BloggingDangerously

Dangerous Letters. Vol. 19

This letter is going to be a little different this week.  Partly because my laptop has been dead for a week and it's hard for me to review the week's comments on this computer.  (They were great though.  Read them.)

Also, this week kind of kicked my ass.  I think I say that every week.  That's probably why I invented #wineparty. 

The progressive post is going strong but I'm dying to find out how it ends.  Add to it over the weekend and I"ll post the saga on Monday okay?

When my laptop is resurrected I'll contact the people who offered to guest post.  I can't wait!

Finally, I know I asked you what you liked best about this blog, the sex or the children stories and the resounding answer was SEX! SEX!! and MORE SEX!!! 

Personally I think that the cool thing about my sex life is the fact that I have 4 kids.  Anyone can have amazing sex day after day with different people when they have a lot of free time but it's great to be able to have amazing sex with the same person even when you're both completely knackered!  Anyway, this is my blog so you have to take the kids with the sex but I'll try not to turn this blog into a complete brag book.

Of course, when I gave your feedback to my husband, he said, "GREAT! Let's give them something to read."

Unfortunately that was at dinner time when we couldn't really stop what we were doing and hop up on the center island again.

Later, when I climbed into bed and spooned up behind him he sang a different tune whose refrain was, "Go away."

"I just want to snuggle you." I said.

"Okay." he said.

I REACHED AROUND and rubbed his chest, his stomach, his abdomen, and back up again.  He GIGGLED.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you need longer arms?" he asked.

"No." I said, definitively.

"What do you mean?" he asked.  "Did you mean no because you weren't going THERE?"

"No." I said.  The alternate answer hung heavy in the air.

"You mean I needed a LONGER PENIS!" he gasped.  We both laughed.  He turned. We kissed.  Suddenly "Go Away" turned into "GET OVER HERE."

Seriously kids, that boy is easier than a two piece puzzle.

 

The Seeds of Therapy

This past Friday night I went to bed BEFORE my husband.  As you may recall,  I missed #wineparty because I was at a birthday dinner.  I came home feeling like I'd drunk more than I was used to (for good reason!)  I crashed into bed with a kiss goodnight from Carmen Electra to help me fall asleep.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling great and left my husband asleep in bed while I went downstairs to make breakfast for the kids and to pack up lunches and snacks for the beach later.

When the husband finally woke I grabbed the kids and ran upstairs to get into bathing suits.  While I was looking for towels in a clean laundry basket in my room the kids were jumping on my bed.  When my son picked up my pillow to smack my daughter, out slid CARMEN.

"Hey, mom," he called. "What's this?"

I turned and FROZE.  I'd never been so UNHAPPY to see Carmen in my LIFE!

I grabbed it.  "Uh. nothing" I answered, the buzz of panic in my ears similar to Carmen's loving purring.

"Does it help you relax?" my daughter asked.

"Is it a massager?" my son added.

"Do you put it under your pillow and lie with it at night to help you sleep?" my daughter kept on.

The wouldn't stop.  Normally I'm the QUEEN of distraction, "you skinned your knee? Look! a butterfly!" etc.

But I had NOTHING.

"Wait," my daughter said. "Where is it?"

"Okay everyone, get your shoes on. We're leaving." I called. "And I think I see a butterfly!"

Writing Assignment: Progressive Post

It's time for another progressive post.  You guys did SUCH a great job with the last one!  Here's how it works:.  I start a story, you each add a sentence in turn and we see where the story goes.  You can take more than one turn but please let at least 5 people go between your turns. 

Here goes:

"It was lunchtime in the city and Flora was 5th in line for the ATM machine when the door opened behind her."

Have fun with it.

I'll take my Chances

I TOTALLY get the fact that the LAST place you want to be during a fire is TRAPPED in an elevator.  First, because that's a pretty great place for fire to travel between floors and second because you really don't want to take the Express route to the bottom if something malfunctions while you're on it.

H.O.W.E.V.E.R.

If I were confined to a wheelchair, I think that I would rather take my chances with the ELEVATOR than sit HERE and wait for someone to come get me.

Anyone else? 

The Point

In the past month two men have contacted me on Twitter regarding sex.  Both men are married with children.

The first one wanted to tell me that he is a regular reader of my blog and that my candid commentary on marital relations gave him some insight into his wife's mind.  He used this insight to reach out to her and now, he's very sorry, but he no longer reads my blog because he's having sex morning, noon and night.

The second one wanted to have Twittersex. 

The first one made me VERY HAPPY.  The second one made me VERY SAD.

He made me sad because I feel like he very much missed the point in all my writing.

He reads my posts and thinks, "That chick is crazy in bed.  Maybe she'll do me." - While his wife is sitting in the other room!

But the whole point is: You don't have to let REAL LIFE take the place of your SEX LIFE.  You need to work with your SPOUSE to find a way to incorporate sex into the INSANITY that is the real life of a parent.

BTW, I did NOT have Twittersex with him.  I think it may have been interesting but 1) I can't type with 1 hand. 2) I think it would be disrespectful to my husband. 3) Carmen Electra is my electronic sex aid of choice.