Wingmen

By the end of my freshman year in college both my roommate and I slept with one eye open for fear that the other one would stab us in our sleep. 

And the truth is that we each might have done it except for the fact that we never would have gotten away with it because it would have been completely obvious who had done it. It was THAT bad.

The first week of school was a different story.  That week we were BEST FRIENDS.  Our second night at school, while the rest of our all-female hall was making s'mores in the lounge oven and watching The Princess Bride, we were at a frat party off campus meeting men who were no good for us. 

I made the poor decision to go home with one of them.  My roommate, ever the dedicated wingman chatted up his ugly housemate and came with me.  While he and I made out in his room, she dodged advances from the friend until he passed out.  When I finally emerged from my new "boyfriend's" room she and I walked home, together.  (Is it important to tell you that he never called or did you already figure that out?)

So, two weeks later I knew what I had to do when we found ourselves at a different frat party and she went upstairs with a football player.  I waited.  I waited until the party was over and it was just me sitting in the livingroom with 15 guys.  I waited when they all got up and left.  And I was still waiting 20 minutes later when they all came back inside laughing their asses off.

AND I was sitting there 5 minutes later when football player's best friend walked up to me and said, "Your friend wants to talk to you."  So I followed him upstairs where she told me that the 15 guys I'd just seen walk in laughing had, previously, been up in the tree outside the football player's window for the last 20 minutes watching the, um, proceedings.

"Can we go out the back door?" she asked.  "There's no access to the back door from up here," he told her.  "You have to go down the fire escape."  It should be noted that the fire escape ended 8 feet above the ground and you had to hang down and then drop the last few feet to the ground below.  "No way." I said, shrugging off my wingman suit. "No one was watching me in the tree.  I'm going out the front door."

"I'll walk you out." her football player said.  It was the least he could do, of course, except that he'd been injured that day during the game and was walking with crutches.  His friend and I led the way down the stairs with he and my roommate hobbling down behind us.  Luckily it was 3am and after the excitement of the tree it appeared that most of the party stragglers had gone to bed.  We didn't encounter anyone.  The football player walked her to the end of the block where she turned him loose. "You dont have to walk me the whole way," she said.  It sounded generous but I knew that he was slowing her down and she just wanted to run home and hide. (I knew it because I SENSED it, not because I'd been there.  NO REALLY.)

We grew apart after that.  My classes were increasingly difficult and she took up stalking another football player.  I couldn't keep up with her stalking schedule so she had to find another wingman.  It was probably for the best.

Comments

[Bee]

I have a slightly similar bad wingman story... but it is completely not sex related. And therefore, probably inappropriate for your blog, honey :)

[buzzvibe]

That must have been one massive tree! My nympho roommate also had observers, but she preferred them to watch from the comfort of her bedroom. That way they could take a turn if they felt so inclined. In hindsight, I should have sold tickets or charged admission or something.

[D H-Arza]

I had a so called friend in college and we use to go to the frats every Thursday. My friend would get pissed when I hook up with a guy and she did not that she would leave me that....$itch...I stop going with her..

[Tiffany @ MomNom]

I've played wingman to my best friend too many times to count - and yes, she has returned the favor. I do recall one night in college climbing out a back window...but I'm pretty sure that was to avoid her boyfriend. #oops.

[jatx]

LMAO. You'd think being a wingman you'd stick together. But I guess when a whole football team has seen you getting it on, you get a bit embarrassed.

[Miss Tricky]

I thought college was supposed to be good for you? Nice to learn that all I missed was having a football team know what my "o" face looks like.

Though, now that I think about it, the saddest part of that story may be that her o face never even made an appearance. Or is drunken,clumsy sex with college boys better when you actually attend the school?

[Wicked Shawn]

My best friend/wingman and I were very good to one another. We would trade up who got the hotter guy when we were prowling. It was an efficient system. Right up until we spent about a month and a half hanging out with some other people and not getting to talk much. She started seeing someone, she thought it was exclusive. He thought differently. She should have told me who it was she was seeing, before.......

[R.C. Murphy]

I am the world's worst wingman. My male friends are happier than hell that I am bi and will take the less attractive friend aside to entertain her while they smooth talk her smokin hot friend...

Only then later when I have the friend laughing the hot friend wonders what is going on. (And lets face it, my male friends are all socially awkward geeks. They try, but poor darlings have a hard time sealing the deal.)

The last few times I've played wingman, I got the girl. Wonder why the guys haven't called to go to the bar lately? LOL

[Steph]

I didn't care for any of them guys at my college but I had an equally nutty ass roommate who apparently idolized me. She cut her hair when I cut mine and then she slept with all of my male friends and tried to bang my brother. Not kidding.

[Jerseygirl89]

I wish I heard more stories like this before I went to college. Not that I was caught having sex. Oh no. I was caught after fooling around with a lacrosse player who passed out on top of me. That wasn't humiliating at all, either.