Spring Break Week : 1990 Communist Russia

School is almost out so I thought I'd take you back to some of my more memorable College Spring Break Trips - you know those drunken, sex filled scenes from Girls Gone Wild? 

Yeah, it turns out that my spring break trips weren't exactly like that...

In 1990 I was a freshman in college and dating a boy that my mother HATED.  The funny thing is that he was wonderful and had fantastic stats (wealthy family, dad a famous doctor, etc.) but in telling her all of these things that I thought she would like, she came to believe that I was infatuated with him and decided he was the devil.

It turns out that he WAS the devil because he taught me not to lie.

And so when my mother asked me, "Are you sleeping with him?" I foolishly answered "yes."  She was inconsolable.  I tried to console her by saying, "He's not my first."  Suffice it to say that that didn't cheer her up.  Not only that but she didn't believe me.  "I don't believe you." she said.  "He wouldn't have done that." referring to my high school boyfriend.

"What?" I asked her dumbfounded.  "He was an 18 year old boy who ADORED me and wanted to MARRY me.  You REALLY don't think he would have slept with me?"

"No." she said - but there was doubt in her eyes.

And then she laid the hammer down, "You're coming home next weekend to study."

I gasped. The following weekend was Spring Fling on campus - a 5 day weekend including a 2 day concert, several days of parties and general bacchanalia. 

"But that's Spring Fling!" I told her.  "It's the biggest weekend on campus!"

Let me tell you that NO ONE wields a guilt trip like my mother.  No one, but me.

She caved.  "Okay" she said, "but the FOLLOWING weekend you are coming home."

"No problem."

What I MAY have neglected to tell her was that I had NO PLANS to go to Spring Fling.  What I had learned VERY quickly from my mother is that while it is very ADULT not to lie, if you are, in fact, NOT a self-sufficient adult, and if your sponsor insists on punishing you for telling the truth, you should ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY LIE YOUR ASS OFF.

Spring Fling was Friday thru Tuesday.  Friday morning my boyfriend and I kick started his car (broken starter = put the car in neutral, push, pop the clutch, jump in) and headed south to New Haven to visit a friend of his at Yale.

Now let me tell you that while I was born in the shadow of Harvard, Yale is where my heart is.  It COULD be the Republican thing, or the secret-society thing, or the fact that I've never had sex in Harvard Yard but HAVE christened a couple of the quads at Yale.  (Wait a sec, scratch that, I HAVE in fact had sex in Harvard Yard.)

Anyway, Yale is BEAUTIFUL and all of my kids are already signed up to go there.  Who cares if they need to score perfect SATs, perform Swan Lake and speak fluent Chinese - oh, and that it will likely cost $250k EACH by the time they're ready.  I love Yale.

So, we drive down to Yale to visit my boyfriend's friend.  He is a bit preoccupied with his studies since 1) he is not on vacation and 2) he goes to YALE and he turns us loose on campus.  We walk around, we go out for lunch, explore.  Then night falls and we hit some parties on campus.  We crash on the friend's floor.  The next day is Saturday and we all hang out together. That night we try to go to some more parties but we can't get in because we don't have Yale ids. We went to a local pizza place.  They serves beer.  I tried out my fake id for the first time.  We drank too much.

I told my boyfriend secrets. I told him about my first vibrator.  He kept refilling my beer. All of a sudden two police officers walked in and sat down at the booth behind us.  The waitress walked up and asked us if we had ids.  We did, and we pulled them out.  She didn't even check them and walked away.  I guess she just wanted to know if we had them.

At midnight the pizza parlor closed and we left.  We tried to get back to our hosts dorm but couldn't find a place to park.  We decided to go home and got on the highway.  I was SMASHED.  He definitely shouldn't have been driving either.  After a few exits he realized that and we pulled off the highway and into - what we thought was an industrial park.  We both got out of the car and peed on the ground.  Then we had CRAZY, LOUD, DRUNK, NO ONE CAN HEAR US SEX.  (The loud one might have been me.)

