Every Friday is #FF (Follow Friday) on Twitter. It's a day to celebrate the people you follow and recommend that they be followed by others. And frankly, I suck at it.
Oh sure, I get a few in every week but the truth is that there are so many people who make Twitter fun for me that I can't possibly list them all every week - so I do my best.
This past Friday though, I had a thought. I invited all of my followers to a #wineparty. At 10pm Eastern on Twitter, it was an opportunity for people to pull up a keyboard and a beverage and discuss their week, their upcoming weekends, their beverages etc. By following the #wineparty topic several of my followers met OTHER followers and connected at a level that a simple #FF would never have done. All in all a great success! Except for one thing...
The #wineparty started at 10pm and at 10:15 my husband turned to me, looked me up and down like bacon and said, "Are you ready for bed?"
"What?" I asked, incredulous. "I can't! I'm hosting a party until 11."
Now my husband who does NOT twitter looked at me like I was THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON in the history of the world and turned back to his own keyboard.
But I COULD NOT leave. It was MY PARTY! and it was going FABULOUSLY well. There were 50+ people participating and having fun. They were mingling, meeting new people and through it all I WAS ON FIRE. I greeted this one, I saluted that one. I asked stimulating questions, I carried on private conversations, public conversations, etc.
And then suddenly, at 10:34pm there was sharp rap at the door. I answered it, expecting pizza, but no, it was the Twitter Police. Without a word of explanation I was suddenly locked up, CHAINED. Unable to tweet or @. I tried everything - I even closed Tweetdeck and opened *shudder* Twitter itself. But nothing worked. Time passed, 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. I typed, "IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL TWEET IF I WANT TO." but it wouldn't go through. All I got was "Update limit reached - Relax for a bit."
Finally I got my one phonecall via a DM to my girl, @thenextmartha (#FF btw!!!) and she got the word out to my guests that I was being held agaist my will. The crowd was supportive all around except for a couple who laughed outright at my misfortune.
@thenextmartha also Googled, "Twitter Jail" and sent me the link to review. When I saw that the typical sentence was 2+ hours I turned to my husband, looked him over like a piece of bacon and said, "I've always wondered what the sex was like in Jail."
By this time he was tired and gave me the Heisman. When will he learn that that NEVER works? Or rather, it DOES work because I am happy to let him go to sleep but it NEVER works because, undeterred I call on my friend and lover, CARMEN ELECTRA. Once my husband hears the buzz of love (her) and heavy breathing (me) he is compelled to join in. THAT is what happened Friday night while I was in jail and I have to say that it was AMAZING. There was something about being a CONVICTED TWITTERER that made it so hot. I'm telling you - we did things we haven't done in a LONG TIME.
So next time your love life feels limp, tweet 101 times in 34 minutes and see what sex is like in a 6'x8' cell. Conjugal visits are pretty hot.
Also, the reunion sex we had the following day when I got out of jail was also fantastic. There's nothing like a quick trip to the slammer to spice up your sex life!
Love,
Kit
I think you're probably the sexiest convicted felon in the blogosphere. Your husband is a lucky lucky man :)
Posted by: Bee | May 03, 2010 at 08:05 AM
Convicted twitterer. <--- funny stuff. =0
Posted by: Jen | May 03, 2010 at 08:13 AM
Great story! I'm sorry I missed the wine party, it was past my bedtime.
Posted by: Kristin Glasbergen | May 03, 2010 at 08:25 AM
I would say it was worth it...convicted twitter felon... :)
Posted by: Deanna Hernandez-Arza | May 03, 2010 at 08:46 AM
Outrageous you ARE!!
Posted by: Seven | May 03, 2010 at 08:46 AM
I am actually dying right now due to the fact that as i was reading this i was snorting my coffee through my nose i was laughing so hard. Also, I LOVED the "its MY party" part. Gf doesn't tweet either, and she's always like "you don't even KNOW these people" when trying to force me away from the screen to clean the house or something BORING.
You're killing me.
And that's why I love you.
xox
Posted by: marzipan | May 03, 2010 at 09:32 AM
sorry, i don't associate with felons.
