The Napalm Princess

I work.  My husband is a stay at home dad.  Because of this the gender based division of labor is skewed at my house.  I go to work.  I pay the bills.  I hire contractors.  I make financial decisions.  He changes diapers.  He kisses booboos.  He does laundry.  We both cook.  We both clean - although we clean different areas.  And then there are certain things that are assigned by who cares more about the way it's done.  For example, he likes the bed made a certain way: his job.  He used to take our redeemable cans and bottles to the recycling center where the Boy Scouts had set up a table to collect them and return them to fund their initiatives.  I suggested that we redeem them ourselves and collect the cash: Now it's my job.

So I'm careful about what I offer to do and what I offer suggestions on.  One thing that I never, ever, EVER get involved with is trash.  Seriously.  In the 7 years that we had children in diapers (3 children at the same time at one point) I emptied the Diaper Champ: NEVER. Not one time.  No matter how full it was, I never touched it.  I don't empty trash cans in any of the rooms in my house.  Occassionally I will drag the trash barrel to the curb on trash day but only once every 4 months or so - because if it's not HIS JOB it could very well become MY JOB and I have enough jobs.

Yard care is also his job but one I feel more open to helping with because I enjoy working outside.  (Except for the grass seeding incident.)  So last weekend when he took the weed whacker and chopped down a bunch of weeds growing under a tree in our yard I was happy to grab a rake and start raking it all up.  I was happy to pick it up and put it in the wheel barrow and wheel it over to where he was.  I was HAPPY to do all this until he looked down at his long sleeved shirt, long jeans, knee high socks, sneakers and gloves and then looked at my sports bra, tank top, shorts and LL Bean reef shoes and said, "That's ALL poison Sumac."

Now if you thought that the part about me not touching trash was princessy and douchey - let me say, that was NOTHING compared to this next party WHEREIN I am a COMPLETE ASS.

"I don't get poison ivy" I said and walked away.

What I NOW KNOW is that Urushiol SUCKS.  It is the skin irritant in poivey-ivy (as the kids call it,) poison oak and poison sumac.  With poison sumac being, perhaps, the worst.

What I should have done is run into the house and washed my EVERYTHING.  My skin, my shoes, my clothes, etc.

But I didn't.  And when I got a couple of patches of poison sumac last week I should have realized that I DO get it and I should have washed my clothes, my shoes, my EVERYTHING. But I still didn't.

And I made the mistake of wearing the same shoes I'd used to clean up the weeds to the fireworks this weekend.  And now I have urushiol induced blisters in the cute little criss-cross pattern of the straps on my shoes.  And even though I was wearing gloves when I picked up the weeds - I wasn't when I picked up my shoes so I have it on my hands.

AND I AM MISERABLE.

So miserable, in fact, that I paid $42 for a small tube of something that promised to STOP THE ITCH and then I almost got into a car accident driving home from CVS to put it on.  (It did work a bit - jury is still deliberating.)

I've seen the error of my ways.  I washed ALL of my clothing.  I washed my shoes.  I've washed everything that could POSSIBLY have that heinous chemical on it.

Oh, and in 100 degree weather today, I sent my husband out to put NAPALM on all of the vegetation near our house.  Because I don't do yard work.

Comments

[pigletmommy]

My Friend in college got a really bad case of Poison Ivy and found this great stuff in Salem ma. I can't remember the name of it but he got it from Artemnisa on the Salem Wharf and he still swears by it 10 years later. It might be worth the call if you can't relieve the itch. Oh and thanks for the heads up I'm not allergic to Poison Ivy either but never been near Sumac, I'll stay clear of it Just in case. Hope you feel better.

[Jess@Straight Talk]

That SUCKS. I would take a total pass on all that business. I handle most inside stuff, his job is to do the yard work. Sadly, I don't even know how to work a lawnmower because my dad never thought I needed to know and I didn't think I did either. But whatev.

Anyway, hope it's almost gone!

[Jennifer]

Cold water only in the shower.....warm opens your pores. Cold will wash the oil off. Tecnu works best to wash it off:( So sorry:(

[Andygirl]

That SUCKS! Boo for your itchiness!

[Lea Bryan]

I grew up romping through the woods like a ferrell child... and NEVER got any kind of poison anything. BUT after this post I will certainly NOT take any unnecessary chances! Thanks for the heads-up!

[Kate]

And that would be why we paved our yard.

The end.

[Alex@LateEnough]

I am totally convinced that I don't get poison ivy. And now I'm afraid that the universe is going to prove me wrong as well.

[Miranda]

I hate poison ivy with a passion. HATE IT. Sorry to your itchy parts. At least you didn't have sex in it.

[Jack]

Years ago a former girlfriend and I enjoyed ourselves in a patch of poison oak. She found herself covered in unpleasantness. Nothing happened to me. Which is how I learned that he'll hath no fury like a woman scratched.

She was so angry- was convinced that I had known where we were and used protection solely for me.

[Mungee's Ma]

I don't do yardwork either. Too darn hot outside. And this just gives me another reason. Hope you're feeling better soon!

[Erica]

I agree, I do a lot but trash ain't part of it. And now, after ready your blog, I have stopped feeling even partially guilty about that.

I haven't had poison ivy, or any other poison fill-in-the-blank, since I lived with my parents in the 'country'. I feel for ya! Make sure you wear latex gloves with the Heisman. Because that would REALLY suck.

[Brenna]

I've heard from about 4 personal friends that they had also uttered the damning words "I don't get poison ____" and shortly thereafter found themselves puffy and miserable. Unfortunately, there's only one way to find out whether you do or don't, I guess. Boo.

[Jessie]

I agree with Jennifer... Tecnu is the best for washing off with. So sorry you have to deal with that! It is so miserable.

[Susan]

Been there...One word: Predisone. Preferably in one of those tapering dose packs...it works and you feel a billion times better after about 1-2 days. I feel for ya!

[Paxochka]

I always hear about poison ivy and never really knew what it was. We don't have it here. YAY AUSTRALIA!

And poor you :)

[Aimee]

Oh gawd.

A shot of steroids is the ONLY thing that does it for me, if I catch it early. I got a case last year...and didn't know it...and had it EVERYWHERE (yes, there too!), because I washed with body wash, which only SPREADS the dang stuff around your body. I ended up on antibiotics & a steroid taper that time around.

Good luck, I feel for you.