BloggingDangerously

Dangerous Letters, Vol. 31

This week FLEW by and it's not just because I blew you all off on Monday.

But that helped.

Last Friday I flew to Austin for a long awaited weekend away.  Technically I went to Austin for Bloggy Boot Camp but boot camp is offered in multiple cities and one of my best friends lives in Austin - so it was an easy choice to visit her, meet her GORGEOUS baby and learn a TON about Search Engine Optimization at Bloggy Boot Camp (P.S. I'm doing it all wrong.  Thank you for finding me anyway!)

As many of you know I've been searching for a new job for the past three months.  Last week I received two offers.  Now, if I'd received EITHER offer I would have been thrilled, but receiving BOTH of them threw me into a tailspin.  How do you choose between two great choices?   On top of that, my company announced that they would be laying off 10-20% of my office tomorrow. 

Emotional Roller Coaster much?

Anyway, last Wednesday night I didn't sleep AT ALL.  Thursday I decided which job I would take and that night I slept like a baby - except for the fact that I had to get up EARLY to fly to Austin.

Except that I lied.  I flew to Memphis where I was SUPPOSED to wait for 45 minutes and then connect to Austin.  But my plane to Memphis got in late.  And the battery in my watch stopped.  And then my boss called to tell me "thank you for volunteering for the layoff but I can't make any changes at this point.  But, oh, if you want to quit, it will save someone else's job."

And then I called my husband to tell him that I wouldn't be getting the severance.  And then the VP of Sales at the company I ended up turning down beeped in and said, "So when are you going to start??" and I had to tell him that I had two offers and I was undecided.  And he put the hard press on me.  And then I FINALLY hung up, drained and exhausted.  I looked around and everyone was STILL sitting there and I thought - we should TOTALLY be boarding by now. WHAT is going on?

And then I realized that the gate area I was in was the gate area for 8 really SMALL gates and the 40 other people going to Austin had already boarded and flown away while I was ON THE FREAKING PHONE.

And then I called my husband and told him that I missed my plane BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT.

And then I started walking to the gate where the next flight to Austin would be departing - IN FIVE HOURS.

SWEET.

The new gate was FAR from the old gate and as I got closer and closer to the gate there was ABSOLUTELY no one else around.  I decided to go to the bathroom.  I walked in and it was totally empty except for a bag on the ground in one of the stalls.  And all I could think of was some CRAZY scary movie and - no lie - I took my cell phone out of my pocket and peed with it in my hand even though it wasn't on - just so I could dial 911 if a serial killer came through the door.

And then I put The Girl Who Played With Fire away and decided that I should maybe not finish it because I'm apparently going INSANE.

I had to buy a $30 cell phone charger because I had forgotten mine and could not survive 5 hours in an airport waiting area with a dead iphone and a book I'm no longer allowed to read. 

So I'm sitting there when a very nice man walks up and says, "Are you going to Austin?" and we proceed to talk and spend the next 5 hours together.  He even bought me dinner (THANKS TODD!)

THEN I realized I was going to miss my own #wineparty and SPECIAL #WINETASTING!  Argh! Then we flew to Austin and I had an amazing weekend with my friend, her husband, her baby and Bloggy Boot Camp (yes, I stayed anonymous.)

And then I came back and accepted the job at the one company, turned down the job at the other company (who said, "the door is always open" - they rock!) and then resigned today.

Such an emotional and crazy week.

Thank you to all of you who have been SO SUPPORTIVE during my angst-ridden and insecurity-laden job search.  Your encouragement meant the WORLD to me. 

Thank you to everyone who left comments this week.  I still haven't figured out how to comment on comments but some of them make me laugh out loud - typically at completely inappropriate times.

Speaking of comments:

On the post, Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately:

I laughed out loud at work about the boys' JUNK. And I'm devising a plan to kill my husbad with death by bacon. Thank you for the idea.

signed, Krista

Kit: Another thing to add to the list of what is AWESOME about Bacon - you can kill someone and TOTALLY make it look like love.

