Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately

1.  My husband was describing the elections to my 8 year old.  My husband is passionate about his views and described the opposition in less than favorable terms.  My son looked up at him and said, "Wow!  I am cursing them in words a kid my age isn't even supposed to know!"

2. Apparently my husband lets the children watch the Three Stooges on Sunday mornings when I am sleeping.  Tonight at dinner my son asked, "Mind if I dunk?" and the other three immediately burst into "nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."  It was both hilarious and immensely disturbing.

3. My husband went clothes shopping lately and came home with a bunch of new shirts.  Tonight my son looked at him, shook his head and said, "Dad, I'm not sure about that shirt."  This is the son who routinely wears his clothes inside out and BACKWARDS.

4. My 8 yo and I are driving down the road and he says to me, "Mom, you know what I like about our town?  I like that it doesn't matter how rich our poor you are.... or if you have LORD in front of your name."  WHA?

5. My husband taught my sons the following: "Did you know that if your hand is larger than your face it's a sign of low intelligence?"  My 6yo but his hand up to his face, and my 8 yo hit it so he smacked himself in the face.  Later, my 8 year old was lying on the couch and my 6 year old walked up to him, put his hand over the 8yo's face and said, "Did you know if your hand is larger than you face it's a sign of low intelligence?" and then, with his other hand he SMASHED him in the face.    My husband thought he broke his nose.

6.  My 8 year old enjoys wrestling with his 6yo brother.  This weekend he realized that their hands are the same size and they weigh the same  - and after he got smoked in a couple of wrestling matches he realized that maybe diplomacy was a better way to settle disputes than fists.

7. Of all of my children, the 6yo is the most challenging.  He is the sweetest little boy and I constantly get comments on how polite he is but he can not keep his body still and can not control his hands when he wants to touch something - regardless of how many times you tell him to keep his hands to himself.  He gets this from my husband.  The other night I was lamenting to my husband how I feel like I'm always scolding the 6yo and not the others.  Partly it's because he needs reminding more than the others but partly it's because my patience starts out thin with him because it was worn to threads the day before.  My husband agreed.  We both reminded ourselves to be more patient and then I said.  "I certainly dont want him to be diagnosed with a disorder or a syndrome, but I feel like it would be easier to summon patience if I had something to blame it on.  - Something besides UP MY ASS Syndrome."

8. This is not a recent thing but I was reminded of it by my friend Jess's recent run in with online dating sites...  In my 20s I signed up for the new, FREE, site match.com.  You get what you paid for.  I signed myself up as a fitness nut who ran marathons, read novels, didn't own a TV and liked tall guys.  I was paired with a 5'3", 250 pound television writer with congestive heart failure.  He showed up for our first date and I invited him in.  He got to the top of my third floor walkup and I was pretty sure he was going to have a heart attach - or fake a heart attack in an effort to swap spit.  At that point I would have faked ignorance of CPR. 

Luckily for both of us his heart held up at least until I broke it by declining to accompany him to the Oscars.

9.  My husband's rule is "Don't start none, there won't be none."  He says this to the children when they start to taunt him but don't want to be tickled in return.  Tonight my 8yo started to taunt my husband.  My husband asked him, "What's my rule?"  My 8 yo flipped back, "Do whatever you want but be prepared to face the consequences?"  My husband just laughed and tickled him silly.

10. My last day of work is Friday.  Seriously, this one has had me laughing all week.

:)

 

Comments

[Anna aka Gots2noJohstono]

Kids sound massively amusing. :) Funny! Congrats on your quitting!

[Shaina]

I'm doing the online dating thing now...and i have more guys than i know what to do with! and they're all amazing! I guess things have changed since the 90s :-P

yay for your last day of work!

[That One Mom]

I've used the low intelligence one on my nephews a time or two...

[Tracy]

Why is your face smooth this way but rough that way? Ha, ha, ha! My sister ALWAYS falls for that one!

[TechyDad]

I can definitely sympathize with #7. NHL, who is 7, has been a handful recently. We've learned that he is gifted (IQ of at least 134, possibly 140+) and that he 1) will get bored if he's not challenged - which he isn't being at school and 2) is smart enough to find loopholes in the system or people. He will find out how to manipulate people and situations to his benefit and so he needs a strong hand to keep him under control. (Something that we don't think his school is providing this year.) In short, he's too smart for our own good!

[Kelly K]

Oh, I can see #7 in my future. Right now I have The Tackler (age 3.5) who loves nothing better than to live up to his name by smashing into his 13 month old baby sister. He's gonna learn about payback all too soon as I can see my Lil Diva plotting...

The Tackler also gives me days like #7, where all it seems I do is constantly correct him until my patience is gone.

I'm told it gets better.

I'm not sure if I believe it.

[Sara Mitchell]

Cracked up uncontrollably on #4 and #5.

[TechyDad]

@Kelly K,

We have a Tackler in our house too, also aged 3 1/2: JSL. JSL, though, likes tackling, hitting, head-butting and just generally annoying his older brother. JSL still seems to think he can get away with things by flashing a cute baby smile. Unfortunately, for him, he's no longer a baby. He is still cute though... it's an evolutionary defense mechanism for survival, I swear!

[angelica]

I feel for you on #7. I have two kids: the first can't sit still, can't do what she is told, and if we (especially dad) give her a hard time she stands her ground and snaps back. the 2 yo actually causes a lot more trouble and breaks more things, but if you tell him off he will give you his biggest eye fluttering smile and ask in the sweetest tone "I'm not supposed to put marker on the furniture?" and gets away with murder.

we keep reminding ourselves to go easier on #1 and harder on #2, but .... I guess we are just human too

[Supra Shoes]

You're fantastic.Continue to work hard.

[subWOW]

The last one. Congratulations!!!!!!!

[alonewithcats]

You passed on an opportunity to go to the Oscars?! It's as if I don't know you at all.