The Sex is Good in Jail

Every Friday is #FF (Follow Friday) on Twitter.  It's a day to celebrate the people you follow and recommend that they be followed by others.  And frankly, I suck at it.

Oh sure, I get a few in every week but the truth is that there are so many people who make Twitter fun for me that I can't possibly list them all every week - so I do my best.

This past Friday though, I had a thought.  I invited all of my followers to a #wineparty.  At 10pm Eastern on Twitter, it was an opportunity for people to pull up a keyboard and a beverage and discuss their week, their upcoming weekends, their beverages etc. By following the #wineparty topic several of my followers met OTHER followers and connected at a level that a simple #FF would never have done.  All in all a great success!  Except for one thing...

The #wineparty started at 10pm and at 10:15 my husband turned to me, looked me up and down like bacon and said, "Are you ready for bed?"

"What?" I asked, incredulous.  "I can't!  I'm hosting a party until 11."

Now my husband who does NOT twitter looked at me like I was THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON in the history of the world and turned back to his own keyboard.

But I COULD NOT leave.  It was MY PARTY!  and it was going FABULOUSLY well.  There were 50+ people participating and having fun.  They were mingling, meeting new people and through it all I WAS ON FIRE.  I greeted this one, I saluted that one.  I asked stimulating questions, I carried on private conversations, public conversations, etc.

And then suddenly, at 10:34pm there was sharp rap at the door.  I answered it, expecting pizza, but no, it was the Twitter Police.  Without a word of explanation I was suddenly locked up, CHAINED.  Unable to tweet or @.  I tried everything - I even closed Tweetdeck and opened *shudder* Twitter itself.  But nothing worked.  Time passed, 5 minutes, then 10, then 15.  I typed, "IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL TWEET IF I WANT TO." but it wouldn't go through.  All I got was "Update limit reached - Relax for a bit."

Finally I got my one phonecall via a DM to my girl, @thenextmartha (#FF btw!!!) and she got the word out to my guests that I was being held agaist my will.  The crowd was supportive all around except for a couple who laughed outright at my misfortune.

@thenextmartha also Googled, "Twitter Jail" and sent me the link to review.  When I saw that the typical sentence was 2+ hours I turned to my husband, looked him over like a piece of bacon and said, "I've always wondered what the sex was like in Jail."

By this time he was tired and gave me the Heisman.  When will he learn that that NEVER works?  Or rather, it DOES work because I am happy to let him go to sleep but it NEVER works because, undeterred I call on my friend and lover, CARMEN ELECTRA.  Once my husband hears the buzz of love (her) and heavy breathing (me) he is compelled to join in.  THAT is what happened Friday night while I was in jail and I have to say that it was AMAZING.  There was something about being a CONVICTED TWITTERER that made it so hot.  I'm telling you - we did things we haven't done in a LONG TIME.

So next time your love life feels limp, tweet 101 times in 34 minutes and see what sex is like in a 6'x8' cell.  Conjugal visits are pretty hot.

Also, the reunion sex we had the following day when I got out of jail was also fantastic.  There's nothing like a quick trip to the slammer to spice up your sex life!

Love,

Kit

Comments

[TheGlamB0t]

This is hysterical! Also loved the Heisman reference. Sofa King funny.

[GinaRClark]

50 shades of funny. ;)

[Lucy Ball]

I'm so clearly late to this #TwitterJail convo but you're right! My first #wineparty and they threw the book at me. It was fucking awesome! Thank you SO much for the invitation to your beautiful Twitter orgy! xoxoxo

[Rachel]

Sorry I missed it. It sounded like a blast!!! Next time!