Overheard at my House

Me: *cough* *cough* UGH! I have a tickle in my throat.

Suddenly the door to my office slams shut and I turn around to find my husband with one hand on the door, one hand on his fly and a look on his face that tells me he is VERY GRACIOUSLY offering to scratch it for me.

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Me:  If you check those lottery tickets and one of them is a winner I'll blow you.

Him: (Laughing) Okay.

P.S. He still hasn't checked them.

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Me: Will you take the cans to the redemption center?

Him:  I will, but I want a blow job.  And I mean a good one. (Makes a slurping sound.)

Me: Yeah, no problem.  (Makes a gagging sound.)

P.S. He never got the blow job.  But I never got the money from the redemption center so I guess I paid $25 NOT to give him a blow job.  That seems fair.

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It's not that I'm not a fan of blow jobs, I like them just fine.  But as I mentioned in this post on MARRIED SEX, until he's more than a one trick pony (per day) I'm not feeling GENEROUS enough to waste that trick on something so one sided.    IMAGINE if he performed and then I was all, "Thanks!  That was great.  Now I can't have sex."  

Can you PICTURE the look on his face?  Actually, that seems like it would be funny.  I might try that. ;)

 

Comments

[Saucy]

Giving a blowjob doesn't HAVE to replace sex. Why don't you add it on as foreplay? That's what we do. FF doesn't have the patience for a blow job but give him a few minutes of oral pleasure and he's begging for the real thing. Why not give that a try?

[Kim]

Doesn't a blowjob imply the whole job, though? Plus, for me, anyway, 'finishing' my husband just takes too damn long, so we always opt for sex after the oral. Then I'm just as happy . . .or more so!

[GirlyGirl]

I think it would be just great if he performed on you and then say "okay thanks im done" and get up get dressed and go about your day. OMG that would be so funny. Let me know how that goes.

[Anna aka Gots2noJohstono]

You're totally awesome and I want to be a this *list* thing. Whatever it is. ;)

[Rebecca]

The lottery ticket proposition has been presented to my husband, too.

I've never seen a man think so hard (hee hee hee) about lottery numbers.

[Erin]

I totally stopped doing blow jobs. First, he's about a once a weeker, and I'm not waisting my once a week on a blow job. We tried it as foreplay, but I guess I'm too good, cuz he would finish really fast, then fall asleep. I'd just end up having to get dressed and brush my teeth.

[Tawny]

I only do it in the shower - it reminds him of our wedding night. We use it as a nice warm up to the grande finale. However we do not have kids and have only been married for 5 years so we pretty much do whatever whenever. : )

[Walkingborder (Karen)]

This whole post is awesome. I'm so glad I found you.

[Tracy]

Well, I got my first wax. I prepared myself for the horrors you described. Yes, it hurt. However, I think you picked the wrong place. When 75% of the things you described didn't happen I started asking about them. She said, "Yes, that happens sometimes. People have to learn to wax before they are good at waxing." I think you got a newbie. And the hubs reacted before he even saw the results.

I don't do full BJ, either. Haven't in a while. Surprised him one day and he followed me around for DAYS, and the house was spotless:)

[andygirl]

Wait. You give blowjobs and then don't get to have sex? I mean, isn't it just a warm up? You actually let him finish? I must have been doing it all wrong.

[Paxochka]

Tell that one-trick pony to giddy up :P

[Lindsay Ann]

Oh, and I thought I was the only one.

Thank you for clearing that up. I've printed off your post and fashioned a contract. My plan is to start and then midway make him sign before we finish.

We'll see what happens. Hopefully something good.

[bean]

I stop before he come sometimes and we have sex. Wow it is all good

[John Hinze]

Ok here is my take- a blow job, as the name implies is a job it requires completion. Oral sex, on the other hand can be a part of sex, either foreplay or the finishing touch, but when a part of sex it does not have to end in an orgasm. An example: if for some reason my wife asked if I wanted a blow job I would assume it was meant to end with me having an orgasm. While if she started performing oral sex while we were mutually going at it, I would not expect or want it to end in orgasm. That's my thought!

[red_i_jedi802]

IMO a BJ is a great place to start a party but, like all good hosts you gotta pop your head in other places to check on everything. And nothing says you can't go back and finish the party where it started! ;)

[Walker]

I'm not particularly keen on blowjobs either, though I did write a post (http://bit.ly/aZMcNm) calling myself The Blow Job Queen (I'm not married!!!!). I do think a little play with some oral is a nice thing.. and sometimes if I know an orgasm for me is going to be challenging I might offer a BJ just for the heck of it. In general I want reciprocity.