One thing that made me laugh yesterday: I was cooking supper while trying to supervise my 3yo decorating (not carving) a pumpkin. I always drain my ground hamburger meat when it's finished. Yesterday, I forgot to put the strainer in between the pan and the trash. Yep, I poured all my meat into the trash. Good times.

signed, Tracy

Kit: Don't beat yourself up about it, I have a number of guy friends who have put their meat into trash more times than I can count.

thanks for sharing these, they definitely made me laugh too.
I love your dinnertime routine, that sounds great!

signed, Lindsay Dianne

Kit: The routine is designed to get them talking.  I ask, "How was your day? What was  your favorite part? Were there any silly parts? Were there any bad parts?"  I hope that if there is something under the surface this will bring it out.

On the post, Luckily We Both Think I'm Funny:

SOO true. My husband will go around and gather up all the glasses and plates and spoons, and then set them on the counter over the dishwasher. I'm not sure he actually knows how to open the dishwasher, since those things are super complicated.

signed, Mrs. MidAtlantic

Kit: Worse? We don't wash the fancy knives in the dishwasher so my husband will leave them on the side of the sink.  A dishwasher at least has buttons - but he can't, APPARENTLY, figure out how to work a SPONGE.

On the post, The Difference Between Men and Women:

Our bathroom is attached to our bedroom too. Which can be entirely too much closeness for even the happiest of married couples! LOL

signed, Elizabeth Flora Ross

Kit: When my husband and I first lived together we lived in a 3 story brownstone with a bathroom on each floor and I could never understand why he went to the top floor (which was unused) to "READ."  Now I do and am thinking of installing a bathroom in the attic!

On the post, Sex Homework: The Hooker Edition:

I seriously never knew that some simple knee-high boots had such an effect on men. I've got a black pair in the back of my closet that I've never worn---thinking that's gonna have to change!

signed Kocinera

Kit: Add a mini-skirt without panties and you will NOT be able to get dinner on the table.

Okay kids, that's it.  There were some awesome comments this week that I haven't highlighted here because I pretty much haven't slept in a month and tonight's the night I'm catching up.  Because tomorrow's the night I'm catching up on #wineparty!  See you there.

Love,

Kit

Sex Homework: The Hooker Edition

I went to Texas for the weekend and bought some dark brown leather riding boots.  I love them.  My daughters love them but my husband?  He LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES them.

I wore them with my jeans tucked into them and he was giving me THE LOOK.

My mom showed up to take 2 of the kids to lunch.  My husband took the other 2 to playdates and then RACED HOME to tell me that it was time for my "lunch break."

There was such a look of determination on his face that I didn't even try to argue.  I just got naked.

Today I decided I would wear my boots with a skirt.  But the only skirt I had that matched was floor length and wool.  And it was 75 degrees in Boston today.

Then I had an AHA moment.  I raided my pre-pregnancy clothing bin and found a brown mini-skirt.  I found a matching shirt and put them on.

My daughter said I looked fancy.  My husband said I wasn't allowed to leave the house in half an outfit.

Still, judging by how many times he's grabbed my ass today, I think he liked it.

FYI, I DID change back into jeans before I went to my son's football game.  Some outfits are for private.

And THAT is your homework.

Find an outfit that you would only wear in private.  And put it on.  See what happens.

But make sure you feel sexy in it.  Or that you can at least fake it.

Have fun.

Keep me posted!

 

The Difference Between Men and Women

Last night my husband got up and walked out of the office of our house and went into our bedroom.  I thought he was going to bed.

45 minutes later I heard the shower turn on so I knew that he had been in the bathroom and I was VERY SAD because I wanted to go to bed but the bathroom is attached to our bedroom and I figured that there was no way that room would be safe for HUMANS for at least another 45 minutes.

When he came out I told him that and he said, "Nah, I was reading."

So I asked him, "Don't your legs fall asleep?"

And he said, "No, I stand up and stretch."

