10. Last week I wore a tan jacket to work. Not a suit jacket, just a spring coat because even though it was hot, it's always freezing in the office. One of the guys I worked with looks at me and says, "That's an Ahmadinejad jacket." referring to the President of Iran. I froze. I turned and looked at him. "Did you just say I looked like an Iranian Terrorist?" I asked him. He backpedaled. "No. I just meant, he's very stylish." I looked at him. "He's a fucking murderer" I said. He apologized for the rest of the day. ;)
9. My younger son got a buzz cut this week. I was devastated because he has the MOST GORGEOUS auburn hair in the world. While he was sitting in the chair in my kitchen with my husband shaving off huge chunks of hair I asked my older son, "Are you next?" "No way," he said. "I'm going to grow my hair out so I can wear it in a ponytail like a Revolutionary War kid. Awesome.
8. After dinner one night last week we all sat down to icecream for dessert. After a minute my 5 year old looks at me and says, "Wow! Mom I'm impressed by how fast you can eat icecream!"
7. My husband is a stay at home dad and is responsible for a good portion of the household cleaning including vacuuming. He does a decent job downstairs but rarely cleans the upstairs. A month ago I had a Spring Cleaning FIT and cleaned every bedroom - including vacuuming them all. Normally this would suffice until the fall but last week I mentioned to my husband that I had a VERY IMPORTANT conference call from 10am-noon. It was actually an On-line presentation to a company in Ireland with A LOT of money to spend. At 10:30, just as I was getting into the presentation I hear the vacuum cleaner start up in the hallway. I immediately picked up the handset so that I could cover the receiver. He vacuumed for FORTY FIVE minutes while I tried to cover the phone. I couldn't put the phone down to go tell him to CUT THE SHIT because I was answering questions. It was TORTURE. When I got off the phone I asked him, "What POSSESSED you to vacuum TODAY?" "I don't know." he answered. "Did it have ANYTHING to do with my MULTIMILLION DOLLAR PRESENTATION???" I asked him. He cringed. "sorry."
6. The other day I was driving home from work with my friend who almost killed me. She was telling me a story about her neighbor was having a hard time and she was trying to be a good friend to her. All of a sudden someone cut us off and she interrupted her story about how compassionate she was to yell at the other driver, "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SIMP!"
5. The kids were in the back yard with binoculars, magnifying glasses and a bug cage. My 3yo walked into the kitchen, walked up to my husband, held the magnifying glass up to his crotch and said, "I'm looking for your wenis!"
4. We were at my son's baseball game. It had just started and we were sitting on the sunny side of the field looking into the sun. The alternative was to sit in the shade and get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Another mother and I voted for the sun. My husband whined and complained until I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You know why you're so good in bed?" He smiled and asked. "Why?"
"Because you're a pussy."
3. At the same baseball game, a 3yo boy was running around with a toy chainsaw. My 3yo could NOT wait to get her hands on it. Finally, when the boy had put it down she walked up to his mother and said, "Excuse me, can I share the chainsaw?" The mother was SO impressed with how polite she was that she said, "of course." My 3yo picked it up and IMMEDIATELY turned to me and said, "Mommy, I'm going to cut your head off." My husband interrupted. "Honey, no." She turned to him, held up her hand as if to calm him and said, "No daddy. Not weally." And then chased me with the chainsaw for 10 minutes.
2. The 3yo is very beautiful with Marie Antoinette curls, a killer smile and a large degree of devilishness. She breaks all the rules and when she's caught she merely shrugs and pats you on the arm as if to say, 'it can't be helped.' She is fondest of breaking the no 'eating in the living room' rule. Also, the 'no eating candy unless we give it to you' rule. As a result we often find piles of hershey kiss wrappers beside the couch in the living room. The other night I told her to get into bed and not to be sneaky about getting out of bed. My husband interjected, "She's not sneaky." She OBJECTED. "I'm SNEAKY about CANDY!"
1. Monday was the last day of school here. My neighbor's daughters, ages 9, 7 and 5, jumped into their pool completely clothed and invited us over as well. About 5 minutes after jumping in, the 9 year old looked down at her shirt and said, "MOM! I just figured out what a wet t-shirt contest is!" Ah to be young again.
Kit: I ran a marathon in Ireland once and drank far less beer than I should have.
On the post, Battle of the Sexes:
Kit: They have their uses.
Kit: And yet they never miss a meal.
On the post, MUFFDATE:
Kit:I can totally respect this. But I'd have to take the whole $1M to sleep with Redford because I'd have to split it with my husband. Although Redford IS getting old so maybe $500k would cover it.
Kit: I can see your husband not noticing the lack of hair - particularly if you've previously shaved - but how did he not notice the redness and swelling and WHINING! - or maybe that was me.
On the post, Effing Awesome Father's Day Presents:
Kit: I'm anonymous so you never know. Maybe I'm his other wife, maybe you're schizophrenic and I'm you're alternate personality...
Kit: I'm a married woman, I don't give head.
Thanks for another great week guys. It's been a crazy couple of weeks with the end of school and sports and I don't mind telling you that I am looking forward to the #winepary tomorrow night.
I have a couple of posts lined up for next week - Top 10 things that have made me laugh and a new Writing Assignment - See you then.
Have a great weekend. Enjoy the Sexstice!
Love,
Kit