!! Absolutely hilarious!! #8 was exactly what my sister and I used to do to our mom, before we became adults and realized how f-ing hard it can be to lose the darn extra booty!
Posted by: Michi | March 21, 2011 at 10:04 AM
I am also a sympathetic vomit-tress. My husband and I have a deal, he cleans any and all vomit problems (we have dogs that are large) and I am on poop duty. Its a harmonious relationship really.
Posted by: Middleofthebed | March 21, 2011 at 10:50 AM
10 things we thought about lately, which might or might not be related to the 10 things that made you laugh:
1. We started a book club right before starting our new blog. We have to abandon the book club.
2. We are finishing up a post on cursing to be published soon.
3. We like Star Wars
4. Our pets are mostly cats and dogs, and the occasional rock.
5. We don't run, we walk really fast on the treadmill.
6. We love Miami.
7. We are not bisexual
8. We're getting big butts from sitting all day working on new blog and eating chocolate for stress reduction.
9. Good job! ( your daughter at the Improv)
10. Now we know what it's called to want to puke right after someone has done it. Sympathetic name.
Posted by: 2Commentaristas | March 21, 2011 at 11:36 AM
Love this post as usual. Still wondering how you find time to exercise with 4 kids and a full time job - what's the secret?
Posted by: Carla | March 21, 2011 at 04:03 PM
hilarious.
Not so much the puking, but the rest... good stuff.
Posted by: leighann | March 21, 2011 at 09:17 PM
I would have loved to hear the "no more experimenting comment." I bet that made for an interesting car ride home.
Our son started gagging the first time we carved a pumpkin and pulled the insides out, and if he even hears one of his three siblings getting sick, he loses it.
Posted by: Chase McFadden | March 22, 2011 at 05:56 AM