Subliminal Message. Actually, it's not subliminal. He's trying to kill me.

Remember my crazy husband?

So he goes to a gun show a while ago and comes home with GAS MASKS - 6 of them, 1 for each of us.

I'm kind of blown away by how much they cost - although he tells me he got a great deal and I have to believe him because I don't price shop gas masks very often.

And then he says he's going to put them in the storage bin with all of the rest of the armageddon stuff like beef jerky, 200 pounds of rice, fish disease medicine for use in lieu of penicilin and the rest of my c-section drugs.

But first he makes each of us put the gas masks on to "fit" them.  OBVIOUSLY we wouldn't want to take the time to size them in the event of a NUCLEAR EVENT.

Of course my children are so young that they are pretty much outgrowing clothing every 2-4 months so I'm not sure how that's going to work but everything goes okay with the sizing until he gets to my oldest son who is claustrophobic and COMPLETELY freaks out.  This bodes ill for him during armageddon.

And then it's my turn.  And my mask DOES NOT FIT.  It's WAY too big.

My husband sort of looks at it, shrugs and instead of returning it for a smaller size, just tosses it into the box.  And I, who think this whole excercise is slightly insane, starts saying, "What? I don't GET one? I'm the only one in the family who is NOT growing.  I'm not going to grow into that thing!"  But my husband just laughs.

And I kind of lose it because I DONT WANT TO DIE.  And then I realize that I'm being as crazy as YOU KNOW WHO and that I don't even WANT to live if there's a nuclear event and I have to eat rice and beef jerky and take fish medicine.

But he says, to comfort me, "Dont worry, the boys will grow into yours."

So now I basically have to hope that Armageddon holds off until they can use my gas mask and I can use a kid sized one.  Or, y'know, FOREVER.

 

 

Comments

[Emeralde]

Oh. My. God. Your husband sounds like mine! O.o I thought I married the only crazy-planning-for-Armageddon man in the world! No one else I know plans like this.

As we don't have children, we have extra masks. If Armageddon comes and your children haven't grown into your mask, you can have one of ours. *nod*

[Jennifer]

That is funny. We have nothing for just in case. But i have been watching lost (currently on season 3) and sortof feel like i should put together at least a small emergency kit. Probably won't buy gas masks though.

[Kim]

See, I SHOULD be planning!! Was just thinking last night, "Do I have an interior room??" And was horrified, that NO, I do not!! Must run out and get the gas masks!! Thank your hubby well for me!

[Fred Miller]

I just flat-out enjoyed this. I hope you're promoting the hell out of your blog. You are good.

[Wicked]

That's just f'ing funny right there!! I will hope for your sake that it holds off until one of your kids fits into the mask too. If not he's just gonna feel like a real ass in the end there isn't he : ) Well, your revenge will be that he will have to take care of the kids all by himself, and you know they'll be whining cuz you aren't there! Not to mention at some point they aren't going to want to wear the mask all the time, eat JUST beef jerky, etc... and he is going to be wishing his was the mask that wouldn't have fit. So all in all, you may just have won ; )

[Truthful Mommy]

Bwahahaha! My husband would so do this to me!Well, here's hoping Armageddon holds off until after we are dead! I'm still cracking up about the Armageddon preparations...its like my MIL with her damn Y2K pantry..that has more food than the entire continent of Africa could consume! Have you seen The Road or the book of Eli? If that's how its going to be,I'll pass. Good luck with your mask my friend!

[andygirl]

I wouldn't think it was funny. if my man was the one preparing for nuclear holocaust (which, you know, a mask won't save you from anyway), I'd be slightly concerned that he thinks it's funny my mask doesn't fit. maybe you should switch his out for a tiny one. just to see.

this may be why I'm single: I'm insanely...creative. yeah, let's go with creative.

[Connie Leong]

"Thank you for the enlightening post. Appreciate it a lot.
Subliminal messaging can indeed be very powerful. Interesting enough, a website http://www.chargedaudio.com (non-aff link) sells a bunch of subliminal programs. Might be interesting to check them out. "

[Paxochka]

Oh dear :)

And I love that your husband is planning for the apocalypse. My best friend calls me insane, but I wouldn't mind a bunker.

[Lindsay Ann]

I agree with the bunker idea. We'll need it someday.

I'm just as crazy as the husband I suppose. =]

[Nike Shox]

Though our dream is comfrondted using the actuality, you at all times sense agonizing. Just trample around the ache, or you may be beat down by it.

[cath]

I can remember the Kennedy era. We took water and food to store at school and practice drilled getting under our desks where we would ride out a nuclear explosion. As if a wooden desk could save your ass from turning to doodle dust when an H Bomb went off.