And picturing him with his pants around his ankles doing a seventh inning stretch with a book in one hand and a wad of TP in the other just made me shake my head.

Of course for peacefulness I guess he can't beat it because there is NO WAY I would follow him in there.

Luckily, we both think I'm funny

Me: Honey, have you seen my glass (of Diet Coke)?  I can't find it anywhere and LORD KNOWS you didn't put it in the dishwasher.

Then I laughed so hard, tears came out of my eyes and I had to sit on the floor.

Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately

Sorry about not posting yesterday.  I was in Texas all weekend for a blogging conference and forgot to blog.  Yeah, I know.

Anyway...

1. I was cleaning the kids ears with Q-tips (don't judge.) and had finished the girls and was starting on the boys when the girls came running into the boys' room.  "Get into bed." I said.

"We want to see the gunk in the boys' ears!" they said.

"You can see the boys' JUNK later!" I told them.  Then corrected myself, "I mean Gunk."

2. My 3 year old waved her fist at me and said, "Talk to the hand."  I laughed but didn't bother to tell her that she was supposed to put her hand out flat.  Later she did it to my 8 year old and from the side I could see that she was  making a fist  but that she was moving her thumb up and down as if the fist were speaking.  I think it's much funnier that way!

3. My 6 year old son was talking to my other son in another room.  I heard him say dismissively, "She's just a chick."  Ever vigilant for sexism I ran into the room and asked, "What did you say?"  He put his hands in his armpits, squatted down, flapped his 'wings' and said, "she's a CHICK."

I laughed sheepishly.

4. Last weekend we went apple picking.  The next day I made two apple pies.  They came out of the oven just as we were sitting down to dinner.  After dinner I had a piece.  It was delicious.  My 3 year old had icecream.  When she was done with her icecream she came to sit in my lap while I finished.  I offered her a bite.  She hesitated. "It's good." I told her.  She tried it.  She didn't say anything.

A minute later she got down from my lap.  I didn't notice where she went but my husband heard her muttering, "That was very, very, very, VERY good." as she walked over to the silverware drawer and grabbed a spoon.  She came back and proceeded to finish my apple pie.

5. Last week my husband did a bunch of laundry.  He had three laundry baskets stacked high with clean clothes for my daughters.  As he walked into their room, my 5 year old was in the way so he stopped.  My 3 yo, walking in behind him, stopped when he did and then yelled, "HEY! Watch where you're going Steve!"

We didn't point out that he wasn't going anywhere, he was stopped.  We DID, however, point out that his name isn't Steve.

6. My husband was in the army.  My 7 yo wants to be in the army some day.  The other day my 6 yo turned to me and said, "Mom, I don't want to go into the army."

"Ok." I said. "why?"

"I don't want to get SHOT!" he said.

It seemed reasonable.

7. My husband asked me if I would leave him if he stopped helping me with some household chores (he was kidding.)  "I'm too cheap to divorce you." I said.  "If I wanted to get rid of you I'd just start feeding you bacon."

Him: "Mmmm, bacon."

8. My sister had a Halloween party this weekend.  My brother made his wife stop at iparty on the way so that he could buy a severed hand.  He walked up to my 5 year old nephew when he got there and said, "Put her there!" and held out his hand.  When my nephew shook it, my brother let go of the hand so it came out of his sleeve and he started screaming."  My nephew looked at my brother screaming, looked at the bloody, severed hand that he was holding and started screaming bloody murder.  I laughed SO hard at the retelling I wish I had been there.

9. Every night at Dinner I go around the table and ask each of my children what their favorite part of the day was.  Tonight, my 5yo said, "This moment."

*sniff*

10.  While I was in Texas I bought knee high dark brown leather cowboy boots.  I had only planned to wear them with my jeans on the outside but this morning when I was putting them on my jeans got stuck on the inside so I just zipped them up that way.  The look on my husbands face was pure LUST.  "You're going to wear those later." he said.

And, well, I'm off to bed.  Spurs and all.

Love,

Kit