So my mother came over today to help me color my hair for the very first time. My husband was dead set against it but I wanted some red highlights so we got right down to it.
After she rinsed the color out of my hair she asked me, "Do you have that shower comb I got for you?"
My mother is always buying me CRAP that I don't need just because she found it in the half-off bin at the dollar store.
I did happen to know where the comb was though so I asked my 4 year old to go get it. "Honey, can you go get the comb for us? It's in the drawer in my bathroom where I keep my brush."
She nodded like a big girl and ran off. I was so proud of her.
My mother said, "I could go get it." but I have a rule never to let my mother go upstairs at my house lest she see that the beds aren't made and the laundry isn't folded. I don't want her JUDGING me.
"Oh" I said breezily, "She's a big girl. She can get it." (If it sounds like I was bragging, it's because I was.)
My daughter walks back into the room, pulls something out from behind her back and hands it to my mother. My mother looks at it and stammers, "Uh, that's not a brush" and hands it to me.
Lube. My daughter had handed my mother a bottle of lube.
"Tickle her like a Virgin" Tightening Pleasure Gel to be exact.
Thank God she didn't see the unmade beds.
OMG. That's all. OMG. Oh, and HAHAHAHAHAHA! Great story!
Posted by: Sara | March 24, 2010 at 09:09 PM
OMG, I would have died! That's too funny!!
Posted by: Lacey | March 25, 2010 at 10:42 PM
I showed potential housemate's my house, with my vibrator sitting proudly on my bathroom sink.
No one wanted to move in.
Moral of the story? Stoned masturbating in the bathroom is a bad idea.
Posted by: One who would remain a nonny mouse. | March 27, 2010 at 09:03 AM
Wow, this blog is GREAT - just found it (you started following me on Twitter - @tbdetermined_09) and love it, partially because my motto this year - the year of living dangerously - and partially because your posts are a riot! Love it!
Posted by: Jolene | March 28, 2010 at 08:36 PM
Yeah, I'm reading all the archives. I want to be you. I hate that.
Posted by: Rachel | May 20, 2010 at 08:40 PM