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April 19, 2010


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Your idea of stupid and my idea of stupid are so totally different. That sounds like a typical day in the life of a teenager...

Deanna Hernandez-Arza

This sounds like a teen movie situation...


sometimes best ways to lie are to tell the truth

Gaynor (The Modern Woman's Survival Guide)

OH. MY. GOD. How fabulous is your blog? I was recommended it from a call out I put on twitter for some great new blogs to read, and here I am. You had me at hello - well at 200 bottles of wine. Love your work - I will be back and sharing the love for sure :))

the mombshell

Is there anything more terrifying than one's mother while half-naked with a boy? (I think not!)

Confession of Most Mortifying Moment Ever!
The setting was a busy Laundrymat where a vibrator (it was mine)fell out of my laundry basket while loading clothes into the machine, hit the floor, TURNED ON, and rolled across the floor. Needless to say I walked straight out the door, abandoning all my clothes. My husband (who at the time was just a boyfriend) had to go back and rescue our wardrobe.
(He left the vibrator where it lay).


Oh the joyous, "mom almost walks in on you" scenario. For some reason that almost happened to me many times. But, I actually had my dad walk in on some heavy petting with my high school bf. Talk about EMBARASSING!

Francis Anderson

OMG I can't stop laughing!! Great post!! I love that your brother was on your side my brother would have told my Mom and walked her to my room!! LOL What an amazing blog!! I am having too much!!

Peggy Sue Brister

One of the more stupid things I did as a kid. I was about 11 when I started smoking. I didn't get an allowance so getting ahold of cigarettes meant going w/o lunch at school and using lunch money to buy them. Every once in awhile I would steal a pack from my mom b/c she bought cigs by the carton & kept them in the fridge. I would sneak a pack and she would never know. But after awhile I had a REAL habit and when I ran out and it was the weekend I didn't have lunch money. I was so desperate for a pack I opened an unopened carton of my moms smokes thinking that maybe she would think she had opened them herself. Not the case. That's the day my mom figured out her 12 year old daughter smoked cigarettes. It was a real proud moment for her I'm sure.


This topic couldn't come at a better time.

Went on a first date Friday, where I proceeded to drink an entire pitcher of margaritas, followed by a wine(three) chaser. What followed was a lot of throwing up in my bathroom. Best part? He was there holding my hair back the entire time. I'm still trying to figure out why he asked for a second date, but I'm not one to tempt fate.

I think I need to change my name to classy lady.


Love the blog. Man, I'm laughing hard. Because I feel for you sister. My brother totally would have turned me in. Oh the stories. I'm following you on Twitter too. Don't want to miss any of the fun.

-Jen (Http://www.heligirl.com)


It was my freshman year of college, and I'd met a guy while out dancing with friends. He was cute, and we'd really hit it off, so we'd exchanged numbers. What I hadn't counted on was going home the next week for spring break and finding out that the guy I'd been half in love with for the better part of five years finally saw me as something other than a kid sister and was interested in seeing where things would go. So, of course, I dropped the new guy like a hot potato for a relationship that ended up ruining one of the best friendships I've ever had.

Victor, wherever you are, know that it truly wasn't you, and that however briefly, I really was into you.


Your brother deserves some serious props! I have three brothers and I can pretty much guarantee they'd die happy if a situation like that fell into their hands!


The biggest mistake I can think of happened back when my wife (B) and I were dating. I would make a trip every couple of weeks to go see her. I was also living with my parents at the time.

Anyway, one day, after a trip to see my B, we were on the computer IMing back and forth. My mother came in, said she was going to do some laundry and asked if I had any dirty clothes. I said there were some in my suitcase from the trip.

She unzipped a compartment and out spilled a pile of condoms! (I usually would hide them first thing upon getting home but must have forgotten to.) She quickly said "I don't want to know" and left the room. I IMed B and told her what happened and we both shared a laugh.


