Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately

1. I called the children in for dinner the other night.  My 3 yo came into the kitchen then stopped and said, "I'm going to go pause the tv."  "Do you know how?" I asked her.  "Um, you press the two widdle wines." she said - referring to the two parallel lines on the pause button. I laughed and shook my head.  She can't pronounce her Ls but she can run a remote control like nobody's business.

2. The other night at dinner my husband knocked over an empty can of Pepsi.  Without thinking he reached to quickly pick it up and ended up knocking over the FULL glass of Pepsi that he had poured it into.  As ONE all FOUR of my children began singsonging, "Daddy needs a sippy cup, Daddy needs a sippy cup" over and over and over.

3. I saw a tweet last week about a married couple who were leaving their infant with the grandparents for the weekend and going to a HOTEL - and the wife was REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO... SLEEP.  All I could think was, Single people dream about hotel sex.  Married people dream about hotel SLEEP.

4. My grandparents were, like me, planners. Also they didn't like the thought of leaving their descendants saddled with expenses after their demise so they bought and paid for their own caskets, funeral service, etc.  In addition, when my great aunt died, they had their OWN names pre-inscribed on thee tombstone with the birth dates and a dash.  The end date would be filled in when the time came.

Now when my grandparents were married it was world war two and my grandfather was stationed in Germany.  My grandmother took the train down to marry him before he shipped out.  Then she came home to the house she grew up in for three years until my grandfather returned.  When he came home he moved in with my grandmother, her two sisters and her brother.  None of the siblings ever married and so they lived with my grandparents (and my mother and her sisters) until they died.  My father and one of my great aunts did NOT get along even though they lived together in the same house for almost 40 years.

Personally, I think that my grandfather could not STAND the thought of spending eternity with this woman but when the time came and my grandfather passed away the deed to the cemetery plot where my great aunt was buried - and where he was SUPPOSED to be buried could not be found. ANYWHERE.  Almost as if he'd quietly flushed it down the toilet.

As a Veteran he was entitled to a plot at a Military cemetery so plans were made hastily and he was interred at a beautiful cemetery on Cape Cod.  My grandmother followed him there a couple of years later.

The other day I thought of that tombstone with their names precarved into it with the born date but no end date.  They would be 102 now if they hadn't passed away.  And on that tombstone they will never die.

5. The other day I was home alone at lunchtime and came down from my home office to get something to eat.  I reached into the cupboard for a plate and - even though there was a blue plate on top - I reached for the pink plate beneath it BECAUSE I'M A GIRL.  (I've lived with 5 year old princesses for too long!)

6. Last week my daughter insisted on wearing a winter nightgown decorated with candy canes and gumdrops.  I told her, "Go tell daddy that mommy wants a candy cane but he can have the gumdrops."  She did as instructed and I heard him choke as he called, "I'm going to hold you to that!"

7. My 8yo was at football practice last week and the coach was talking about the importance of all of the line backers moving forward as a unit.  "Can anyone tell me why it's important?" the coach asked.  No one answered so he tried explaining it again.  Finally my son raised his hand and said, "I think what you're trying to say coach, is that a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link." "Exactly!" the coach said, then looked at the team and then looked back at my son and said, "But I don't think that's going to help."

8. Last week my husband and I were kissing passionately in bed.  He tried to maneuver himself under me.  "I don't want to be on top" I told him.  "It hurts my hip.(sciatica)"  "But I don't want to be on top" he told me, "it hurts my elbow.(tendinitis)"  "WE ARE OLD." I told him.  He agreed but we found a way to make it work. 

9. Friday night my daughters were VERY, VERY, VERY cranky and were being very mean to each other.  Finally the older one said to the younger one, "Do you want to play Barbies?" The younger one beamed!  "YES!" she told her. "We can play Barbies, and be nice to each other and LOVE each other!"  They ran off hand in hand.

10. Last week my husband was VERY MUCH IN THE MOOD.  I was open to the idea but VERY TIRED.  I'd gotten home from work late and we'd put the kids to bed but I hadn't eaten dinner yet.  "I like that outfit" he said.  "I'm sorry" I said, changing into comfortable clothes.  I went down to the kitchen.  I turned on the lights.  He followed me.  Our kitchen faces the street.  He turned off the lights.  I sighed. "Fine."  We re-christened the center island.  Then I made dinner.  Later he said, "Thanks for being such a good sport."

I've had more flattering comments but none more accurate!

Comments

[Kiki]

Best compliment I got from my partner this week:

Me: [trying on my new red dress] I really think I need a jacket with this. It's so tight that I look like a prostitute.

Him: Yes.

Me: You're not supposed to agree that I look like a prostitute.

Him: But a high-class prostitute. One I couldn't afford.

...And that's why I love him. :)

[furiousball]

after running a half marathon this weekend, i realized this is the least sexy my girlfriend have ever felt with our private parts covered in vaseline

[Fred Miller]

My favorite is #4. We are so obsessed with death that we think we should etch it in stone. But it's really only a single moment in an eternity of moments.

[Serene]

You're a crackup.

These days, James and I talk a good game, but by the end of the day, between getting older, being busy, and having a teenager, we look at each other and say "Wow, we're old" and watch a movie until we fall asleep. (Except when we don't, and it's awesome those days, but most days, we can't work up the energy.)

[Lance]

I drove over 12 hours to get home from work Friday night. I hadn't seen my wife, three daughters, and dog in 4 days. My wife met me at the door (it was 1am) and we started in the kitchen and finished in the bedroom bathroom. Then she said "now you can go kiss the kids and watch the dog, I'll be here when you get back." I realized for the 10tth time, I had the greatest wife on the planet.

[Mrs. MidAtlantic]

I might be married with a kid... but I still love hotel sex!

[andygirl]

good job, champ! :)

I think your answer is this: side sex. works every time.

[Rocker38]

Hotel sex is just the best, you get to behave like tart and then not have to wake up and face the kids or the breakfast dishes. Think it's the anonymity of it all. I always wonder if the check-in clerk can see the look of expectation written all over my face.

[Alexandra the Tsaritsa]

I like the part about hotel sex versus hotel sleep. I guess when you have kids a good night's sleep is hard to come by!

[Conflicted Mean Girl]

So funny! Every single one had me laughing. Makes me realize I should be taking note of the things that make me laugh.

[Tracie]

I'm married with a kid...but I'm pretty sure I would sneak in some hotel sex before the hotel sleep!

[Cucumberjuice.wordpress.com]

I occasionally use straws, especially when I have smoothies. Lately I find myself avoiding the pink straws and I'm pretty sure it's because my younger nephew refuses to use pink straws to have his juice...he says they're for girls. O the influence of children.