I pride myself on being particularly non-judgemental. I like to think that I have enough going on in my own life that I don't have time to be peeking out from behind theoretical window blinds worrying about what other people are doing. I also like to think that even when I have time to notice what other people are doing I am no SO perfect that I am in a position to judge anyone.
Finally, just because I have made certain choices, it doesn't mean that those same choices would be right for someone else. It's not up to me to say what someone else should or should not have done.
And yet, I am not the judgement free person that I want to be.
Sometimes I'll see a woman with a tattoo and think, "OH. She has a tattoo."
PEOPLE, I have a TATTOO!
Last week I started going to the gym again. I used to go to the gym all the time and I would ALWAYS see my friend there. But she hurt her back and she hasn't been in a while.
So last week I went to the gym and worked out and then I showered and got dressed. I walked over to the mirrors and grabbed a blow dryer and started drying my hair. There was a woman beside me who was also drying her hair. She was bent over at the waist and I couldn't see her face. But she had a NAVEL ring.
Her navel ring looked better than mine does. She had long skinny feet that looked like she was hard on them - a runner maybe, or a dancer. Her hair was blonder than mine but it looked damaged by the color.
THESE are the thoughts that went through my head as I stood there, presumably unjudging, drying my own hair.
And then she stood up and it was MY FRIEND! And all of these thoughts were gone because we were talking about what had happened since the last time we saw each other.
I worked out beside her for two years and never noticed her feet or her hair or her navel ring - because she was my friend. And then in those two minutes drying my hair I noticed all of it.
Being non-judgemental is hard. We're taught to see differences between things, not similarities. We're taught that we have to be -er than other people; smarter, faster, skinnier, BETTER. We tally up how they are better than us and then we count our own points.
I was embarassed at the end of it. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that I support you and your choices and your strengths AND your weaknesses even if I am sometimes an idiot.
Love,
Kit
What an awesome thing to admit. We all do it, even if many of us try SO hard not to.
Yes, I have the "tattoo reaction," too. And I have a tattoo. (I forget about it - it's on my back after all.)
Posted by: Aimee | January 10, 2011 at 11:32 PM
Oh kit we have all been there. We do like to say we don't judge but we do and we have to on some level. When we meet someone or see someone for the first time we have to make a decision whether or not this is someone we want to get to know. I do however have to say when you said it was your friend I laughed at you! Hehe
Posted by: Ali @thecoffeeqween | January 11, 2011 at 12:01 AM
judging is what we humans do, whether we admit it or not. Acknowledging and letting it go is what only some do. And apologizing for snap judgements is what a minute few do, and you my dear, do it well. Make no apologies; you are an awesome human!
Posted by: Kathykate | January 11, 2011 at 08:04 AM
I love this post, because it's so true. We all do it. Every day. Heck, I still judge my friends, but I always remind myself that it doesn't matter and I'm terrible for doing it. I'm not sure if it's innate or we're taught that, who knows! No apologies!
Posted by: AuntBT | January 11, 2011 at 10:47 AM
The only thing worse than judgmental people is complainers. :)
Posted by: Brad | January 11, 2011 at 01:42 PM
I think there's a difference between judging and taking in the stimuli. we're visual creatures and we take it in and catalog it. can't be helped. but it doesn't sound like you were horrified by your gorgeous friend. you just didn't notice these things before because you see her all the time. that's not the end of the world now.
Posted by: andygirl | January 11, 2011 at 02:14 PM
It's all so true. We all (well most of us) feel the need to be prettier, faster, smarter, thinner, richer and it's hard not to measure ourselves against others.
Posted by: carol anne | January 11, 2011 at 06:26 PM
What? I'm totally judging you based on this post.
Posted by: TheNextMartha | January 11, 2011 at 10:21 PM
I loved this post. But now I'm really curious about your tatoo :) I would NEVER have the courage to get so close to a needle like that!
Posted by: Courtney | January 11, 2011 at 11:55 PM
Yup, that voice in your head never quite goes away does it? Just natters on about everyone and everything around you, calculating who is greater and who is lesser. And by "you" I mean me.
This is why I hate going to the gym. (Um, actually it would really be because I truly hate to exercise. And yeah, that shows.)
Posted by: Varda | January 12, 2011 at 11:10 AM