Pornography - Disclaimer

I want to make it clear that by publishing last week's Guest Post on pornography - I was NOT condemning pornography.

I'm not going to judge someone else for what they do or don't enjoy sexually - as long as it's consensual.  However, I will admit that in my experience men are more visually stimulated than women - which makes pornography more appealing to men - and - as a result - more TARGETTED toward men.

So with the porn industry making movies for men, it's no wonder that when a woman sits down to watch she thinks, "You have GOT to be kidding me! My X don't look like that.  My Y doesn't BEND like that and LORD KNOWS, his Z is NOT going in there!"

But I have to admit that I like the writeups.  Maybe I'm less visual and more literal?  Maybe the words are hot - without being intimidating?  Not sure what the turn on is...  What do you think?

Men: Would you like your ladies to watch more porn with you?

Ladies: What would make you want to watch more?

Comments

[TheMightyJay]

All though my wife's fine with me watching it, I'm not into porn at all. Sure I've seen my share being a teenage boy with hormons raging through my vains with the speed of wank, but porn's gotten more si-fi then about sex. Things are done that aren't what turns me on. So we delve within our selfs to find the things we like and do that.

[Joni]

We don't watch it. Either of us. But I'm not opposed to it. However if his idea of hot is making me gag repeatedly because that looked fun in the movie. Yeah. He's probably just gonna get vomited on.

[lilly]

My husband watches porn occasionally and I don't mind. I've watched it with him a couple of times but not the extreme, weird things that no one in their right mind would ever do. We're very comfortable in bed and both know what we want and even though porn does work as a turn on sometimes, what they do there is not what either of us wants (at least not that I'm aware of).

[Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)]

I know this sounds crazy but i like to have a plot! Seriously, even if it's a crazy plot I like a story in the porn!

[Thedeaconblue]

As one of the previous commenters, I do want to mebtion I didn't feel that you were slamming porn...just pointing out that a lot of women think if men watch it, the always want IRL what they see onscreen and I don't think that's the case most of the time.

I watch a lot of things specifically because they aren't anything my wife would do or because they are things she doesn't do often. Porn is basically my supplement...my fill in when we aren't having sex with each other. For that reason I don't feel a need for her to watch with me. However, given that I write erotica under another online name, I do wish she'd read my stuff...lol.

On the other hand, it wouldn't bother me a bit if she did watch with me

[Chelsea]

it really upset me when i found out my man was watching porn on the days that we were having sex nonetheless. it really messed with my head but i am the type of person who can see two sides to things, in a way the whole situation was enlightening. Gave me insight on what he likes, what turns him on. There was no fight, no break-up, lots of tears but we talked and i explained to him that it really hurt me and made me feel like a failure. i know that if i see porn and stuff that shit is burned in your brain there is no getting it out!
so there.

[andygirl]

I like lesbian porn. and not girl on girl for men. I am not into the plastic waxed looking like 13 year olds BS. I'm talking porn for lesbians. good stuff.

[Kendra Lee]

This might make me weird but I love to watch porn. I love to use it sometimes just to get my partner and I more worked up. It's great to watch and talk about the things that turn us both on that we're seeing. That doesn't mean that I necessarily do the things my partner (male or female) is turned on by but just talking about it gets us both far more steamed up.

[Opto-Mom]

As the guest writer of the post in question, I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't condemning porn either. The post was meant to be entertaining with a side of insightful sarcasm.

I think porn does have its place, and you can sometimes pick up a few tips and/or ideas. But with the post, I just wanted to have fun by pointing out some of the ridiculous expectations that some men (and women) take away from a porn-watching extravaganza.

Also, LMAO @ Joni's comment!

[chuck]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to be the kludge here. I'm finding out more and more that porn is creating problems that we didn't have before. Last week, one of the commenters posted a link to an article in NY magazine in which the writer did anecdotal research about men faking it during sex and linking it to porn. The link was:
http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/

Another article, done by researcher and writer Ian Kerner is more to the point in telling the damage that porn does to men and to relationships. Here is the link for that one:
http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/11/11/the-new-sex-issue-and-why-more-men-are-faking-it/

They say that there is no saint like a reformed sinner, and in my case, that is accurate. Like many, many men, I would look at porn. However, when I came to realize that porn had nothing to offer me, and the the incredibly sexy, willing woman in my bedroom was not only hot, but hot for me, I realized I didn't need porn (and, hey, I got a lot of free time back). I've got to say, my wife of 40 years has got those fakes from LA beat.

(Wonder if that Apple Cinnamon candle is still up in the bedroom tonight, hmm.....)