Posted by: Amy Phillips | May 03, 2010 at 09:41 AM
That's hilarious!! Never heard of twitter jail before.
Posted by: Fire Wife Katie | May 03, 2010 at 09:43 AM
i always get put in jail during the afternoon. dang it.
how did i miss your wine party? oh well, next time perhaps!
Posted by: melissa | May 03, 2010 at 09:57 AM
I love it - and I loved the #wineparty!
Posted by: Dizzy Goddesski | May 03, 2010 at 10:12 AM
p.s. I shared the Honest Scrap award with you.
Posted by: Kristin Glasbergen | May 03, 2010 at 11:12 AM
Sorry you got put in twitter jail, but it sounds as though it wasn't a totally unpleasant experience! I was going to participate in your #wineparty, but right when it started my DH began making advances. Great minds and all that...
Posted by: buzzvibe | May 03, 2010 at 11:33 AM
Ewww! Twitter jail. Like a common SPAMMER. I don't know if your reputation can WITHSTAND it.
It's like I always never say, "It's important to know your limits" and also?
I hope you learned your lesson.
(Although, I think it's more like a twitter time out, but that doesn't really sound as good, does it?)
Posted by: Guiltysquid | May 03, 2010 at 11:52 AM
"The sex is good in jail."
Duh. Why do you think there are so many repeat offenders?
:)
peace...
Posted by: Margaret | May 03, 2010 at 01:01 PM
Hilarious. Can't wait to tell my husband! Then maybe he'll get off my back about Twitter. Or is it on my back?! Lol.
Posted by: Ashley | May 03, 2010 at 01:05 PM
Awsome, simply awesome. More wine parties!
Posted by: Marian | May 03, 2010 at 01:35 PM
This is hilarious, I have never been put in "Twitter jail" so to speak, but my wifeys declare certain times "no Twitter" and "no iPhone" time, but in the end it's always worth it ;)
Why is everyone saying "sorry you got put in Twitter jail"? Sounds to me you quite enjoyed it :P
Posted by: KimofPain | May 03, 2010 at 02:11 PM
I think you need to start a Facebook group for Twitter felons. Even if Twitter felons are probably never on Facebook. Also, I love your vibe name.
Posted by: Jerseygirl | May 03, 2010 at 04:59 PM
Hawt. I think I'm starting to fall for you.
I'm sad I missed the #wineparty are you hosting another one soon? Mind if I skip the wine and go straight to the hard stuff? With how my weeks go I'll need to.
Bisous,
Kiki
@kiki_dawn
Posted by: Kiki V | May 03, 2010 at 09:19 PM
I didn't even know Twitter had a jail - but I'm glad you had such a great time!
Posted by: Megan (Best of Fates) | May 03, 2010 at 10:15 PM
101 tweets in 41 minutes. That's the kind of thing that made me have to unfollow you. Sorry. I still like your blog and read it all the time but I think I'm twitter retarded. I don't see how people can spend that much time on it.
Posted by: Paul | May 05, 2010 at 01:10 PM
Great piece. All I needed to know about twitter jail and more. I had no idea you were serious about the party. Next time I'll be there, and I'll risk the jail time.
Posted by: roytoric | May 08, 2010 at 10:16 PM
Once again, I start reading...then I can't stop! You and your sexcapades...then tweeting like a fiend getting locked up in Twitter Jail..telling you "relax for a bit". the nerve!
I have yet to be in Twitter Jail...knock on wood. As much as I tweet, I'm shocked they haven't come actually physically knocked on my door and said "Cut the shit would ya! Stop fucking tweeting" haha.
Love your Blog...love your wit...love the whole shabang!
Posted by: JBoppExaminer | May 13, 2010 at 09:22 PM
LMFAO! Dude I am so jealous. My husband has NEVER looked at me like I was bacon. More like a granola bar that he knows will be satisfying but might be a little hard to force down. LMAO
Posted by: BigMamaCass | May 14, 2010 at 04:49 PM
OH! I was wondering what the wine party was and now I understand!! I'll be joining in next week! Thanks for explaining...
Posted by: Natalie | May 14, 2010 at 09:11 PM
This was hysterical! Loved it!
