Ten Things That Have Made Me Laugh Lately

1) Last weekend we went to the annual Carnival.  My children played a fishing game where everyone gets a prize.  3 of my children all won the lowest prize - a plastic samurai sword.  My 3yo won the largest prize - a huge stuffed animal - and refused it because she wanted a samurai sword.  She walked around for the next three days swinging it mercilessly.  When I asked her what she was doing, she responded, "AH.... Cutting up sushi?"

2) One night around bedtime she pretended to run me through with the sword.  I grabbed my side, howled in pain and dropped (convincingly?) to the floor.  She walked up to me and said, "Momma?"  When I didn't answer she chopped me on the neck 5 or 6 times with the sword to see if I was okay.

3) At the beach last weekend my mother was sitting in her beach chair smoking a cigarette. She generally tries to be very discrete but this time my 3yo walked up on her just as she was exhaling a HUGE puff of smoke through her nose.  My 3you studied her, walked up to her and said incredulously, "Are you a DWAGON?!?"

4) A couple of weeks ago on Twitter there was a Tweet going around that asked, "What do you get when you divide the area of the sun by it's circumference?"  The answer was PI in the sky.

I thought it was totally cool and retweeted it but I'm such a geek that later that night as I was lying in bed I had to do the math and was horrified to discover that the area of the sun divided by it's circumference is actually pi*r^2/2*pi*r = r/2.  There is no PI involved.  I would like to apologize to anyone I mislead.

5) Would you see a Gerontologist for an injury to your nose or ear sustained when trimming the hair that has started sprouting from them? (I'm asking for my husband, not myself)

6) My daughter fell last week and knocked out her two front (baby) teeth.  My younger daughter said that she wanted to have her teeth out too.  My husband said, "Come here." and pretended that he was going to punch them out.  She looked at him and yelled, "NOT HARD ENOUGH YOU WEENIE!"

7) My husband was teaching my son to tie his shoes.  The laces became knotted and my son made a joke about them.  My husband said, "That's KNOT funny."  My son laughed.  My husband asked him, "You thought that was funny?"  "No."  my son answered.  "That was a PITY laugh."

8) Lately my daughter has been VERY attached.  The other day when I came downstairs to go running she raced over to me, grabbed my shirt and pulled it up until I lifted my arms.  She pulled the shirt off my body, ran up to my bedroom and hid it and then said, "Now you can't go for a run."

9) We stopped by my friend's house on our way home from camping but she wasn't home.  Her husband was home.  I asked him to show the kids how to play Rock Band. He spent 10 minutes setting up their Avatars.  I wanted to tell him, "Dude, they just want to beat the shit out of your drum set.  You dont even have to turn the TV on."

10) There is a downside to being a working mom with a Stay At Home Dad husband. The other day as I left for work my 6yo came outside to wave goodbye.  As I drove off he turned around and MOONED me.  There were 3 cars behind me.

Comments

[Vanilla North]

"Are you a DWAGON?!?"

that was really cool!

[D]

hahaha I love the DWAGON and Pity laugh. Your kids are hilarious!

[gigi]

Sounds like you have all the makings of a reality show in that house. God, I love what kids say. I can s pend hours writing and never be that funny.

[Angel]

This post was great and exactly what I needed. Your kids sound like a hoot!

[andygirl]

making sushi? I am SO using that as my new go-to answer whenever anyone asks me what I'm doing.

and the PITY laugh? lard how that reminds me of my father. I had to call my dad and read it to him. he laughed hard and then went, HEY.

[angelica]

loved #1, #2 and #3. can't believe you actually did #4 and a gerontologist is a dr for old people, so I would suggest and ear, nose and throat dr (but maybe you knew that and I'm the ones that needs a gerontologist)...

[dandellion]

Dwagon one is priceless.

[CDG]

Much as I love all the sex and foolishness? These are my favorite posts from you.

Real life is funny as shit!

[Wonder, Friend]

"Not hard enough, you weenie!" Dying. So many uses for that phrase. Kids provide the best material.

[Paxochka]

So hard to choose which is funniest. But your son definitely topped off the funny week with a moon wave :)

[ShesAGoodBadGirl]

Mooned you? oh my! lol

[Ssgheislerswife]

My dh is a SAHD too! Mac, the 4yo can't sing the alphabet, but he can burp it!

[Tracy]

I have a 3yo and a mother who smokes. On the 4th of July we went to see fireworks, just us girls. When we got out of the car and settled into our seats on top of the car, my daughter picked up my mom's "pouch" of cigs and said, much like a waitress, "are you ready to but smoke in your mouth now?" (huge smile, high pitch voice, much like a Barker Beauty)

[Stacy]

My kids (ages 5 and 4) cracked me up the other day on our way to a luncheon after a funeral. They were in the back seat fighting over who was going to hold the box of cookies we were taking. I finally ended it when I told my oldest that he could hold them in the truck and the little one could carry them inside. Then, a few minutes later the older one just gave the little one the box of cookies to hold in the truck. When the little one asked why he did it, he said "because I don't want to listen to you whine!" The little one responded "you're funny". LOL! Kids are hilarious!

[Karyn Climans]

I'd love to be a fly on the wall of your house for a day. Funny, funny, funny!

[JM Black]

We were sitting around the dinner table, trying to make each other laugh. I announced that it was very hard to make Mommy laugh, which my 7-year old son took as a challenge. He make potty jokes and snot jokes but Mommy did not flinch. "Dude," I said, "Mommy doesn't like gross jokes." "But that's all I've got!" he said, which cracked us all up.

[Jaimie]

My hubby & I cannot stop laughing.. ohmygawsh... this is too funny