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April 20, 2010


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I just thank god that the internet existed when I had to give my first blow job. I had NO IDEA what to do, so I headed to an AOL chat room (oh yeah, I loved wreaking some havoc in chat rooms) and started asking for advice.

Honestly, I don't know if I ever could have done it if I didn't have the internet to teach me. Jackie Collins might let you down, but the internet never does.

Jennifer @ three pugs & a baby

Damn that Jackie Collins! What a wench!

Amy Phillips

As soon as I stop laughing, I am going to leave a witty, funny, comment. Promise

Deanna Hernandez-Arza

I was pretty innocent until college...I think my roommate told me to practice on a cucumber or something..


Looking at this from the other side of the gender line, there is NO WAY I'm calling time out as a sixteen year old in that situation. This is completely academic, however, since the only way I could possibly halt a sexual encounter at sixteen would be to wake up. And, like most teens, I was a very sound sleeper. Kit, did your performance go something like this? (not graphic, but NSFW) http://bit.ly/5Pi1lD


You should find her e-mail and send her this. SHE OWES YOU!!!


my great grandma told me to roll a golfball around in my mouth to practice.

she was a DIRTY old granny!


Would love to say something funny, but who could top that? Imma find that Jackie Collins bitch and kick her ass for ruining your very first fun-time-with-a-penis.


Very important question.....did you have braces?


My secret books were VC Andrews' "Flowers in the Attic" series. There was nothing appropriate in them. Good or bad, first experiences are remembered for ever.

Francis Anderson

That is too funny!! The whole hiding the books and practicing choir songs!! That Jackie Colllins book was probably one your Mom made sure you found!! I can't stop laughing!

Just Another Mother


Now I have to explain to MY 15 year old why I am laughing so hard, my mascara is running. Thanks a lot.


Oh dear god.... your poor boyfriend :)))) Am laughing so much but at the same time hoping you didn't scar him for life. Actual or mental scars :)

I have no similar stories.... clearly I took to blowjobs like a fish in water. With a remarkably similar facial expression :P

That sentence is like the elbow licking thing. I defy you to not make a face like a fish and mentally compare the two...

Anthony C

LOL I cringed and I laughed. Good job. Well good job on the writing job, the other job...not so much. ;)


I also read Jackie Collins, but fortunately I discussed the situation with a male friend before I ever attempted it. He still calls me "Teeth".


I think the only word in this entire post I can relate to is "nowhere." Nonetheless, it's always nice to read about someone else's, ahem, fuck ups in the sack. I'm in some sort of epic dry spell, so it's reassuring to be reminded that not all sex is good sex, and that I might not be missing out on all that much. Except good sex. Obviously.


Oh my lord! I imagine my husband (With whom I am about to enjoy HOT MARRIED SEX, must put away the laptop) is SO GLAD I didn't learn that particular skill from Jackie Collins.


Hope your 2nd "performance" went much better ; ) Lol'd at your blog post! Ah, to be young & awkward again.

Heather H.

Nothing like the good old days! Love this site. Good stuff. Check out www.deepestdarksecrets.blogspot.com


This was a hilarious first blog for me to read (I saw a RT on twitter about your blog and had to check it out)! So glad I did!... Ahhh to remember our sexual experiences from the younger years, too funny!


LOL. I knew there was a reason I didn't take advice from romance novels :-P


Absolutely hilarious!! Now to stop laughing before I wake the kids!


ok> so the Teeth thing IS NOT GOOD?! I'm sorry, I just want to make sure I'm getting the message here.

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