My brother got married in San Francisco. As part of their destination wedding they planned some activities for the guests who would be arriving early. We went winetasting. It was AWESOME.
One of the vineyards was small and beautiful and had the MOST amazing red wine. It was a grape I'd never heard of, syrah-ish but not exactly. I HAD to have more of it.
So I signed up for their wine club for a year. $48/month got you two bottles of wine (1 white, 1 red) shipped from California to Massachusetts and couriered to my door because you couldn't, at that time, ship wine to Massachusetts.
Except it never came. Finally I bumped into my brother's friend who had also signed up and he asked me if I liked it. "CRAP!" I thought. Then I called the winery and complained. They promised to reship the wine.
THEN I found out that I was pregnant. Then 4 months of wine arrived on my doorstep. Then the courier found the ORIGINAL 4 months of wine that they had not delivered and 4 more months of wine arrived on my doorstep. 16 bottles of wine and me, 6 weeks pregnant.
I worked from home then and my husband worked out of the house. He would find the wine on the doorstep when he got home. He would bring it in LAUGHING. More wine he called every month for the next 8 months. By the time I gave birth I had accumulated 32 bottles of wine.
It was torture while it accumulated but it was fun making my way through it!
You can read all about my second foray into the wineclub arena at my other post today. I have to tell you, opening your front door to find wine is better than Christmas. (Luckily you can now ship wine to Mass.)
I hope to see you all tonight at #wineparty! I can't wait. It's been a LONG week.
Job update: I've been told to expect an offer from Company A any moment. I have a final interview with Company B on Tuesday. My company is laying off 10-20% of my office a week from Friday. I'm guessing next week will be longer than this week!
Your comments kept me going this week. Lots of my favorite readers left comments and SO MANY new people. This blog is so much fun for me. Thank you guys!
Here goes:
On the post, Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately:
My husband has always cooked with our girls. One day he was making a pie of sorts and needed to tenderize the meat. He gave my eldest who was five at the time a rolling pin and told her to just beat it down.
My mother came in a short while later and asked what she had been doing that morning ... she announced I was helping Daddy beat his meat ...
lovely!
signed, By Word of Mouth
Kit: That's hilarious. My husband spit his pepsi all over the computer screen when he read this.
I, too, have a 3 year old daughter. While she is potty trained, she still has a few poop accidents. The other day I found her to be a little too quiet so I asked, "Do you have poop in your panties?" She replies without even turning around, "Well, there's SOMETHING rolling around in there." I suggest we check to which she says, "I think it's brown." Laughed until I cried.
signed, Tracy
Kit: I hope it WAS brown. After soccer a couple of weeks ago my daughter and I went grocery shopping. She persuaded me to buy her some Blue Gatorade. My husband and I couldn't figure out what was making her poop neon green for the next 4 days. Thank god I figured it out before my husband took her for a colonoscopy!
It's so great that you write these things down to remember how funny they can be! (and probably to keep you sane and read it when they're not being so funny!)
My son reached into my grandmother's shirt between her buttons yesterday and grabbed her boob. I didn't know whether to laugh or look away
signed, Krista
Kit: Poor grandma, that's probably the most action she's gotten in a long time!
On the post, G-Spot: The Shower Sex edition:
Trust me, even the smallest shower stall is big enough for two. My hubby and I got busy while in a cruise ship shower. Have you ever been in one of those? I swear it is literally the smallest shower in the world. My Christmas present last year was, no joke, a second showerhead in our shower. So we can both be warm. This year I'm thinking I need a waterproof pillow. For my knees.
signed, CShipe
Kit: All I remember about Cruise ship bathrooms is how they CLEARLY say that you need to close the lid before you flush and my brother and sister used to sit down and flush because it made them "feel funny." I was too scared that my best bits would be sucked down the toilet and jettisoned like so much garbage!
On the post, A Few of my Favorite Things:
I would marry green tea, cookies 'n cream ice cream, and popcorn with nacho cheese. I'd be all polygamous a la Big Love. tiramisu would be my lesbian lover. Rosie the vibrator can come too. apparently I'm also a bit of a food slut.
signed Andygirl
Kit: LOVE tiramisu as the lesbian lover. That's HOT.
One word: PIZZA.
