BloggingDangerously

G-Spot

One of the great questions in blogging is whether or not famous bloggers have an obligation to help people just starting out become successful.  This is probably not relevant since I am not even close to being famous but I thought I should mention it. :)

One of the things that I've wanted to do here for a while - because blogging anonymously has been SO cathartic for me - is give other people a chance to tell their stories here - either anonymously, for catharsis or publicly if they are much braver than I am.

I've decided to call this bi-weekly feature "G-spot," y'know, for "GUEST SPOT."  Or something like that.

Anyway, I'd like to thank the people who sent in stories.  I promise we'll get to them all.

And if you're interested in contributing, let me know.

This first story comes to us from K-.  I love K- because she had the guts to be the tease I never had the guts to be. 

Here's her story:

You remember that girl in high school? She flirted with the boys relentlessly? Some would call her a TEASE? I was that girl. And let me tell ya, it was fun. Thankfully my playing never ended me up in trouble, but it did offer some pretty interesting evenings.

One particular evening I was "hanging out" with this guy I was "dating". Any by "dating" I mean "making-out-a-lot-in-his-apartment". In like 3 months we NEVER went out. How messed up it that? Anyways. 

This guy was HOT. Model hot. He had a bunch of comp cards and head shots. One particularly screamed "I give head for coke" but what model doesn't? My dad once said "you can't date a guy prettier than you are!" Umm... thanks... Dad... (same man that when I, age 5, asked "am I the prettiest girl in the world?" answered "I dunno. I haven't seen all the girls in the world." Insert swift kick from my mom here.) He was tall, a model, older than me, bought me beer, had an apartment, and liked to make-out. 

So we were making out...  

Did I mention he had a cold? No? Okay well Mr. Abercrombie had a cold. And he was sniffing. A LOT. Sexy huh?

Mr. Abercrombie is naked (well, he may have had his briefs on... Can't remember... And if I can't remember, then it obviously wasn't impressive enough?!). I'm still fully clothed. He's trying to peel my way out of my clothes, but a few sultry "mm mmm"s and pushing-backs keeps me warm and holding the upper hand. I never really had plans to go all the way with this guy, but it was fun to play around.

Tease, I'll tell ya. 

So Mr. Abercrombie starts to run his tongue all around... He licked my lips.... He licked my ear lobe.... He licked my neck.... He licked my.....

We both stopped.

He licked my arm pit.

He. Licked. My. Arm. Pit.

Yeah. 

Mr. Abercrombie licked my arm pit. 

Poor Mr. Abercrombie was struck down. Right then and there this poor man almost cried. 

"This isn't fair! I'm naked, I'm cold, I can't stop sniffling, and I JUST LICKED YOUR ARMPIT!"

I couldn't stop laughing. & I was done. Glad I still had my clothes on.

That was 10 years ago and STILL to this DAY my high school BFF and I die over that line. Because, you know, I IMMEDIATELY called her when I left to tell her what happened. 

And if that isn't enough, this dude is my husband's BFF. And he was in our wedding. 

Don't worry, I didn't want to torture him too much. I made sure to keep my arms down. But I'd like to see you try throwing a bouquet while trying not to expose your armpits!

Tease.

  

Vacation

Good news! 

I'm on vacation this week but INSTEAD of this being a vacation FROM blogging it's a vacation FOR blogging - so you should all be well and goodly sick of me by Friday.

Well, Not TOO sick of me I hope because Friday is my birthday and that would be totally depressing.

Speaking of depressing I'd like to thank all of you who 1) Sent me supportive comments and tweets after Friday's psychotic break and 2) came back today anyway.  You are totally my people.

I was going to give you an in depth update on all of my issues but then I thought - "Don't push your luck." so here is the abridged version:

• Rental property that was about to be vacant is officially RENTED! Yay $$!
• Job interview turned into "The position is filled but we should have more spots in a few months."
• The scale had moved down 5 pounds this past week but then I was VERY BAD. Tomorrow is the weigh-in.  We'll see.
• The Brazilian is growing in so I should be fashionable in about 6 months.
• Regarding NO SEX:

I actually just said to my husband... "I haven't showered yet today.  I need to shower if we're going to do anything dirty."

On that note, I'm going to hit the shower.

Love,

Kit

 

Dangerous Letters, Vol 22: I think this was supposed to be about BUSH.

My son is playing football.  He's 8.  He has practice 4 nights/week from 5:30 - 7:30.  This is right in the middle of dinner.  I am on vacation next week and we can't go away because he has practice.  We COULD go away but then he would get CREAMED in his first game.