[Olivia]

I've watched it before and while it's intriguing, it doesn't necessarily get me going. I know hubby has watched it before, and may still be watching it on occasion...and I don't know that I'm completely ok with it, but I'm not sure I can justify/explain those feelings.

On another note...I found your blog today, thanks to PW linking to her bloggie-winning friends. And I read THE WHOLE THING. TODAY. I can't tell you how many times I laughed so hard that tears were streaming down my face. You, ma'am, have another loyal reader.

[S]

I don't mind porn. Like recreational drugs, if you are into it and it isn't hurting anyone else, knock yourself out.

I was married to a man with an addiction to porn for 13 years. I didn't realize the extent of his addiction until the very end of our relationship, as it was all falling apart. His problem tore into me, made me question my value as a human, messed with our kids, and in the end, was the catalyst for the end of our marriage. His expectations of who and what I should be was based on the movies and magazines he looked at. No woman can live up to that (nor should we want to).

Now the pressure is on his new wife, 15 years younger than me. Glad it isn't me, and oh, so glad he has moved on.

The post by the guest blogger hit home because of the unrealistic portrayal of what good sex is. Of course, I am a woman :)

[chuck]

This will be my last post on the subject - sorry if I'm boring anyone, or, more likely, really irritating a lot of you.

This was a short presentation at a recent TED conference, entitled Make Love, Not Porn. If it makes the rounds of a TED conference, it's not inconsequential.

http://blog.ted.com/2009/12/02/cindy_gallop_ma/

[Val]

Porn isn't a substitute for sex for me, it's a supplement to masturbation. The things I enjoy in porn, I don't necessarily want to enjoy in the bedroom (mainly because I enjoy watching BDSM, and I'm also a wimp.) I've found a good quality umbrella site with kink specific sites that I really respect for their professionalism and a good story site. I generally stick to those two, so I'm not sure what the 'riffraff' of the porn world looks like.

My husband looks at porn when we don't have enough energy for sex, and the only time it bugs me is when we've already had sex that day.

[buzzvibe]

I'm not into watching the impossible acrobatics porn, either. It's just not convincing. However, there are adult films out there made by and for women. Those scenes tend to be a lot more realistic, sensual, and focus on the ladies' pleasure.

[Sally]

I'm a woman, and I don't generally watch TV, or watch DVD's. I like reading, I like the way that the words paint pictures in my mind. I prefer it over someone else's interpretation of how the story should look. Personally, I'd rather read erotica or (lets face it) smut, and paint my own images of the action.

I'm not against porn, and I don't care if my partner watches it, but if I'm trying to get me off, or we want to get off together, it's got to be more engaging than the general standard of porn.

Visuals alone just don't do it for me on their own. I like the descriptive terms used in text (although, if we could forever avoid the term "his hot member" I'd be forever grateful) and I find that by watching porn, you seem to loose some of the subtleties that make the experience enjoyable for me.

Maybe if there was more story, and it was tuned directly towards my turn ons, and my kinks, then I'd watch more porn. But it's not, so I'll continue reading, and I'll continue my active fantasy life.

[Wicked]

Every study out there shows that women need the mind to be involved as well. That said we are going to need some type of plot along with the sex. We want something that is hot, steamy yet romantic at the same time. Look at the daytime soaps, think if they could throw some soft porn in there there wouldn't be millions more viewers!!

[kate]

for me it's the moaning.

[J.]

I used to be very disturbed by my husband's interest in porn. A lot a has changed since then and now we look at it together--but only the real deal, real people who have uploaded their own photos and videos, not professional work. I find real people interesting and a turn on, where the fake stuff made me very uncomfortable.

He also finds nature to be a turn on, and music, and food . . .a sensualist, I suppose you could say. I have learned a lot from his perspective including that I am damn hot! He wants me and only me in person--and that is what changed, my finally understanding that porn is not a threat to me.

And I agree with Kate, the moaning is a total turn on!

[dandellion]

I'm lucky to have a g/f that likes porn. Keywords being feminine (or sometimes feminist, though that one is not quite right) porn - meaning made usually by women but always for women. Meaning there is actually a story that is part of the movie. And that there was somebody who actually knows what to do with camera. It's an artistic exploration of sexuality. Only problem is... it's so hard to find it around.

[Dianna]

My sweetheart and I ordered a porn movie while we were at a cabin at this funky little spa for the fun of it. We aren't the type to be embarrassed by much, so when the movie didn't play he called guest services and told them to credit our room and we picked another one. About 45 seconds in we were laughing hysterically and had to mute it. We decided to ignore the movie and have our own fun, tho I had inappropriate giggles erupt several times when I caught glances of the movie and my sweetie just grinned. The people in the room next to us gave us dirty looks when we walked outside later to go to the mineral springs.