You can do so much with it.
Love your blog (but who doesn't).
signed, Lindsay Ann
Kit: Thank you! Also, I could eat pizza for every meal for a month and still be psyched to see it on the menu. It also helps that it's one of the few meals that everyone in my family eats without fuss. I don't know what I like more, the ease of preparation (phonecall) or the blessed SILENCE while we all eat.
On the post, The Bird:
Bwahaha I love the dragon slayer :)
signed, Paxochka
Kit: My dear @paxochka is referring to THIS post, #3.
On the post, Getting "Tucked":
ROTFLMAO!no more reading before having coffee in the morning,I thought this post was going to be about tummy tucks,you got me good here! :)
signed, Geekbabe
Kit: I should have done a better job explaining. Before we had kids, when we had LOADS more time and my husband worked outside the home he had to get up early. When he got out of bed he would straighten the puff on top of me by pulling it up in the air and letting it float back down. I called that "getting tucked." Now, when I'm exhausted, I think of crawling into bed with Carmen, having a couple fantastic shudders and then drifting off to sleep. "Tucking is the endorphin filled icing on the cake that says, "Sleep well angel, somebody loves you."
He'll be fine. He'll sleep better at work, now.
signed, Fredwrite
Kit: My husband no longer works outside the home. He is a stay-at-home-dad and his bosses, my daughters are slavedrivers.
On the post, Devoir:
I first learned about kegels when my boss needed to have his prostate removed, because apparently they really help speed the recovery from such surgery. So it sounds to me that you'll be in great shape if you ever need your prostate removed. Which is unlikely, seeing as you (probably) don't have one to begin with.
signed, Mrs MidAtlantic
Kit: I don't have a prostate - which is good because they get all janky and need to be removed and I have enough cancer-likely bits as it is. Still, I've heard that prostates are VERY Carmen friendly. At least that's what you'd think from the look on my husband's face when she comes around.
I'm so glad you have given me a forum in which to say...
"OHMYGOD the sex this pregnancy is AMAZING!!" I am an orgasm machine. It's like, "hey! Did you look at my boob? I think I'll cum then" up in here!
Kegels? Also good. But not THAT good.
signed, Miss Tricky
Kit: Thank you for reminding us that pregnancy hormones are not all bad.
I found your blog on clever girls and all I can say is Wow!
signed, Lameisha
Kit: I hope that's a good 'WOW!' and not a, "That girl is COMPLETELY FUCKED UP 'Wow!'"
On the post, Even the Heimlich Maneuver can Break a Rib:
Like your husband, I'm scared of choking. One time, we thought JSL was choking on something. He was sitting on the floor playing and then just staring forward, not breathing and starting to slump over. 911 was called and emergency services arrived. Poor NHL witnessed the whole thing from 3 feet away (and even started guiding the emergency guys to the house with shouts of "my brother's in here"). JSL went to the hospital where we discovered that he had had a febrial seizure. (We knew he wasn't choking by that point since he recovered without anything being removed from him.)
Unfortunately, a few weeks later, while at my brother-in-law's house, he was playing with me when he suddenly stopped reacting. I asked him if he was ok a few times and then shouted for my wife. As she and my sister-in-law came down, JSL started smiling. He was just acting to get a reaction from daddy! Boy, he's lucky he's so cute!!!
signed, Techydad
Kit: My oldest did something similar, he coughed and noticed that my husband and I both stopped what we were doing to look at him. He kept coughing for the rest of the day and when we looked at him, he smiled. He's 8 now and he's still an attention hound!
She'll be yelling YES like a kid who joined the army in no time. What with the SWAT response plan in your house and the apocalypse training... are you sure it's not the army?
signed, Paxochka
Kit: You're probably joking. Haha, not funny. My husband gets his craziness from his father who used to make them practice firedrills at home. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. The first time my husband pulls a fire alarm at 3am he's getting a fire extinguisher off the side of the head.
Thank you to everyone who commented this week - including the people who shouted out comments realtime via Twitter. The encouragement really does keep me going. Thank you.
Hope to see you all tonight at wineparty. I'll be the bra-less drunk girl on the pool table (again.)
damn I love your blog!
Posted by: andygirl | October 17, 2010 at 04:02 PM