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June 08, 2010


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and had no friends because she never had a nice word to say about anyone...


So she decided to build a clockwork dragon.

Holly B

When she built it, instead of making it a fire breathing dragon

Jo and the Novelist

The clockwork dragon was totally awesome, but got all self-aware on Caroline and began scheming to take over the world.

Jo and the Novelist

Dammit! Posted the same time as Holly B.

Okay - scratch my last one. The clockwork dragon was totally awesome until it got self-aware and started burning shit with it's ultimate fire-breathing ways.

D H-Arza

Everyone was afraid of the clockwork dragon and had no idea how to stop the clockwork dragon from burning shit.

Boffo Yux

So they went to the wise old woman who lived in the wicked tall cowboy boots down the lane.


The wise old woman was up on scaffolding polishing her boots.


The grizzled old bird hit the spitoon with a perfectly aimed stream of tobacco juice, turned and said, "Jane's the name, and kickin' dragon ass is my game."


Caroline said, "I built a clockwork dragon and now it's on the loose burning shit! Can you help me?"

DaddyYo Blog

With another perfectly aimed spit, Jane grits her teeth and says "I guess you moron"


Jane climbed down from the scaffolding, and fixing Caroline with her one good eye, said


....and said "Can't a woman polish her leather siding in peace?" Jane rolled her eye, and disappeared into her Kickin' Dragon Ass Weapons Shed. After some rummaging, she reappeared with a strange looking contraption

Robin (noteverstill)

It looked like a bayonet, if bayonets were made out of beef jerky.


She told Caroline, "This was crafted and given to me by the elusive and powerful Jack Link. Eat it, and it will give you flatulence beyond human comprehension."


Caroline said, "Just how is massive farting supposed to help me stop this clockwork dragon from burning shit?"


Meanwhile, the clockwork dragon had made it to the beach, where it stopped to look wistfully out at sea.

Domesticated Gal

It was so tired of all the villagers tying up their fairest maidens for him to eat - they were always so scrawny!!


All the clockwork dragon really wanted was someone to play with and hold him at night.


Jane cackled and choked a little on her tobacco spit. "It's not my job to tell you how flatulence will stop this clockwork dragon from burning shit. It's for you to figure out. But you must...you must...because this shoe polish I just put all over my house is really freaking flammable."

The Mother Tongue

So Jane made her way back to the dragon, stopping on her way to eat some five-alarm chili to give her magical farts some real heft.


Jane found the clockwork dragon and grunted and groaned and farted her biggest magical fart. The clockwork dragon laughed fire in Janes face and picked her up, preparing to make Jane it's next meal....


When suddenly, a very short man riding a tiny, hideous horse came barrelling through the trees with his extremely large sword unsheathed and ready for battle.

Jo and the Novelist

"nom nom nom" said the clockwork dragon, chewing up Jane with his clockwork jaw.


Fortunately, the short man was just the right height to catch Jane as the clockwork dragon spit her out. The dragon turned out to be allergic to all the nicotine that Jane had absorbed from all of that chewing tobacco.

Susie Kline

The hideous horse stopped short, catapulting the very short man over his head and straight into the fiery clockwork dragon's stomach, causing him to burp Jane back through his massive clockwork jaws.


It was on or around this time that Stephen Hawking appeared from the woods wearing a Wonder Woman's outfit and had modified his computer wheelchair to use Gerard Butler's Australian accent.


Then Caroline joined Jane, remember Caroline? She learned a valuable lesson watching Jane flow in and out of the clockwork dragon. Don't build shit you cannot control.


At the sight of that chair of a man, the clockwork dragon took a deep drag of air, preparing to set him ablaze. But whether it was the tobacco aftertaste fogging his mind, or upon recognizing that hideous outfit, he turned away, cracking up in laughter.


So up went the dragon, flying high above the pink and purple hazy clouds until he reached the top of the mountain where he saw...

Jo and the Novelist

a huge vibrator.


Curious, the dragon touched the shiny vibrator, upon which a buzzing sound arose.

Becky Holland

"I am the great and powerful Carmen, " it hummed, "Why have you disturbed me?"


"Even dragons have needs, you know" said the dragon.


The clockwork dragon gave Carmen a shake, to which Carmen complained, "Unless you're gonna put me to my intended use, leave me alone; you're killing battery juice."


"I have no concern whatsoever for freaking shit burning needy dragons" Carmen replied. "The only reason I exist is because..."


Somewhere, someone has a void that I was designed to fill! That someone may be mean spirited and unhappy. Do you know someone like that, clockwork dragon?"


The clockwork dragon pointed his tail down the mountain toward mean Caroline, who was teasing Stephen Hawking with a game of Patty Cake.

Miss Ash

Carmen, knowing her true nature and purpose in life, giggled with shiny, buzzing giddiness.

She looked at the fire-breathing, not so clockwork dragon with a nicotine buzz and said, "Find me when you're sober. I have other more... pressing needs to satisfy."

And with that, Carmen sent out a call to her needful friend, Caroline, "...

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