Dated a boy in HS and we were getting busy when his parents came home early. We were in the room above the garage and heard the garage door open. He turned the lights on and it was the first time I ever saw a penis! I didn't have time to put my bra and undies on and I put my shirt on inside-out. I stuffed my bra and undies in my pocket. He pulls on his pants and shirt and stuffs his boxers in the couch. He took out a board game and set it up to look like we were playing a game. His parents were not stupid and we got yelled at for a good 5 minutes. His dad told me if I ended up pregnant they would hope I would put the baby up for adoption. I ran down to the bathroom in tears and tried to put my bra and panties on when I realize my bra was not in my pocket. His mom was standing outside the bathroom door holding my bra asking if I was missing anything.


At age 14 I was in a field near my parents house making out with my boyfriend. He was so cute. We were lying in the field and rolling around while making out. I kept feeling this thing pressing on my leg, my hip, and my belly and later when I was telling my girlfriend about the makeout session I said to her, "It was the weirdest thing, he had a brat in his pocket!" (I am from Wisconsin and for those of you that don't know what a Brat is, it is like a polish sausage / large hot dog).

We laughed so hard, I thought it was the most bizarre thing, I didn't understand why in the world he would put a giant sausage in his pocket. We joked that he must have been saving it for a snack later on...

Needless to say, I later learned that it wasn't a brat after all. I was FLOORED that the male anatomy was not all that different than the brat...


And if the brat story isn't enough, here is one more...

I was living in a foreign country. I was dating a native. It was hot and heavy. We had to sneak into all sorts of unique locations to get it on.

I was hanging out with the family that I was living with when the sister said to me, "what is that on your eyebrow?" I looked in the mirror and said, "oh, it is a freckle" and she said, "really?" I said, "yes, it has always been there!" She said, "I didn't know freckles could move!" I jumped up and looked into the mirror and sure as shit, the thing was moving.

Turns out I had crabs! On my eyebrows! GROSS!!!


Last one and I will call it a day!

Was at a party in college. Hooked up with a super cute guy. We went back to his apartment. It was the very end of my period and had a tampon in even though I didn't really need it (this is how I am justifying the situation!!). I told him I needed to go to the bathroom and so I excused myself and the bathroom door was locked and another couple was 'getting busy' in there and they told me to go away.

I was really digging this guy and wanted to hook up with him so I went out on the balcony of his apartment and threw the tampon over the balcony and went back to his bedroom.

The next a.m. a bunch of us got up, and walked to a diner to get breakfast. Sure enough, we walked past the tampon on the sidewalk and everyone talked about how gross it was. I said, "What is wrong with people! That is disgusting!" Luckily no one ever knew it was mine!!

The Vibrator (non)Virgin

My boyfriend and I live about an hour apart, both still with our parents, and we both work long hours during the week so we really only see eachother on Sundays and Mondays.

It was Monday afternoon, both his parents were at work and his 14 year old sister was at school. We took advantage of this rare situation. After all was said and done, he went to the bathroom ass naked, and I laid on the bed, ass naked. I hear the front door open and slam. I quickly scrambled under the covers and closed my eyes as if I were sleeping, only to have his sister jump on top of me. I made my voice all hoarse and pretended I washad just woken up. I asked her to do me the biggest favor of her life and get me a glass of water from downstairs. She got up to get it and I immediately threw on the first thing I could find, my boyfriend runs out of the bathroom, penis and balls cupped in hand, I threw clothes at him, he ran back to the bathroom, and I breathlessly crawled back under the covers just in time for my glass of water to arrive.

(PS - I posted a few posts ago regarding my "vibrator virginity" which is now non existent, so thank you very much.)


Ahhh... Senior Year of High School. Boyfriend home from college. Parked in the apple orchards (hey, we lived in the middle of nowhere), fooled around. Got myself all put back together and was so proud of myself for not leaving anything behind in his car. Bruce Springsteen t-shirt tucked nicely into my jeans, belt all perfect... Walked in the house quietly, went into my room, turned light on....

Shirt on inside out.

Fortunately my parents were sound asleep!

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