This is probably a good time to tell you that in college I fell in love with Ayn Rand.  In fact, during our crazy trip to Yale I was reading We the Living, her novel about the Russian Revolution and a heroine named Kira who tries to flee with her lover.  They are captured.

I wake up at 5am in this industrial park in Soviet Russia.  I peek out the window and see low, cement buildings.  I am terrified.  I shake my boyfriend.  "We need to get out of here," I tell him. "They're going to catch us."

"Who?" he mumbles.

"The Russians" I answer.

"WHAT?" he asks me.

I fall back asleep.

When we wake up hours later we realize that directly behind the low, cement buildings are houses.  Lots of houses.  We are both shocked that no one called the police on us the night before.

We went to breakfast.  It was Sunday morning in a nice part of Connecticut and everyone was dressed for church.  I had on a skirt with his very old sweatshirt.  I looked like I was hungover and recently made to scream.  We laughed at those people who were living penny-loafer lives.  (I can't say that I'm not one of them now.)

In the middle of our eggs he turns to me and says, "Did you say the Russians were after us?"

Between the hangover and the eggs and the laughing I almost threw up.

Afterword: While I was engaged in all of this debauchery in Connecticut my mother called to find out how I was enjoying Spring Fling.  The previously mentioned roommate said, "She's not here.  She went out of town for the weekend."  Needless to say, that did not go over well.  I was grounded for most of the summer.

Comments

[Bee]

Привет, Кит. Русские здесь!

[Bee]

Ок :) Не русские, а советские?

[nicole]

I love college stories, they really tell you how invincible and naive we all thought we were at one point.

[D H-Arza]

I love college stories too...freshman year.. Alcoholic probation, being smashed when my parent picking me up after they waited 3 hours for me...the memories

[Midegy]

You crack me up! I love that your mom was in total denial over your HS First.. my Mom did the same thing. "He wouldn't do that" :dies:

[Momma_Dragon]

Sounds vaugely like my senior trip, except in that case i was giving a blow job to my best guy freind behind the Smithzonian, not realizing that just because we coulnd't see in the windows didn't mean that those inside couldn't see out!

[AlexanderDope]

My most memorable spring break trip involved coming within a hair's width of getting arrested in Baja California. We were only saved by the fact that our friend who was taking his turn at the wheel spoke fluent Spanish and was able to sweet talk the Federales.

One of the few times in my life I was happy to avoid the possibility of CRAZY, LOUD, DRUNK, NO ONE CAN HEAR US SEX.

[Shaina]

yeah i never had any crazy spring break flings :-(

doesn't mean i haven't done crazy things or lied to my parents...like yesterday, i was at my new guy's house, which my parents did not and do not know. my mom calls me...me:"i'm at home" mom:"oh, is everything okay there? [they'd been away all weekend]" me:"um, yeahhhh i'm pretty sure it is"

heh. heh. in the meantime the guy and his friends are all silently laughing at me and threatening to expose me. it was fun :-) it just sucks tho cuz i keep wanting to say things about what i did with him to the parents, but i CAN'T. here's hoping i don't slip up...

[Christi]

I was a pro at lying to my mom, she would have had a stroke if I went with "honesty is the best policy"
When I was 19, my mom asked if I was sleeping with my boyfriend(who is now my hubby) I looked her straight in the eyes and lied and lied. Of course not, mom!
When I had to tell my mom I was pregnant at 20, she asked how it happend. My response, I have no idea mom.

BTW- my hubby loves you due to your Ayn Rand reference!

[Sara]

I'm just confused about one thing...

Not the Russians or the kick starting of the car or even the mistaking a residental area for a deserted office park... I think we've all been there.

The confusing part is: After your freshman year in college, I think it's safe to assume you were at last 18 years old. You were in college, albiet home for the summer... and grounded? You... stayed in because your mom said so? *blink* *blink*