I don't want him to get creamed so I am trying to be as supportive as possible.  This means turning my house upside down at dinner time.  My house is ALWAYS upside down at dinner time.  Turning my normally upside down house, upside down, does not, as you might think, turn it right side up.

People are tired (possibly me.)  People are hungry (possibly me.)  People are CRANKY (definitely me.)

Most nights I make 3 different meals, an adult meal, a kids meal and a hybrid.  But I make them at the same time.  Lately I make 3 different meals, TWICE.  That's 6 meals for any of you who flunked 2nd grade.

Also, lately I have been stressed about money.  Mainly because there are a lot of things that I want that I can't afford.  Things like luxury vacations and massages and a CLEANING LADY and a lawn service.

(ASIDE: If this blog ever becomes HUGE and I make more that $0.15/month on ads I will give away massages and cleaning ladies every week.  People NEED these things. I NEED these things.)

Anyway, I've been stressed about money so I decided to look for a new job.  So now I'm stressed about money AND about getting a new job.  And then I realized that I have no clothes for an interview and now I'm stressed about money, getting a new job and shopping.  Shopping made me realize that I don't want to spend money (see stressing about money) on clothes that don't look FANTASTIC. And after trying on 75bajillion outfits that totally sucked I took the last outfit off and before I put my clothes on I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR.  NAKED.

So now I'm stressed about the last 10 pounds that I never managed to lose after I got pregnant THE FIRST TIME.  And I joined Weight Watchers.

So now I'm stressed about money, a job search, shopping for clothes that look fabulous without spending money and H.U.N.G.R.Y.

And you wonder why there haven't been any sex posts lately.

The other night I raced home from work and ran to the grocery store to buy food for the 6 dinners that I had to make.  But first I had to go to the football field and meet my husband to pick up the younger three kids.

While I'm standing there at the grocery store in the Check-out line I see, in HUGE letters, VA-JAY-JAYS.  And I think. "Huh.  I just learned what that word means but APPARENTLY it DOES NOT mean what I thought it meant or it wouldn't be prominently displayed in the grocery store in 72pt font."

So I looked closer and saw "COSMO" on the masthead.

I nodded and read the rest of the cover.  I felt dirty.  And old.  It was pornography.  I'd love to read it for tips for myself but I can't have that in my house.  What if my kids read it?  I don't want my daughters to learn about sex from a magazine, I want them to learn the way I did, in the backseat.

After my initial shock, I looked again to see what was so important about VA-JAY-JAYS that it had to be on the cover of Cosmo in 72pt font.

As if there weren't enough stress in my life, NOW I find out that FULL BUSH is back.  (FYI, in the interest of journalistic integrity I tried to go to Cosmo's website to see what the actual cover quote was but the site is BLOCKED by my employer (the BASTARDS) as R-RATED (I told you.))

So now I'm walking around with an UNFASHIONABLY BARE BEAVER (which FUCKING HURT BTW) worried about $$, getting a new job, shopping for clothes that look fabulous without spending money and HUNGRY.

Also, did I mention NO SEX?

It's like a bad Christmas Carol that keeps going over an over.

Except in mine it would be 5 GOL-DEN COCK RINGS.

THE END.

P.S. I have an interview on Friday.  Wish me luck.

P.P.S.  Wineparty is tonight.  I'll be snorting evaporated grain alcohol.  I hope to see you there before my vision goes.

P.P.P.S. NEXT Friday is my Birthday.  XXXIX baby.  That's like Triple X-Rated but MORE.

P.P.P.P.S. This was supposed to be the weekly wrap up.  Oops.

P.P.P.P.P.S. My "to-do" list contains the line "Write post called 'THE CRAZY IN MY HEAD.'"  but I think I just did.

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Egg Recall

My husband just walked into the office, sat down at his desk and said, "Um, there's been an egg recall."

And I'm so tired (and clearly perverted) that I thought he meant VIBRATING EGGS.

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Couples Retreat - Update

So it looks like planning a retreat 6 weeks away is, from a marketing point, a bad idea.

Good to know.

Of the 25 people who emailed me initially that they were interested all but a couple of them said that they already had plans that weekend or that reallocating that much money to the SEX FUND in that timeframe was not doable.

No worries, I'll put something together for after the holidays and give you plenty of notice.  As far as the package goes - can you tell me if you'd rather have something less luxe (skip the massage, tours, fancy dinner/hotel) and more economical or if you'd like this to be a DESTINATION event with associated MOOD enhancing accomodations?

Thanks!