Best,
Li
http://www.herdeepthoughts.com/
Posted by: LaLicenciada | May 15, 2010 at 12:25 AM
Again, I'm glad I stumbled across you last week. I thought I was the most inappropriate person on the planet until now ;) I'm no longer alone! ROCK
Posted by: Ida Davidson | May 20, 2010 at 03:12 PM
Hahaha. New. Favorite. Blogpost.
Posted by: 36x37 | June 04, 2010 at 11:14 PM
"So next time your love life feels limp, tweet 101 times in 34 minutes and see what sex is like in a 6'x8' cell."
Greatest sentence ever.
Posted by: Pua | June 11, 2010 at 10:13 PM
In that case lock me up and throw away the key.
Posted by: toywithme | July 09, 2010 at 02:31 PM
Hilarious!! Twitter jail sounds fun.
Posted by: Darcie | July 09, 2010 at 02:47 PM
I learned about Twitter jail and jail sex all in one post. Incredibly informative!
You are hilarious!
Posted by: Naked Girl in a Dress | July 16, 2010 at 09:16 PM
Hmmm. My husband hates Twitter with a passion because yeah I stay up and away from the bedroom... THIS may actually change his mind. You are a genius!
Posted by: subWOW | July 23, 2010 at 02:44 AM
Well done KIT. Is twitter jail anything like OZ? Beware of the twitter shank...
Posted by: germ | July 27, 2010 at 03:07 PM
LOL. This is hilarious and an excellent way to spend your Twitter Jail sentence.
Posted by: Cucumberjuice.wordpress.com | September 14, 2010 at 11:36 PM
You're quickly becoming my favorite person I've never met in the whole wide world.
Posted by: Courtney | October 19, 2010 at 01:55 AM
I love it! I have been enjoying #wineparty so much and am thankful you started it up. I had no idea there was such a story behind it. I'll have to try it sometime.
Posted by: City Mom | November 02, 2010 at 10:45 PM
Sooo. Now I'm thinking Twitter jail isn't such a bad thing after all. Been there more than most. Ha.
Go Go Go.
Posted by: Todd 'tojosan' Jordan | November 05, 2010 at 10:09 PM
It's a shame you don't have a caravan containing only a bed, parked on your driveway. Doing it in there would have made it all the more authentic....or so I'm told...!
Posted by: Jayne | November 06, 2010 at 04:11 AM
I dunno, twitter jail doesn't appeal to me! Although, I often get a message telling me that I've sent too many DM's. Obviously my alotted DM count is 1 per day. Heh.
Posted by: Veronica | November 19, 2010 at 10:34 PM
Well shoot - I never knew twitter jail allowed conjugal visits!
Posted by: Robyn Wright of Robyn's Online World | November 19, 2010 at 11:43 PM
All I can say is "oh my"
Posted by: The Mayor | December 31, 2010 at 11:22 PM
I used to get sent to twitter jail when i hosted parties too, if you apply through twitter they will whitelist your account. I have no limit now :)
Posted by: Mummybrain | January 21, 2011 at 11:28 PM
This cracked me up!
Posted by: Amomsjoy | February 18, 2011 at 10:03 PM
I think I need to get me some of that ;) Awesome.
Posted by: Lady Estrogen | March 04, 2011 at 09:45 PM
Gave you "The Heisman?" LOL! OMG! I can't wait to use that on The Mrs. when she asks me for something that I don't want to do. I'm throwing that hand up in that trophy pose! Nice!
Posted by: Q | March 24, 2011 at 01:21 AM
twitter jail?? I've never even heard of that! too funny...
Posted by: Jaimie | April 20, 2011 at 06:18 AM
OMG, my husband and I are laughing so hard at the Heisman reference. I've always wondered what Twitter jail is and now I know. Not sure I could ever tweet fast enough to get thrown in, but, it might be worth a shot based on what I just read! : )
Posted by: A Hootie Hoot | May 13, 2011 at 09:33 PM
You freaking crack me up. How on earth can you tweet 101 times in 34 minutes?
Posted by: Lindsey | August 17, 2011 at 02:40 PM
Just hilarious!
Posted by: dentist Geelong | February 16, 2012 at 01:51 AM